134 comments on “If God Hates Divorce, Then Why Doesn’t He Restore My Marriage?

  1. Thank you so much for this – I needed to hear this today! I found myself getting angry with God for allowing this suffering while I wait…my husband is still with the Other Woman after 18 months and I don’t understand why God hasn’t destroyed their relationship yet.

    But God HAS been providing for me all this time – financially at least. However, I’m lonely – physically. I miss my husband. It’s so painful knowing he’s with her.

    I so want to be entirely happy in God’s love but I’m not. Not entirely. Why? How can He satisfy my physical need for my husband? Why do I still feel so abandoned and betrayed?

    • I am in the same saturation I hear and under said your hurt. Pray that GOd would hedge your husband with thorns . Heavenly Father I ask you in the name do Jesus and through is blood to build a hedge of thorns around my husband I pray that through this hedge any other lover wil lose interest and depart I base this pray on your word which commands that what you have joined together let not man put asunder ..I would like you to keep me in your pray and I would be praying for you also

    • Do you have an update on this? My husband and I are living apart and he’s trying to have me sign the final divorce papers. He also has another woman :( I’m struggling with holding faith.

  2. Dear Gill,

    I’m so sorry to see that you’re going through this. Here are my thoughts…

    You said: “I found myself getting angry with God for allowing this suffering while I wait…”

    This is a “normal” human reaction because we know that God has the ability to change things or act in judgment towards someone. And we, being sinful humans, want that judgment to come now. We also want justice, understandably, because we have been wronged. But God didn’t cause this thing to happen. At the core of every crime, sickness and disease, infidelity etc. lies Satan. He is the one you should be mad at because he seeks to destroy us and our relationships. Why doesn’t God act? If He exercised judgment and gave us all what we deserved the moment we first sinned, then there would be no one to populate the earth. Think about that. His judgment is sometimes delayed because of His love for us. He wants to give us a chance to repent and be reconciled to Him. He knows we have a propensity to sin and He understands this so in His love and mercy for us, he may wait. But He is also a God of justice and every sin must be dealt with so if you’re husband doesn’t repent during this lifetime, then unfortunately he will have to pay for it for all eternity.

    And in the meantime, you must make sure you remain in right standing with the Father. Do not sin and take revenge. Do not cheat on him or divorce. Hold up your end of the marriage covenant and seek the Lord daily. He will comfort you and wipe your tears away and replace them with joy if you earnestly seek Him in prayer and bible reading. Any trial a believer goes through should be seen as an opportunity to trust Him and obey Him. This is a chance to be strengthened in the Lord and to draw closer to Him. And if you continue to do this, you will start to realize the terrible situation your husband is in. When someone is in rebellion to the Lord, their relationship it cut off with Him. His prayers aren’t being heard. If the Lord decides to send tragedy his way, then your husband has no one to turn to. He will truly be alone with no one to intercede for him.

    Why aren’t you truly happy in God’s love? In my opinion, it’s because you want God to handle this situation your way and break up their relationship which is understandable. But have you considered that your solution may not be what God wants? That maybe He has other plans and removed your husband for a reason? Do you trust God enough to remain faithful to Him and also trust Him to accomplish His will whatever that might be? His ways are not our ways remember. Submit yourself to God completely and trust Him act according to His good will and purpose. And if you have trouble doing this, then pray about it. Ask that your will conform to His will and to change your heart and He WILL do it. He will give you such a peace and joy that you’ll be able to withstand anything Satan throws at you. And when you reach this point, the desires of the flesh will not be prominent in your life. You will be more concerned with the spiritual (which is eternal) and not the physical (which will pass away).

    I was going to list some verses for you but I already did this in another post. Please take the time to read it because I think you need to hear this. In the meantime, if you want to talk about this further, please go to the Contact page and send me an email. This is a delicate matter and much more needs to be said but using a public forum, such as this blog, is not the best way to do it.

    http://boldlyproclaimingchrist.wordpress.com/2009/10/10/perseverance-persistence-and-the-prize/#more-252

  3. I have been praying for my marriage to be restored for almost 8 years now. So many times over these years it appeared that my ex wife and I were going to get back together but, after a couple of months she would walk away again. Then within a couple of months be back. She left again 10 months ago and we hardly have any contact. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have been as patient as I possibly can. Every day when I wake up I do my best to hang on for just “one more day.” This is such a painful and emotional journey that the Lord has asked me to travel. But what are my choices? Try to meet someone else that’s divorced? Keep trying to grow closer to God? Become a priest? lol (kidding).
    I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss my wife just as much today as the 1st day she left almost 8 years ago. I often wonder why God seems to be rewarding her behavior and ignoring me. I know He’s out there but, I struggle with where He is in this situation. I know I have to keep my trust in God and remain faithful to God and to my wife but, no one seems to understand this and they think I’m crazy. It’s a very lonely trip.

    • Hello David,

      One of life’s greatest pleasures is to be in a loving marriage. For some people, this is a goal – something to be strived for and there’s nothing wrong with that. But with a believer in Yeshua it’s a little different. While a loving marriage is certainly good and something to look forward to, we should also know, as believers, that our spouse is not our ultimate source of happiness. It is Yahweh. As believers, we are here to serve Yahweh and emulate Yeshua, and one of the ways we do this is through marriage because we learn the lesson of putting someone higher than ourself – to love selflessly, like Yeshua did. Raising up children teaches us these same lessons but in a different way. It teaches us self-sacrifice, just like Yeshua did for us. In other words we are not here for ourselves, to ensure our happiness, but instead to serve God and others in spite of what goes on around us.

      The answer is NOT to meet someone else because that would be adultery. You are still in covenant with your wife. You remain faithful to her even if she is not. By the way, does this sound familiar to you? Were we not born children of wrath, turned way from God yet He continues to wait for us to turn to Him? He loves us more than we are capable of loving another and yet He is always faithful to us, ready to receive us when we repent. And Yeshua’s marriage to us, His bride, is a heavenly picture of our earthly marriage and so if we are to follow in Yeshua’s footsteps, then we must emulate Him in everything including our earthly marriage.

      When we realize that our TRUE source of happiness, contentment, and peace comes from Yahweh, then nothing on this earth will shatter that. We have to realize that everyone, being sinful human beings, will at some point let us down or cause us grief etc. so we shouldn’t be surprized by this. This is the consequence of sin in general. But we have a Father in heaven that does not change, who loves us and will always do good for us. Who will put us through trials to make us strong and cause us to cling to Him. He will never forsake us like people do. And this is one of the reasons why our focus should always be towards Him, to the One who loves us beyond measure.

      I’m not saying to flip a switch and ignore the hurt you’re feeling because if you have a heart, you cannot do that. But what I am saying is don’t let this cause you to be stagnant. Don’t be in this sort of ‘limbo’ waiting for your wife to make a firm decision. Instead, focus on the Lord who loves you dearly. He knows the problems you’re going through and knows the situation better than you do. So, instead of praying for your situation with your wife every morning, pray for your relationship with Him to be strengthened. Focus on drawing nearer to Him. Read your bible every day and pray often. He even says to ‘seek His face’ and when you do, He’ll take care of the rest.

      You said that God seems to be rewarding her behavior. It might look like that to us on the surface. But remember that He does not repay good for evil. His is not rewarding her for her actions because that goes against His character. I think He is showing her kindness and His grace so that she will turn to Him, and possibly you. You can’t see the work He is doing in her heart and so you have to trust Him. Not trust Him that He will bring her back to you, but trust that His will will be done and whatever that will is, is best for you even though it may not seem like it at the time. You have to be ready to accept anything but in the meantime, you stay focused on Him and remain faithful to Him. He’s not ignoring you. With this trial you’re going through, you have an awesome opportunity to glorify Him through your obedience and faithfulness! How can we glorify Him by doing what the world does, like getting a divorce or finding someone else? We cannot. We glorify Him by our obedience and faithfulness to Him, (and to our spouse even though they’re not in the picture) which is 180 degrees different from the world. When we walk in the Spirit instead of the flesh, we are showing that God’s Kingdom is within us. You basically have a little piece of Heaven with you when you follow and live according to His Heavenly Kingdom here on earth. And that’s a good place to be.

      If you want to talk privately, then email me from my Contact page. I’d be happy to talk further with you.

      • I think this is total insanity on your part to be telling people to wait for a unfaithful spouse
        you are not God that is your view on the bible. Its your take
        Jesus gave us his permission to divorce
        because of this very thing
        YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR OWN FEELING IN HERE
        I HATE DIVORCE ALSO BUT GOD IS ALL WISE ECT HE HAS TAKEN IN ACCOUNT FOR SPOUSES THAT LEAVE
        your telling a man after 8 years to keep suffering
        I can say from personal experience to you
        You are very broken and need to seek God and find the root of this obsession
        how do i know i have done the same thing my wife was my God not God
        but harsh treatment other men lies sex with other men leaving me
        NO GOD CALLED ME TO PEACE THAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE
        god did not tell us to watch our spouse have sexual relations with other and sit and wait
        he said forgive them and reconcile if possible
        if possible
        TO LIVE IN PEACE he said let them leave I do agree our spouses are not to effect our relationship with God and or the way we act I stuggled with that myself

        Corinthians 7:15-16
        But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (NIV)

        Matthew 5:32
        But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (NIV)

        Matthew 19:9
        I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. (NIV)

        And please forgive me if i have offended you but I know this to be true in my heart and after living it

        God does not wish us to reward bad actions one of the worst is cheating on your spouse
        Go ahead and cheat over and over
        I will be here waiting for you this is the person Gods wants us to be
        No not even Jesus forced himself on people
        we can still love our spouse
        we can forgive even if they do not repent

        And yes if they repent we should forgive and reconcile i know that would please God

        But if my spouse leaves me for another man divorces me and living with another man
        God wants me to wait for her
        OK so she goes back to church with new man repents God forgives her for her sin
        I am still to suffer for her sin

        NO way that is a lie from hell

        God called us to peace brothers
        he loves us we are not to give anyone free pass to reek havoc on our lives we are to have Godly boundaries we are not to enable or promote sinful behavior
        we are to forgive regardless
        but God does not want us in that situation

    • Hey I am going through the same feelings and wondering where God is as like you I know He is there somewhere in the shadows watching me. I hope you find peace and the joy that God has promised. Take care.

  4. I having been praying for 4yrs to no avail I’ve heard what God has called me to but it’s hard and now theres an outside child involved and I really want to divorce him but I don’t want to miss God

    • Hello Destiny, You said that you’ve heard from God but it’s hard to do what He wants you to do. Remember that God won’t give you more than you can handle. If He tells you to do something, He will equip you. Everything that we go through, no matter how tough it is, is an opportunity to trust in Him and obey Him. It is only through testing and hard trials that we can know that our faith is real. Four years is a long time in our estimation but trust that God knows what He’s doing and that it’s for your own good. In my experience, when I wanted a quick answer to something, I found out that there was a reason why He had me wait on Him and that it truly was best that it took years for my prayer to be answered. I couldn’t see it at the time but looking back, it worked out better for me. And that’s what He’s doing for you – having you wait on His timing. But in the meantime, cling to Him always and don’t get out of His will. Trust Him and listen to Him. If you want to talk further, please go to the Contact page and send me an email. I’d be happy to talk with you.

      Blessings – Carol

  5. Hi, Ive been praying also for GOd to restore my marriage…we were together for 6 years and married for two…we just got seperated 2 months ago and he already found another Women and he really likes her…his leaving behind 3 kids….and now he tells me that he wants to finalize the divorce…I pray and cry so much…Im so depressed..

      • I understand your pain Wendy and can relate with what you are going through.
        My experience is similar after 29 years (7 of which were separation) my husbands infidelity produced another child. He is determined to divorce. I am against this because God hates divorce.
        Stay faithful to God and your husband regardless of his actions and intentions.
        The pain will at times seem unbearable, but trust God and draw closer in prayer through his Son Jesus. Trust in Gods will for your marriage.

    • Dear Wendy, I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. This is what happens when people follow their flesh. Unfortunately, if your husband doesn’t repent, then he’ll have to answer for his actions. Try to see this from another perspective…your husband just sold an eternity with God for a brief time of lust. It’s never worth it. So while you are the one who is wronged now, try to think of the state of darkness he is in and how he’s not able to see the trap that he has ensnared himself in and then maybe you can see the pitiful state that he’s in spiritually. If you are a follower of Yeshua, then you have a Comforter, a Shield, a Protector but he has nothing. You will get past this and if it’s God’s will, then your marriage will be restored. If you want to talk further, please email me using the Contact form. Thanks for stopping by and God bless. :)

  6. Hi Carol, I pray everyday for restoration in my marriage and family. I have 3 children . Most of all i pray Gods divine will to be done in our lives. I ask God to give me the grace to accept things I cannot change. I have experienced, cancer, the breakdown in my marriage and job loss, the only thing I will always have is God And my Lord Yeshua. These trials bring me closer to God as I have to put my trust in him. The truth is I struggle everyday with the pain of rejection. I pray for God to speak to my husbands heart, and that he repents. even though I wish him to return I know that Gods will must be done, he wants the best for all of us. Even though I hate divorce, I am sure that no matter what happens my relationship with God will get stronger and that God will take care of us.

  7. I forgot to mention that I have been faithful to my husband during our marriage to include 7 years of separation. In total 29 yrs I intend to continue to be faithful to my husband and God for the rest of my life. So regardless of my husbands intentions to divorce me I will keep the faith.

    • My husband left in 2002 after 20 years of marriage and divorced me in 2005. When I realized what The Lord was telling me to do, submit to Him and wait, I was nearly devastated. But, over these last 11 years, even with much loneliness and heartbreak, I have been able to see that if my husband had come back it would have been torture. He is not a faithful man. I am still believing that he will hear The Lord and turn from his adultery, but The One I am really waiting for is The King.

  8. Finding this site proves to me that God is faithful, as I’ve I have literally read dozens of sites dealing with divorce, and this is the first one to offer me any hope of peace. I won’t bore you with my whole story, but my wife filed for divorce last week and has accused me of horrible things I did not do. However, what I am guilty of is not being the husband that God called me to be. I let serious trauma in my past get in the way of my relationship witrh Christ and my wife. My wife will not listen to the counsel of Godly women, and has already been posting on Facebook that God will bring her someone better than me (thank God she blocked me from her page so I’m not tempted to read those horrible things). The text of this site settles my restless soul because it confirms what my spirit has said during intense prayer. I will remain faithful to my wife until Jesus calls me home no matter what she does in her life. I will serve God in all I do and work hard to set an example for our 6 year old daughter. I’m under no illusions, however. I know the enemy will work hard against me, but God will honor his promises to me. Thank you so much for creating this site. I am broken and mourn, but through God’s grace and mercy I will rise again for God’s glory! I will also continue to pray for my wife and her soul. As Job said after his wife and kids died and he lost his wealth, “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes. Praise be the name of the Lord.”. Amen and Amen!

    • Dear Shannon, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this trial. But you have the right attitude in this situation and you know the right thing to do; keep your Covenant and praise God! I have a verse in Job too that I like to remind myself of when going through a trial – “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him…” Job 13:15

      If you want to talk further and/or get things off your chest, feel free to use the contact form. I’d be happy to talk to you. And if you’d rather speak with a male, then my husband would be happy to talk with you too. Take care and God bless! :)

  9. Hi carol this made me feel some what better its been 2 and a half months since we’ve been seperated h e left behind me and the kid while hes having the time of his life going out w/friends and just moved in with another woman. I pray and ask that he can restore our marriage. I dont have access to a church and live with jehova whiteness and dont knoe if thats been hindering me.

    • Hello Liz, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. As you can see from the other comments, you are not alone. The Lord will help you get through this trying time – just remember to cling to Him. I’m more worried about you living with the Jehova Witnesses. These people are skilled (and are actually trained) in how to argue their views in order to get you to believe error. If it’s at all possible, try to find other living arrangements. It is very dangerous spiritually for you to be there. I’ll be praying for you.

    • Hello Liz,
      I agree with Carol about living with jehova witness is spiritually dangerous. I never been married so I cannot offer anything regarding your marriage however I once lived with a Jehovah witness. It was very strange spiritually. I saw things in the spirit that I never want to see again! If you have not left yet I hope you will make arrangements too and if you have left DON’T GO BACK!

  10. Hi Carol. I divorced my wife because I thought she didn’t love me. 6 months have past and I have found God and his teachings of marriage. Now I want her back. She has found a new boyfriend which she is living with already. She says she can’t forgive me and won’t marry me again.
    What am I to do? Should I try and keep in contact with her and wait for her to change her mind? or should I stop trying to make contact with her and just wait and pray? or should I give up on her because I have no chance anymore and also not date anyone either… so basically give up on ever having sex again? I know I did this to myself. Is there any hope for me? I want children. Will I never have any ever? Is it wrong for me to ask her back?

    • Hello Luke, Please read Deut 24:1-4. If your ex-wife has had sex with her new boyfriend, then you cannot take her back. As far as having children, it is my personal feeling, along with many others, that think situations such as yours are not as pressing as the one we’re all dealing with now, and that is the fulfilling of prophecy which leads to the soon return of Messiah. We should be thinking about preparing ourselves for His return rather than our own desires because all of these things will pass away. If you want to talk further, please us the Contact form. Thanks for stopping by. :)

      • He can take her back. He divorced her without any cause so therefore neither He or his ex wife can remarry because they will be commuting adultery, if his wife had sex already with her boyfriend she committed adultery and the boyfriend committed adultery as well, because in God’s eyes even though they’re divorced they are still married that’s why it says. If I’m not mistaking he didn’t divorced his wife due to adultery therefore he caused his wife to commit adultery by divorcing her. Deuteronomy was written fir the Jews you can’t apply that to us. God will forgive his wife if she repents and if she repents she has to stop her sin which in this case is adultery and go back to her husband. In all the cases above all the spouse that left are in a relationship which means they’ve had sex with their partner and you’re telling them to wait on them to repent and come back and God will restore their marriage what’s different about Luke’s case. He recognized he did wrong by divorcing his wife and He did, but now he can pray for his wife to forgive him and come back to him.

      • The verses you brought up from Deuteronomy have been misunderstood. The first husband could not take the wife he put away back after she married someone else because that second marriage would have been adultery and the command was given to stone adulterers just a few verses before. We forgive adultery today. Please study to show thyself approved and rightly divide the Word.

      • Dear Carol:

        I am a little confused. On one hand you say that a married person should wait upon and reconcile with their unfaithful spouse, but then you turn right around and tell Luke that if his ex-wife has had sex with her new boyfriend, “…then you cannot take her back.” Perhaps it’s just me, but this sounds highly contradictory. Please advise.

      • His wife wasn’t unfaithful, he was. She is filing for divorce so until it goes through, I told him that his covenant still stands, which it does. The other case is completely different – that’s referring to the verse in Deut. – about being married, divorced, then remarrying the original person – that is not allowed.

      • If you want to apply that verse you would have to also follows the rest of the chapter.
        It goes back to the only thing that ends the Covenant marriage is death, nothing else not even unfaithfulness.
        Book of Hosea how many takes did his wife was unfaithful to him( having sex with other men) and God kept asking to take her back, to show that’s the kind of Love He has for us.

  11. I have read Deut 24:1-4 and it does not say anything about the ex-wife having sex with her new boyfriend. It does say that if the ex-wife marries her new boyfriend and also divorces her new boyfriend, then only may the first husband not marry the ex-wife again.

    I see having children as a command from God and that all commands from Him form part of the “preparing ourselves for His return”.

    I also believe the words “one flesh” and the commands “cling”, “cleave” & “unite” relating to your “one flesh” that continues even after divorce.

    I will then under command of God go out and try my best to “cling”, “cleave” & “unite” to my wife, who I have legally divorced.

    • Luke – When your ex-wife chose to “have sex with her new boyfriend” (as you put it), she committed fornication (sex outside of marriage) and adultery (sex with a partner other than her spouse). If you were to remarry her, you would be guilty of the same sins and forfeit your place in the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Do you really want to do that?

      If you have legally divorced, then there is no longer “one flesh” to cling to, because YOU separated that flesh, against the command of YHWH. How can you then say that you want to keep that command, when you have already broken it by divorcing your wife?

      • Divorce does not end a person’s “one flesh” bond.
        “one flesh” is for life.

        A legal document called divorce by the state, from God’s point of view, does not break the marriage bond, else remarriage (with another person) would not be called adultery.

        Nothing can break the one flesh bond except for death.

      • yes it does say that in deuteronomy but that is the old covenant, now in the new testament it says To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. When Jesus came we are no longer under the law but live by the Word of God, even in the ot it was said by Moses it is only ny the hardness of your hearts divorce was permitted, Jesus said but from the beginning it was not so. So i know i want to do it the way it was in the Beginning because that is the way God wants it

      • His wife committed adultery not fornication. God was not the one that dissolved the marriage Luke did. They are still married in God’s eyes.

    • Luke please visit rejoiceministries.org where you will see that your view of the marriage covenant is 100% correct. God is very pleased with restoration of marriage, and He re-married us even though we had been unfaithful to Him by marrying other gods. Also read the book of Hosea regarding marriage and restoration.

    • Luke yes you should still honor your vows and if you have repented God can still restore your marriage. You only have two options and so does your wife, because you’re wife had to separate since you left her no choice , That’s God’s command in I Corinthians 7:10-11 both you and your wife. Remain un married or reconcile.
      Please keep praying for your wife and pleaser check out.
      rejoicemarriageministries.org

    • Hi Luke..

      Interesting that your name is is even biblical…you and I my friend are in the very similar situation…my wife and I got divorced over 8 years ago and now that I have become a passionate follower of Yeshhua i now understand that I was wrong…and I want my wife back….

      She hasn’t remarried and we have been trying but the trial has been plagued with ups and downs…more downs….we both had sex outside after we got divorced…we both compromised the covenant…

      Now…refer to Caro’ls advice on Deut..I don’t think most understand the reason why the old testament exist and why the was need a new testament….old contract and new contract…as matter of fact Heb refers to the new contract as a better contract….if you have accepted Yeshua as Lord, then you are under the contract…and contract of GRACE…you get what you don’t deserve…vs. the old contract where you get exactly what you deserve if you were a Jew….The old contract proved one that…that we are incapable of meeting God’s high standards….we needed more power….hence the reason for GRACE….hence the need for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit..hence hence the reason for God deciding to write his commandments on our hearts inside of tablets….The old testament were rules set by God to bring a specific set of people i.e. the Jews into relationship with him and for those who aren’t Jews and didn’t travel from Egypt…his high expectations and for us to really begin to understand why a savior and the blood sacrifice was necessary….

      So, what does all this mean….yes, you and I made mistakes….yes, both our wives had sex with other men…and if you are like me..may be you had sex with other women….but the beauty of GRACE is….all can change and their be full restoration….God still hates divorces and he’s still in the restoration of marriages business….What God did say to me when I asked though was…the pain of the restoration is mine….as distressing as that is…it is what it is….and i’m trying….there have been signs of better days….and I pray daily….restoration is yours and God still desires it….don’t give up…

      One thing that I take from Carol is this….use the waiting time to develop your trusting relationship with God the father….like you i think about her everyday…. I miss her dearly….

      Trust means that you don’t require and explanation…..God works on the heart…a place that you and i can’t see….

      I will add you to my prayer….I hope this helps…

  12. Dear Carol,

    We are a born again Christian family and were married for 32 years. We had many unresolved issues and over the years we tried to keep it together. We were busy in missions and striving to work on our relationship not matter what came our way. Until 1 day in 2012 after we planned an overseas break together my husband ‘snapped’ as he said and in 1 month he moved out of the bedroom went on holiday alone (took the OW) which was a huge shock for us all! and we were ripped apart -he moved out we and we tried to make up to no avail. The OW lurked there constantly until they finally decided that this is God’s will for them and that this is God giving them a second chance to love and a better life. I would like to have more clarity on God’s blessing on them as they are so excited for their wedding in May. He sent me an email to tell me that they getting married and that he prays that I will find what he has. Our adult children and grandchidren are devastated and all he says is this is his happiness. I have let it go and believe God forgives and forgave all and no matter how painful this terrible 14 months were, I am encouraged to stay focused on my Lord and His word. I trust they are truly as happy as they say. I want to release him authentically and not bear any grudges. He says he just wants peace, yet his whole family is so hurt. and they are so spiritual and bring God into all their plans – I’m praying and asking God if this is His will then show me Lord in your wisdom for me to close this off in Your Name. I had so much heartache and pain and taking Godly counsel for my restoration and speaking God’s word into my children – he wants them to attend the wedding. Not sure how my husband reasons. Please share your thoughts with me on this. Thank you for this site it is one of the most Godly inspired I’ve come across.
    Bless you

    • Dear Faithgrace,

      Thank you for your comment. I’m not sure what “OW” means but am I right in saying that your husband left you for someone else and is going to marry that person? If this is the situation, then God did not bring them together because he was already in covenant with you. I want you to realize that this was not God’s will and I can safely say that because we know how He feels about divorce and adultery. They are living in sin right now and unfortunately their relationship is severed with the Father. People often think that if they find a person that makes them “happy” that it is God’s will but if they break any of His laws, it is not His will. They are simply living according to their flesh. The “happiness” that they feel blinds them to the darkness that they’re really in and therein lies the deception. It’s actually very sad if you think about it. I mean here they are, thinking that God brought them together and they are happy. Meanwhile they have broken covenant with you and God and are feeding their flesh and drifting farther away from God and they don’t know it!

      I’m sorry for what you and your family are going through. While this is a trial for you, this is also an opportunity to forgive them, to pray for them and for their repentance, to cling to God and give Him your burdens, and let Him comfort you. You seem to be handling this biblically which is good and you will be blessed for it. Also pray that your flesh doesn’t get the better of you because there may be days where you’re thinking about it and get angry again. Don’t let that take hold. Don’t let bitterness take root in your heart. If this happens, turn your thoughts to the Lord immediately and pray. Think of this bad situation as a sacrifice – give it to God and let Him deal with it. Put it on that altar and don’t touch it. It is SO hard to do the right thing sometimes but ‘you can do all things in Christ.’ There is so much truth and power in that statement because He IS our power – not us. He enables us to get through these trials so trust in Him.

      If you want to talk further, please use the Contact form and I’d be happy to speak with you via email.
      Take care and God bless! :)

      • Hello, My husband of 10 years divorced me had a baby and married his mistress.He told me that he was so unhappy with me.We built the house together and she now lives in the home.I constantly pray for restored families ans marriages.The enemy is destroying families.Sometimes as believers we get depressed.I feel as though they are so happily in Love and He never risk or faught hard to make our marriage work.Now he has remarried he calls and ask for prayer .Want to talk now.I don’t understand …Please help

  13. My husband divorce me one year ago The Lord place on my heart to part for my marriage reconciling. But my ex is see thus woman and he is showing all this hate toward me. He started coming to my church And want to bring this woman with him. I still love him I am hurting and do not know how to handle this situation should I let him go or stand in God word that he hate divorce and what GOd join together let no man put asunder please help me And pray that GOd would soften my husband heart for me and restore is love for me

    • Hello Help,
      I’m sorry to hear about your situation and that you’re still hurting. The bible says:

      “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corin 7:15,16)

      Now in your case, since he divorced you a year ago, then the only thing you can do is to let him go. Accept the new situation that God has either placed you in or has allowed. Remember, God is in control of everything and so we should trust Him in all things. It may hurt for awhile but if you use this time to draw closer to God, then you will see that TRUE joy does not come from an outside source, such as your husband, but from a close relationship with God. So seek Him daily with prayer and meditate on His Word so that you can experience this joy that no man (or human being) can fulfill.

      Thanks for stopping by. God bless :)

  14. http://shalomrefuge.com/

    http://rejoiceministries.org/

    My beloved husband and I have been separated for 7 months and have recently began to make contact again. Please check these websites for tons of resources surrounding marriage restoration… I am finding that standing in God for a marriage is HARD WORK, but I am honestly seeing results and positive changes happening within him, our children and myself. Praying him back home now without spiritual change taking place will only land us right back in the same situation and I have experienced that time and time again. I’ve ultimately decided that I love my beloved husband with all my heart and want him back now and out of the company of another but am willing to wait on God’s timing so we can truly be HAPPY the next time around…and there will be a next time (God promises).

    I have begun to pray for the other woman in his life and am learning to love him unconditionally (after the 7 months it took for the Holy Spirit to work anger, bitterness and self-righteousness out of me). God has graciously forgiven me of countless sins and has continued to love me, so I’m learning to love/forgive my husband just as God has for me. My husband has even started to share things with me about the relationship with other woman. This was tough at first but I’d rather he be willing to talk to me than to her (which is very likely why he left in the first place) and it also equips me with the information I need to make my prayers a lot more precise.

    Faith without works is dead, so pray without ceasing, fast, declare, confess and believe for your marriage. Do all of these things in an effort not to waver or be double-minded and God will move in your life.

    James 1 – New Living Translation

    2Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.
    3For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
    4So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
    5If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.
    6But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.
    7Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.
    8Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.
    ——————–
    19Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
    20Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
    21So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.
    22But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.
    23For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror.
    24You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.
    25But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
    26If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.
    27Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

  15. Hi. My wife and I are both believers. However, I have struggled with verbal abuse and anger my whole life. She is an extremely passive individual, whereas I am extremely emotionally needy. When we would fight, I tend to yell or become verbally hostile, b/c she simply shuts down or won’t talk at all (she is what’s known as an “avoidant” personality type).
    She has been having an affair with another man for over one year. She filed for divorce in September.
    I have many faults, but I am on my face working to become a better person. My question:
    Why does it seem that God is answering and responding to her prayers, but not mine?
    I

    • Hello Mike,

      I can’t give you a definite answer as to why God is answering her prayers but there are many possibilities.

      “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. Is 55:8

      We ALL sin and so none are innocent. So if God chooses to bless someone, whether they’re doing good or bad at the time, it really doesn’t matter because He will bless whom He will bless, and curse whom He will curse. It’s not like she’s being rewarded for any evil she’s doing. He’s simply choosing to bless her.

      That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. Matt 5:45

      It could also be that what she’s asking for, she actually needs. Or He could be blessing her in the hopes that she sees His hand working and repents. He is a merciful God. And this is assuming that He is the one blessing. Hasatan can also give you good things (that look like blessings) that are designed to ensnare you.

      ‘…in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. 2 Corin 2:11

      She could also be having a “prodigal son” moment in which case, the Holy Spirit will make her come to her senses and she’ll repent and return to you. If this is the case, there’s no telling how long this will last but she definitely needs prayer. I’ve seen God work in my life in this exact way. I’d drift away for whatever reason and all three times the Lord has guided me back to Him. And for those three times, I drifted for three months each. One of the times in particular was so scarey because He actually used someone, who was not ‘religious’ at all, to guide me back and the things that happened were so miraculous that I KNEW it was God working, which scared me. But that’s another topic.

      But as for you, in the meantime, live by this:

      “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Gal 5:22

      If you want to talk further via email, then use the Contact form and I’ll get back to you quickly.

      Thanks for stopping by and God bless! :)

  16. Pingback: Restoring Your Marriage Addendum | Boldly Proclaiming Christ

  17. my husband of 31yrs is living with a colleague of his for the past 4yrs. He served me with divorce papers and i did not want to sign it as i believe in my covenant with God. He kept phoning for the signed papers and i eventually conceded. I believe that God can still save this marriage, as we did not have marital problems, but financial problems was the carrot that got him into this manageress bed. He is living a li
    e
    and God will save Mico i need the prayers of believers as i believe that witchcraft is involved. He is blinded by this woman and sees her as an angel. God is greater than any force please pray for Mico and i

  18. So true, if we remain faithful to God and cling to him, satan cannot move us. Remain faithful to God and the worldly things wont affect you. If your spouse is cheating on you and you are affected to a point of divorcing him then you become part of his sin. You are not guilty of anything and you have to be careful that his actions does not lead you into sin. God is the only one who gives true happiness, we cannot rely on another person to make us happy. First seek the kingdom of Heaven and evrything else will be granted to you! including a fullfiled marriage life. Amen!

  19. Would you please pray for my situation?

    A year ago my husband announced he was leaving–moving in with another woman. I’d had no idea he’d been cheating on me. The OW (other woman) divorced her husband. In September, after her divorce was final, my husband filed.

    The bad part is, our son has to go visit every other weekend and witness his father with another woman. He’s autistic and I understand he tells my husband that he needs to come home.

    However–my husband has been on the fence the whole time. He nearly came home in October. December, he was talking about coming home. In February he told me he meant his wedding vows (and I told him he needs to back up those words with action). In March, after our last conference heraing, he told me he hates divorce…and I said, well, then why are you doing this?

    His family does not approve of his actions. I am close friends with his sister and my son and I attend church with her, and I’ve been trying to get into soulwinning. My mother-in-law said that he told her that he prays a lot and wants to know what God wants him to do (um, hello!).

    I believe that the Holy Spirit is speaking to my husband. Please pray that my husband gets up the courage to leave this adulterous relationship. Please pray that the divorce does not go through. He had even mentioned to me about praying that the OW is out of the picture. I keep seeing this battle going on.

    I love my husband dearly despite what he’s doing. I would like for him to be saved (if he’s not) or come back to God…either way, have a relationship with God.

    • all things work together for them that love the Lord God would speak to him and restore your marriage

  20. I am in a very hopeless situation and do not know what else to do. My wife of 8.5 years divorced me in January. We have 3 beautiful kids together 8, 6 and 2. She left me for my friend (who i guess in hindsight was never a friend)

    We are both Christians, but along the way I stopped being the husband God wanted me to be and sadly to say I started serving myself. I was verbally abusive and had even slapped her once. I am so ashamed of myself.

    This friend she left me for about 2 years ago his wife cheated on him and we were all there for him and I even remember telling him that he was going to meet a great girl someday. It hurts to know that girl was my wife. She had also been helping him through his struggle and I didn’t think anything wrong with it, since I trusted her totally.

    I deployed to Guam and while I was over there my wife and I were skyping and sending facebook messages telling each other how much we missed one another and loved each other. Things were good and our marraige was on the right track for the first time in a long while.

    And then all of a sudden it happened. She told me that she was in love with him, hated me and that the kids will be happier. I returned home from my deployment early because I couldn’t handle it.

    I tried to get her to go to counseling with me to no avail and she told me that the love between us is not there anymore.

    Like most men do I did the wrong thing and begged and pleaded to her. Told her that our family will hurt more than she knows, that I love her so much and that God wants us to be together, we made a commitment to each other before God. She did not care and even told me that God has given her peace about it and says that God wants him and her to be together.

    It eneded in divorce back in January, we have 50/50 custody of the children, one week on and off. She now lives with this other guy and he finalized his divorce about a month ago.

    I have continued to work on myself and seek God’s word. I pray all the time, I have christian fellowship once a week. And I go to individual counseling. I take my children to church with me, she however has turned her back on God and doesn’t even take the children to church.

    Another sad thing is I am in the military, 12 years active duty and we are stationed in Alaska and her new man gets restationed in 11 months, which even before I returned from Guam they had already been talking about moving away together. I have 2.5 years left here and there is no guarantee that when I leave I will be stationed in the same place as them. The divorce was hard and still is. I love my wife and I love my children. I struggle with the fact that my children may end up growing up without me for the majority of their lifes. 50/50 custody is only in effect while in the same community. I will only get them in the summers if not.

    I pray and pray for God’s will to be my own. I pray God helps and protects my children, I pray His presence be restored in my wife’s heart, I pray for trials and tribulation in her new relationship and I pray for reconciliation and restoration of our marriage and family.

    God tells us to rejoice in all things and I have been trying to do that, but sometimes it is hard when. I know he chastizes us to draw us back to him. It is not my job to worry myself about how God is working in her life, but I don’t understand any of this. Does God really want her and him to be together? Does he really want our children to be raised by this other man who is not a christian but a diest?

    I feel very Overwhelmed and I miss my family and I know that I will always love my wife and I cannot love another woman again. When I vowed my love to her I meant it.

  21. Derrick, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. The whole thing is tragic. I have some thoughts on your situation but I’m thinking of writing a post on it – not sure. It won’t help anything now but it will prevent this from happening in the future.

  22. I have been with my husband for 24 years we have been married for 8 years. Before we got married my husband was a crack addict but God saved him and now he has been clean for 6 years. Since our marriage we have been separated several times this last itme it has been on and off for 4 years. We meet a couple at our church and became friends with them and I actually worked with her husband at the same company. In the time that they joined our church they got a divorce and we help this woman through her divorce and she became real close to my husband and I did not think much aout it at first and i did speak to them about what I was feeling, they said they understood and would stop. They have now had an affair and for the last four years it has been back and forth. I filed for divorce only because I wanted my husband to be happy and I was tried of the lies from both of them. the sad thngs is that she was our Assistant Pasdtor when this occured so it was very hard to attend church and I did not understand how this could have happened. We have been through many trias and test but I have tried to remain godly and I have tried to forgive but it is hard because it just continues. I tell my husband if he wants to be with her than be with her and leave me alone. I do not want a divorce because I do not believe in divorce. I have decided to never divorce because I love my husband but I know God told mne to walk away and it has been confirmed through different people and my spirit will not let me rest until I do. Things can go along good for a week or two but then I go back to I need to walk out of this relationship and let God work on both of us. We do love each other but this constant rollercoaster is too much. We have had many encounters and mishaps and we have had legal issues as well. I am just so confused because my husband says he wantys me and our marriage but he will not commuicating with this other woman. I try to understand that we all know God and how do they continue to go to church every Sunday but still do this terrible thing? I know God is not hearing their prayers but I continue to ask the Lord to save their souls. I have been praying for God to deliver me from unforgiveness, resentment, anger and hatred. I don”t understand this but I am trying to trust God and i have a real issue with trust. I am trying to be a good wife and I still treat my husband well but I do not trust him at all and he has given me no reason to trust him. I feel like he has done this thing but I continue to try and make up for it. he has apologized but it means nothing to me because he continues to do the same thing. Everyone tells me to divorce him and leave him alone and that he will regret it one day but i love my husband and I want our marriage to work. Pleas help me I am just lost right now .

  23. Marchelle and Derrick,
    I feel for both of you. A spouse leaving you for your best friend or a close friend is the saddest scenario when it comes to unfaithfulness. At least if the other person was a nameless, faceless person, it might be easier getting through each day but when it’s your best friend/close friend, that’s just devastating because you are doubly betrayed.

    “I feel a peace about this” is not biblical. We hear this a lot in the Christian church but it’s just not biblical. Peace is not something given out to someone like a gift. Yeshua (Jesus) IS our peace. So if we have Yeshua, then we HAVE peace. What happened with your wife is she ignored her conscience (thus the work of the Holy Spirit) and stifled Him completely. She has grieved the Spirit.

    Marchelle & Derrick, unfortunately, there’s nothing YOU can do because you can’t force someone to remain faithful to you. If they want to act wickedly by breaking their covenant with you and God, then it is out of your hands. No, things won’t go well for them like you said Marchelle – their prayers will not be heard, but that brings little comfort. We are told to Yeshua is our refuge in times of trouble and so we must continue to obey Him, and pray and read His Word. He is our Comforter in times like this so pray and Him to take away the anger and pain and anything else you’re feeling.

    My advice to you Marchelle – since he keeps wavering yet you know he’s still cheating on you, then let me propose this…..Tell him that you’re aware of this and he has lost your trust. Tell him that you won’t file for a divorce but since he broke covenant with you in favor of another woman, and because he has refused to be your covering (and all that that entails and if you don’t know what that is, then contact me via email and I’ll go into detail) then you are no longer bound to him. He has sent you away without making it official so he cannot claim any rights over you. That means that he can remain in the home, do his DUTY as a provider in paying the bills etc. but in NO WAY are you bound to give yourself physically to him. (meaning sex) He has violated that trust so re-consummating an empty trust is not love, but just sex – much like animals do. You can do your job in taking care of the home, food, etc. but at this point, you two are little more than roommates. He can’t have his cake and eat it too and you cannot break covenant with him and he’s playing around with you and his promise to you and so you must put your foot down in another way.

    If one or the both of you moves out, that will put a financial strain most likely on you, if he is the bread-winner. So rather than separate physically, make him uphold his financial responsibility, without the loving kindness that comes with a wife. He has to know there are consequences to his actions. He thinks that as long as he doesn’t have to give you an answer, or if he keeps denying it, then nothing will change. But things have ALREADY changed for you but he’s not thinking about that now. So make him think about it.

    • Carol,

      Thank you so much for your advice. You are so right I have no trust in him even when he is in my sight and did tell him that. He thinks that this behavior is okay and he continues to blame everyone but himself even God. He says he asks God why he put him in this situation or even tested him with this situation. I tried to explain to him that God tests us all but in testing He gives us a way out. I told him before he did this God gave him a way of escape and he did not listen. I know I have to separate because I have no peace and I feel just so unhappy. I am so insecure about myself and I use to have so much confidence in myself. I have literally given all of me to my husband and marriage and now I am trying to find me. I do thank you for the advice and it is just confirming all that God has told me. I have literally made my husband and this marriage my God and I know that is wrong and I am going to change this because I know that God is my real source of happiness and fulfillment. I have to make my heart do what is right and I think it is just that I have been with him so long that it comfortable even though I am miserable. I have to work on me and love and value me as a person and know that this is not what God intended for me. Please do email me because I could not see how to email you about the covering part you were talking about.

  24. Marchelle I really understand your pain right now and it is most days unbearable. I pray for you.

    Carol, Thank you for your encouraging words and for listening. You are right your words do not make me feel any better but I do appreciate them. Only a relationship with Christ that is all encompassing can take away our sorrow.

    I would however like some more insight from you as I do respect your view. What I am trying to get past right now is that if my ex wife’s and ex best friend’s relationship work out in the long run then my kids will move away from me in May 2014.

    I believe in God’s holy word and that he will not affect free will. He only tries to guide his children. If they do continue to live in sin then does it mean that her and him our meant to be and are our children meant to be raised by him, being an unbeliever, a diest, than their own father? This really tears me apart.

    It does not make any sense that this has happened, I know it has drawn me closer to Christ and I have learned so much of myself and have continued to better myself through counseling and reconnection with Christ. I know that my children love me and I love them so much. I know that if her and I were to reconcile that our relationship would be so much stronger.

    All of these things seem as though I have learned in vain. Like I said earlier I will always love my ex wife and no woman on this earth will ever be able to feel the void she has left in my heart. I feel as though the lessons are in vain, because I will never love again. And even if I was to, it hurts know that if my ex came back to me to try again that I would definitely try and work things out and go back with her, only leaving the other in the same pain I am in now. I cannot put another through that same pain.

    Am I meant to be alone because it seems like that is the only option I have. It hurts seeing 8.5 years married, 9.5 years together, 3 awesome children, so many memories. So many dreams crushed because of her choice to divorce me, because of her choice to be with him. It makes me wonder, did she ever really love me or is he so great that his love overshadowed mine and that they are meant to work out.

    Maybe she never wanted me back through this because she thought it was pathetic that I would forgive her for the unthinkable and that in her mind a man should not do that. I still hope for us to be reconciled and our family restored. I pray for this literally 1,000 times a day.

    I feel as though I being the one that has come closer to Christ and that our marriage was tested and that I passed the test being for forgiveness and working through things and her being the one who failed and not only giving into temptation but choosing it full time that I am the only one suffering.

    I do not know what is going to happen, but I pray for our children. Her and I see each other almost everyday and as long as we only keep the discussion about our kids we can remain friendly, but if anything else come up she goes on the warpath, which is why I started hiding my pain from her and keep the topic on the kids. I continue to praise their mother in front of them and when she is not around and I never mention the other man.

    I just don’t understand, will I ever be complete knowing that our children might be without me 70% of the year. I am going to miss out on their childhood. Please pray for them, me, my ex and this other man that he may wake up and realize what he and her have done and continue to do is wrong. How could he put me and my children through the pain that he not so long ago went through himself.

  25. Derrick,

    It is never God’s will that a marriage and family break up. (with a few exceptions which this doesn’t qualify) You’re right, God does guide us. He gives us instruction in His Word but we humans have the option to follow it or not. God’s will doesn’t suddenly change because WE change our minds. God doesn’t change remember? And He cannot go against His character so He will never force someone to obey Him and do the right thing because He wants our TRUE love and obedience, not forced love and obedience.

    And if they move away, this isn’t a reflection on God at all. What you’re witnessing here is the power and influence of Satan over your wife. By listening to her flesh and feeding in to her desires, she has not only invited Satan into her life, but has given him legal license to rule her life.

    You wont’ hear this in a Christian church but I’m going to tell you what’s going on from a Hebrew perspective….

    First – God is our covering, our protection, our refuge etc. But this is based on our oath or covenant with Him. When the Israelites at Mt. Sinai said “we hear and we will obey,” that was a public oath, a marriage vow between them (God’s bride) and God. When we come to Christ, we too take an oath by declaring Him our King, Ruler, and Messiah. We too agree to obey Him. Remember, ‘whoever confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father.’ Matt 10:32 (paraphrased) That is our oath, our commitment, our marriage vow. Now…getting to my point….

    Since she broke her oath with not only you, but with God, she is no longer under His covering, His protection, His anything. She is a rebel basically. She is open to all kinds of demonic influence and will remain in bondage unless she does t’shuva or repents. This is never God’s will but technically, God has NO LEGAL RIGHT to do anything unless she cries out for help. He will not and cannot get her out of her mess WHICH SHE HAS CHOSEN. An oath is legally binding. While God remains sovereign in all things, He will not override a heavenly legal system which He instituted.

    Think of all the times when Israel sinned and how they had to go outside of the camp. Going outside of the camp is not God rejecting them. Since they CHOSE to live outside of His statues, then THEY HAVE REMOVED THEMSELVES from the assembly. Light and darkness cannot mix and so the darkness must be removed, which is why they were expelled. It’s quite possible that the same thing has happened here with you. Light and darkness cannot mix and so the one in darkness leaves.

    This is something a lot of people don’t get….God is not going to keep a marriage together if one or both parties break covenant with each other or Him, even though He instituted marriage. Our earthly marriage is just a way to communicate with us about a bigger picture and that is our marriage to the Father. It’s never really about us and our happiness. It’s all about Him and our relationship with Him. We are here to serve God, not ourselves. We breath in order to serve God with our very lives, not see to our own happiness which will pass away along with everything else in the world.

    There is so much to say on this subject. I’ve only touched the surface because I don’t want to overload you. Let this sink in because this sort of thing is not commonly taught in church.

  26. This is an interesting thread. It tears my heart to read of so many families breaking apart, so much heartache. My wife left me in September of last year and refuses to speak to me or our kids (they are not her biological kids, but she has been in their lives since they were 2 and 6; they are now 14 and 18). She just snapped and said she was not coming home anymore, that she still loves me, but that she needs to find herself. She cut off everyone we know as a couple and has started a new life at a different church. She filed for divorce in April and we are headed for an absolute divorce in September, if God does not step in. But He will step in. Our marriage will be restored.

    Here are a few things that the Lord has shown me over the past months. 1) it is never God’s will that marriages breakup; 2) there is no such thing as a bad marriage. God instituted marriage and everything God makes is “good”. People are bad and it is the people in the marriage that make marriage bad, difficult, unbearable, etc. God needs to fix the people, not marriage. People are broken, marriage is beautiful. 3) free will must be taken with a grain of salt. Free will is simply the freedom to make decisions. However, there are so many variables that influence our decision-making process that our free will really boils down to the influences in our life. 4) God’s will trumps man’s will. Proverbs states it clearly, man has his plans, but God’s will overrides man’s plans. Time and time again we read how God stepped in and literally took the will of man away. He will not force us to love Him as any parent will not force their child to love him/her, but He will override our decisions when He finds it appropriate. For example, He did not allow Balaam to curse Israel and “made” Balaam speak the words God wanted him to speak. One biblical version clearly quotes Balaam; “I had every intention of cursing Israel, but when I opened my mouth, only the words the Lord wanted me to speak came out.” Again, the Lord caused Nebuchanezzar to eat grass for seven years until he realized that the Lord was the Lord God of all and proclaimed Him as such. Even in 2 Tim. 2:26 we read that Satan can ensnare people and make them do HIS will, not their own. So man’s free will—-not really. Even people can influence our “free will” and make us decide what they want us to do. 5) God can save any marriage if the person prays and truly believes. Marriages are not restored because people do not BELIEVE that they will be. In the book of James, God says, if you doubt, don’t even bother praying–it won’t be answered. Through the pain, it is hard to believe, but if you do not believe, you are walking through the wilderness for longer than you need to. Israel wondered in the wilderness for 40 years because of their constant complaining and disbelief. If you believe that God can bring your spouse to his/her senses then right then your spouse will come home. God can do anything. Period. He is God. There are no stipulations, rules, or guidelines for God. But do you believe that? Satan will allow you to see and hear all manner of evil simply to get you to doubt because he knows when you doubt your prayers are hindered. So do whatever you need to do to believe that God is answering your prayer and watch how quickly the mountain is cast into the sea.

    I have reached the point where I believe that God is working on my wife’s heart and that she will be coming home any day now—any minute in fact. We cannot tell people to be happy in the Lord while their spouse is sleeping with someone else. That is unreasonable. God did not tell Jesus to be happy while His people were rejecting Him. Jesus wept. He cried and agonized over His people. He sweat blood. It is painful for your own flesh to reject you. But the battle is already won. God wants you to believe in Him. Once you get to the point of believing, He will move. Or—someone else may pray and believe for you and your spouse will come running. Other than that, God is waiting on you. “Oh, what needless pain we bare.”

    Hang in there, Everyone. God sees your pain. He is hurting more than you are. Believe that He will do what He said He will do. PLEASE do not doubt. Your doubts will cripple you.

    • You’re comment really uplifted me. I’m struggling so much since my husband walked out 6 months ago. Sometimes I think the pain might actually kill me.
      I’m interested to hear if your situation has changed. And if so, do you have any additional insight for someone still walking through the fire, so to speak?

  27. Please pray my wife will forgive me I cheated on her and I know I am sorry for it and I have asked god to forgive me. Now I know he will open her hart and speak to her. Staten got a hold of me really bad . I repent all my sins and I know god is going to bring her back one day. I pray every day and night asking god to for give me.and open her Hart up. He gave me the best woman in the world a godly woman that got me in to reading the bible I never even opened one before I got with her then santen came out of know where and got me keep telling me there was something better out there for me.

  28. Now I don’t think I am worthy of gods forgiveness. I know I will be judged by him. I have read all of JOb now nd it is helping me. Just started on Mathew I want to show her I can be a godly husband to her if she will give me chance if any can help in prayer that god will speak to her hart if god can forgive she should also forgive I love her so much but god is first now in my life and will always be. I tied to change but every time Staten would get in my head and I would make excuses not to go to bible study and not read or pray and I know god is real

    • Hello George, I’m sorry about the situation you and your wife are in. If you repent, which it looks like you have, then the Lord will forgive you. Unfortunately you still have to reap the consequences. It’s up to your wife now. Give her some time to heal and pray for her as well because I’m sure she’s hurting more than you can understand.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  29. Will you pray for her also I know god is my father and just like we do with are are kids we punish them for doing wrong and I know my father is punishing me for doing wrong and I am so sorry. I hope I am still worthy

  30. I know god is real I go to the church parking lot every night and pray he will open Brenda Warner’s hart and speak to her. I hate Staten so much I never want to sin again and play with god. I know I want to be worthy of being in his kingdom and I want that with my wife and and spend it in paradise. I know the end is near we are living in the last days. I never loved some one so much and now I know I should of loved god first I tried and every time I would open my bible and read the next day Staten would temp me with something I was weak . I didn’t even know how to look up stuff in the bible and I was 40 years old we would go to church and I would get so upset because I couldn’t keep up but she showed me how and I would get excited and when I walked out the door Staten was there waiting. Please pray for us

  31. The bible says that a husband should treat his wife in the same way Jesus treated his disciples. He who loves his wife loves himself , for no man ever hated his own flesh, but he feeds and cherishes it, as Christ also does the congregation. Ephesians 5:23 25_29

    • Yes, and Jesus and His bride, (us), is a picture and example of how a marriage is done. We are to remain faithful to Him, just like we are to remain faithful to our earthly spouses. We are to forgive just as He forgives us etc.

  32. My husband is been with other woman since a few years i was not aware.
    On the 14 of this month he informed that our 16 year marriage was just a paper and we only have a bond blood referring to my 12 year old daughter.
    I was shock because this is my husband the one i was suppose to die with.
    Few days later he send me a picture of a newborn baby girl, informing me they had a baby.
    He asked me to keep hidden from my daughter because she is not ready to know and when she will be older she will understand.
    I am completely devastated and in pane .
    He is going to Romania with this woman and the baby , I believe she is romanian, and he does not want to have an holiday with us.
    I was honest with my daughter and I have told her the true, she is in pane and sad.
    However she wants to keep a secret waiting till the day he tells her.
    He says that he will provide for us and he will not take anything from our daughter to give to his new child.
    I have been praying many times a day, my hope is with Jesus and our almighty god.
    Please pray for me and give me your advise
    Thank you

  33. My wife is a serial cheater, pathological liar and abandoned me 2 years ago to live with another man. She has made this affair public and holds papers over my head to threaten me with. I finally filed and am waiting for the court date. So you’re saying that I should cancel my divorce and go on accepting this abuse?

    • No, she broke covenant and has already left you. This verse is quoted somewhere within the comments, I believe – something to the effect of ‘if a nonbeliever wants to leave, then let them’ and this is what happened.

      I’m sorry that you’re going through this. She is obviously acting according to her flesh and her lustful desires. “Love” doesn’t factor into it even though she might think so. If you are a believer, the best thing you can do is to cling to God and seek His face. The Lord will deal with her as it won’t be pretty if she doesn’t repent. But as for you, you keep being righteous in His sight and let Him comfort you. And if you want to talk further, click the Contact link in the menu and we can talk via email. Blessings :)

  34. My husband and I have been married for two and a half years. My husband has never been able to commit to anything other than his book that he wrote which took him 13 years to do. My husband has blamed me for being manipulative and verbally abusive. I am totally to blame for being manipulative, I chose to control my free spirited husband and thought that if I could just bend him he would change and become more stable. I threatened divorce allot in arguments to get him to realize how lonely and sad I was. It blew up in my face and now he wants to divorce me. I am heart broken I have pathetic boundaries and I over stepped his boundaries. My husband went to see a lawyer last week Friday and now I feel hopeless. I cannot bring myself to file for divorce, as I still desperately want to save my marriage and to save our love. He was my best friend. My question is, can I ask God to heal my marriage is it ok for me to ask God hand to intervene and open my husband heart to want to save the marriage. I am so lonely and feeling desperate I don’t know what I can do to save my marriage.

  35. I forgot to say that neither of us have cheated we are culprits of emotional abuse. I have begun counseling with a counselor from the church and we are focusing on my healing. My husband has chosen divorce as he feels lost and lonely and scared. He feels that at the age of 37 he needs to find himself and believes that getting a divorce and moving to China to teach English is the answer.
    I feel worse everyday and just dont know what els I can do. He wont take my calls and answers my emails with anger. I moved cities to be with family and now feel like its my fault that we are here.

  36. Hello Kim,
    Yes, you can definitely ask God to help restore your marriage! And as for you, my suggestion is to give him some space and stop writing letters and let God work. After awhile of fervent prayer on your part, and some time, then write him short notes and admit to things that are you fault – like what you admitted here. Come clean with him and be honest. Can you go to China with him?

  37. He doesnt want me to go
    He says he needs to find himself again and wants to be free with no atachments.
    I did write him a letter admitting all my faults in the marriage and he just used it against me.
    I am giving him space now. I am just feerful that he will rush ahead and get the divorce papers.
    In South Africa only one party needs to file for divorce and then ten days later you re divorced its quite scary.
    I have asked people t pry fr my marriage but they keep saying that I need to be prapared for the worste and then their prayer changes to one for me and my healing.

    • Kim. You need to let go and let God do the work. Use the time to focus on yourself and draw closer to God and Hid Word. When my husband and I seperated it was the most painful experience I’ve ever lived I can not describe the pain and lonliness I felt.
      But it was on those darkest moments that I was able to experience God’s unfailing love for me, He became my strength, my Rock my provider my All I
      learned how to depend on Him fir everything. God showed me that he will restore my marriage, but that it will he at his timing not mine. I thought that it meant that He would not allowed divorce to happened, but He did my divorce was finalized 2 months ago.
      But I’m still trusting in his promises I’ve waited for almost a year and a half, but God has given me the peace and assurance to keep waiting on Him.
      I’ve used the time I’ve been alone to grow closer to God, to serve Him and serve others. There are still hard days but God has helped to take one day at a time, He always encourages me to keep going when I feel like I can’t go on. If you’re husband has made up his mind there’s nothing you can do, but God can, just let Him do the work on your husband. You just pray for your husband everyday and leave him on God’s hands.

  38. Hi Carol…

    I was once married and we got divorced. My ex-wife and I are now reconciling and have been at it for well over four years with many ups and many more downs….but I have stuck to the restoration process…I believe it’s what God wants me to do…
    My question is…how is sex viewed in this regard…that is between two people who were married, got divorced and now are reconciling?

    • If there is sex involved during this reconciling period (where you’re not married) then it’s sex outside of marriage or fornication. Where there is no covenant involved, God sees as an act of the flesh.

      Back to something mentioned previously, while I do believe that grace is more apparent in the New Covenant, that doesn’t mean the Old Covenants laws were abolished. The New Covenant breaths life (Ruach) into the Old Covenant, making it possible to obey because we are no longer bound to sin. So in my understanding, for right now anyway, I still believe that once you are divorced, have sex with someone else, then you cannot remarry the first person because that is considered adultery. God does not change and since He IS the Word, then it doesn’t change either.Rather the old laws are built upon.

      • My wife left 4 years ago and divorced me 2 1/2 years ago. I prayed for restoration the whole time. Now she has a boyfriend with whom she is having sex. I willing to wait and forgive anything if it was God’s will. If restoration of our marriage is no longer possible, am I free to re-marry eventually?

  39. The question is…if the covenant is broken then why does God state that if the woman or man remarries they are committing adultery in the new covenant….? it must be that the old one was never annulled…if sex takes place with the woman or man after the divorce, then neither person can go back or move forward…for the rest of their lives they are to remain single??….if it is that you are saying then you have made repentance null and void…you have GRACE have no effect…you have love null and void….
    How can that….my reading of the bible suggest otherwise…GRACE exist for these very situation….you can invoke the LAW to judge someone who’s under GRACE….We are not under the LAW but GRACE….while you can use the LAW to point out where we have fallen short…but GRACE ultimately determines the outcome…that is through LOVE….as YEshua said, LOVE fulfills the requirement of the LAW….that’s he pointed to DAVID eating the show bread when they were hungry…in David heart wasn’t about violating the Jewish practice…he was moving LOVE of his men who were hungry….Hosea was asked to marry a prostitute….
    There an abundance of evidence that tells that if the love that drives a decision is pure and true to God, and one moves with a heart that seeks God’s purpose….all is well….
    I believe it is wrong to use the LAW to dictate an action exception that action is stating that you should run to Yeshua…seek his counsel…seek his forgiveness and then let the Holy Spirit direct your path..

    Looking forward to your thoughts.

    • Under the first Covenant, if you broke the law, there was swift and severe judgment. There was no Holy Spirit. People was doing what they were told with no help from the Spirit. (please read my latest post on Legalism)

      Under the New Covenant, we have mercy, forgiveness (when we repent), grace (and there was grace in the OT btw) we have the Holy Spirit, the law written on our hearts (not abolished). Basically, now we have the “law” WITH the Holy Spirit which enables us to want to obey them, to have a relationship with God. We are no longer going through the motions devoid of the Spirit.

      But if we know AHEAD of time that something is a sin, and we sin anyway relying on grace, then we are guilty of willful sin or rebellion.

      This belief of the ‘law done away with’ because we are ‘under grace’ is a false teaching. Much is misunderstood in this area and what ‘legalism’ means. Please read this short post I wrote on legalism because it applies to this law and grace issue. http://boldlyproclaimingchrist.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/so-you-think-you-know-what-legalism-is-2/

    • If someone divorces and remarries the Bible says they are in adultery. Why? Because in God’s eyes they are still married that’s why, so they are having sex with someone that is not their spouse. So the right thing to do is to go back to their covenant spouse. How can you say that they can’t? Yes if they repent God will forgive them, but repenting means forsaking the sin you’re in, in this case adultery.
      Bible is very clear about that.
      You can not say that you’ve repented and continue sinning, having sex with other than you’re spouse, because again God says if anyone divorces his wife and remarries He commits adultery, because he will be having sex with someone who is not their spouse, that is not a marriage in God’d eyes that’s just a human way of legalizing their adulterous relationship, if God considered that a marriage in his eyes He would not say that they’re committing adultery!
      Silent Flute with no doubt God wants you and your wife to restore your marriage, my question is if you know that’s God’s will for you why have you and your wife not remarried, yes in God’s eyes you never stopped being husband and wife, but I think the right thing to do us to remarry.
      Now I recommend that you paray to God with your question and let Him be the one you give you the answer, believe me he will. I had the same question even though my husband has not returned yet, I believe He can return any day and I want to be prapared.
      please visit
      http://www.rejoicemarriageministries.org
      and go to their bookstore, look for the CD “Sex and the Stander”
      Even though I already knew the answer to my question, that teaching just reaffirmed it.
      God bless

  40. Hi Maria..

    Thanks for your insight…

    I have every intention on remarrying…I’m still praying for her heart….she’s troubled and has reservations….we’re not living together, but we have been trying to reconcile…I have been praying for the changes that is her heart as well as mine in preparation to receive her when she’s fully ready….
    I have prayed and asked the question…..i’m still not quite sure if i have the answer..

    My prayer remains that God helps with the reconciliation process as he’s the only one that can change hearts and renews the mind….I was once as drawn away from the whole idea of reconciliation….and through the process of time….God change my heart and mind towards her and I realized where I went wrong and have been trying to make amends for where I went wrong…I have expressed that to her and she has acknowledged it and spoken of the change and also expressed this is what wanted and expected from me….but her heart hasn’t changed enough for marriage to be the next option….
    I remain in prayer and seeking the counsel of the Holy Spirit.

    • I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. And yes the Holy Spirit is the One who can give you the answers.
      My heart was also hardened at the beginning and did not want to take responsibility, but God showed me the areas where I had failed in my marriage
      and in my Christian walk, He then restored the love fir my husband and I’ve been waiting in his perfect timing to bring him home.
      It’s been a year and a half with many ups and downs, but God has been faithful and I’m using this time to grow in the Word and serve God and others.
      I hope you visit the website that I recommended it has been of a gray help to me.
      Do not lose faith and God will move your wife’s heart towards marriage at His appointed time.
      God Bless You
      Maria

  41. Just a update god restored my marrage i prayed every day.. then i told god you know what is right you know how my hart is i stopped asking him to bring her back because thats what i wanted. then i started asking god what he wanted and i just asked him to open her hart up and hope he keeps her safe and draws her closer to him. Two months went by and two weeks ago we are working it out. I did wrong i cheated with my eyes on her. i asked god to for give me of my sins and asked him to have her forgive… i love god so much and i want every one to know his real all you have to do is open your hart to him all he wants is you to ask for him to come in..

  42. MY husband wont get help he is running away from himself. He has distanced himself from me. I had to leave the same city as him and moved back in with my parents. He is being abusive and controlling my heart is holding on for a miracle but he wont see that he needs help. He was in a car accident and has brain damage so he cant handle stress at all. He is refusing to see that he ways are wrong and that he need help. He is pushing for divorce and has pushed his family away from him. I dont know what to do. When is it okay to give up and go the divorce way. It is something I dont want to do but I am also aware that if he doesnt change or acknowledge that he needs help then there is nothing I can do

  43. My wife had an affair after 8 years of marriage, we have a little girl who was 2 and half years old at the time. She was having the affair at least 6 months prior to our separation, she lied not only to me but to all our family.we have been separated for two years she is not giving up her relationship with the other man. I divorced her after two years and now we have been divorced for about 6 months. I have not been with any woman since our separation, it has been a a time of reflection and hard times, my relationship with Jesus has been the best I have ver experienced in all my life. I have come out this situation and I believe that I am ready to meet someone. Your right I am also finding that
    every time I think about dating other women I find that my spirit feel uneasy in me. She has moved in with the other man what do I ! I have a supportive family and lots of great friends. I am a little torn but I am heading to scripture and prayer for God to direct me.

  44. Thomas 1168 is right, I also think this only leads to frustration and in a way it sends a message to the offender that this kind of behavior will be tolerated. Don’t wait! Get on with life! Jesus said you can divorce due to sexual immorality. This article only encourages abused people to hold onto those sexually immoral husbands and wives.

  45. Thanks for writing this article. I am praying for everyone, please pray my strength to endure as well thank you.

  46. I would like some advise my husband is a muslim and I am Christian.
    I did not know was a sin to marry an unbeliever and i have been asking for the forgiveness of our almighty god and Jesus.
    My daughter is Christian and have been baptised.
    However my husband is now with another woman and i have been praying for the restoration of my marriage.
    But lately I have been doubting of asking to bring him back, because since my daughter is older he wants her to be a muslim.
    I have been dwelling between saving my marriage and the negativity of anti Christ influence of my husband religion in my daughter life.
    Since Muslims deny the crucification and resurrection of Jesus.
    I an tired and drain off.
    Lately I have stopped praying for my marriage and for him to know Jesus as his lord and saviour because i don’t feel I can live with an unbeliever any longer.
    Any comments …. Thank you

  47. I am confused. MY husband Philen Naidu has filed for divorce and is being horrid about it. I cannot get hold of him at all over the phone or email. how do i stay faithful when the divorce goes through am i supposed to wait forever i am running out of faith and strength the pain doesn’t get any easier
    :(

  48. Keep praying God will give you the strength to keep going.
    I’ve been waiting over a year I know God is faithful and know He will reunite me with my husband, but it has to be at His timing not mine.
    I encourage you to use this time to grow in your relationship with God, He needs to be number one in your life. You need to make sure that wanting your marriage restored does not become your idol. You need to desire God more than your marriage. Focus on living for God and He will take care of the rest.

  49. Prayer is so desperately needed for my marriage. We have been seperated for 3 months. He has offered for me to come home but still sending mixed messages. I pray for restoration. Its hard and I’m getting tired. So is he. We have 2 kids both under 5.

  50. I am so desperate my husband Philen has turned on me and is sending me awful messages saying that after he divorces me he wants nothing to do with me. We argued but there was no affair or anything sinister. I try calling me regularly but I don’t know what els I can do to show him that its just me. I feel empty and just want to close my eyes and not wake up.

  51. I have been divorced for one year now and it’s still hard for me to understand just what happened. I was married to the praise and worship leader of our church. I work got the government dealing with environmental issues and I discovered that the pastor was taking illegal shortcuts when he was installing a sewer treatment plant for the church. I brought this matter to his attention and he denied any wrong doing. He then used his influence on my wife to convince her that I was a trouble maker and was trying to damage his ministry. He sent word home by my wife for me to find another church that could teach me what church authority was. Several days later my wife came home and said that because I was being rebellious to the pastor that we would need to separate. Three weeks later she contacted me and said she was going to divorce me. I took the information I knew and turned it over to the state officials that regulate environmental discharges. They found the same things that I found but because he was pastor of the biggest church in town and because a government engineer was involved in the coverup they allowed him to correct his mistakes under the cover of the construction on a new gym that was quickly built. No one in the church except those closest to the pastor knew anything was going on. He used his pulpit to critize me and make me out to be any enemy to his church. My wife remained loyal to him and followed through with the divorce with the blessing of her church and her pastor. She did step down from leading the praise and worship until the divorce was final but is now back leading the worship as if nothing ever happened.

    • Wow Raymond!!! That’s a heck of a story!!! This has Satan’s hoof prints all over it! What happened is your pastor is NOT a man of God. When you opposed him, he lead a campaign to destroy you and your marriage. Who else “destroys” but the “Destroyer?” Your ex-wife, being of weak mind, lacking discernment and biblical knowledge, believing gossip and false testimony, followed her flesh and the ungodly pastor. Everything they did was NOT according to the bible and the divorce wasn’t either.

      In situations like this, you want to truth to be told. You want to tell the congregants what’s REALLY going on but….know that God knows and you are already vindicated to Him. He will take care of your ex and the pastor in His own timing. Just rest in the knowledge that you did the right thing. If you want to talk further, email me using the Contact tab.

      • Thanks Carol. Of course because of time and space I didn’t tell the whole story. I did try to just be one of them and support my wife. I sat on the front row of this church for six years and listened to sermons that wanted to make me throw up. Him teaching on intergridy and honesty and me knowing all along that he was doing things for his own financial gain. Just one example. He built three new sanctuaries in 8 years all on the same grounds way before the existing church was at capacity. He convinced the church we had to stay ahead of the growth. What the church didn’t know was that after each project he paid himself a huge fee and called it a contractors fee since he was the contractor. The second church cost 700000.00 to build and I found out he paid himself 70000 contractor fee. The third church cost over 3million so I would expect his fee was in the 300 thousand dollar range. I just couldn’t sit quite any more so I confronted him and told him what I knew. I knew too much so he had to get me away from there, which he did. It’s been two years since I first confronted him a year of separation and a year after being divorced and the pain on rejection and abandonment is still as fresh as the day it happened. I was very popular in my church circle and had many friends and with the exception of two friends everyone else has turned their backs on me. So now I am mostly all alone and spend most of my time seeking asweres from God. The church continues to grow and prosper and I wait on The Lord.

      • You might not agree with but I believe that if Yeshua came to divide, that this is a case where the darkness and light have been divided. You’ve been around a hireling pastor who’s been doing evil and so he’s not fulfilling the requirements of a good shepherd. Your ex – well there’s a whole lot more that’s wrong in that situation that I can’t get into here. I’ll just say that I believe it is God’s will that you are divided. People are under the impression that ALL marriages are blessed and supported by God but this just isn’t so because we know of some of the prohibitions. He says darkness and light and have nothing in common and if that’s the case, then you were unequally yoked. The believer is never to initiate the divorce process but your ex did and so you’re in the clear. You are to let her go like the apostle Paul says. You just keep following the Lord and doing the right thing.

  52. Hi my heart is still broken, my husband and I have been separated for over 10 years but I still love him and ask God to restore our marriage and break these chains. He seems to have moved on but I can’t. HELP

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  56. I have struggled with this topic so much. My ex-husband and were both unfaithful to each other, and the he denounced Christ 5 years into our marriage. I am in a relationship with a man now who loves God and we do amazing things for the church together, serving our community and working every day on gratefulness and obedience. I think I would be content with this if my ex-husband didn’t bring up reconciliation. I know that if I wanted to we could work towards that and we have two boys under 8 years old. If I do that though, I’m leaving a man who loves God for a man who thinks my God is a farce, who has a short fuse and who either spoke to and treated me harshly during our marriage or just ignored me and has a pornography addiction that he thinks is ok…

    Why would God want me to go back to that? I never wanted my family to be split apart, that’s why it’s still a consideration, but what kind of example am I setting for the kids if we do reconcile and he just treats me the same as he always did before, is neglectful and harsh to the boys because he knows I’m there to take care of them belittles my love for God around the children and ultimately they are more at risk at a chance of stumbling upon pornography…

    I feel like he’s a better father when I’m not there because he actually has to do the work. He gets tired of the children after 4 nights with them and wants to go back to just being by himself. Everything screams stay divorced besides my confusion over God’s Word on this subject.

    I will append that we have a very nice friendship now and do family time in small doses with the boys and it’s these great times together that make me wonder if it could all be different.

    • You have two choices either reconcile with your husband or remain unmarried.
      It’s tough but God’s word is very clear on that subject. You and your husband are bound to each other until one of you dies. If you choose not to reconcile with your husband that’s your choice, but you will have to remain unmarried and bound to your husband while he’s alive.
      Like I said it’s hard, but not impossible I have been seperated from my husband for two years and divorced one.
      God showed me what my options were and even though I struggled to obey then at first I knew obeying God will bring me more joy and peace that being an a relationship that goes against God’s commandments.
      I’ve carried myself as astride woman, and God has been my All during this time I love serving Him and that’s given me such joy. I know that while my husband is alive there will always be a possibility for reconciliation, and when that day comes I will accept it.
      Pray for God to guide you He is the only one that can change your husband. If you think your children and you are in danger with your husband than just pray that God will do a mighty work on Him, and show you when is the right time for you to seek reconciliation.
      But again you are married in God’s eyes for the only thing that ends a marriage is death, nothing else not even unfaithfulness.
      Will be praying that you seek God and not men for answers He will guide you.

      • Blessings to you too Carol.
        I’m glad God spoke to me to search His Word for answers, as I was also on the wrong path at the beginning of my seperation, due to me listening to men instead of searching the Scriptures myself and let God guide me.
        God does not contradict Himself we just try to twist the Scriptures when it’s hard to accept what it says.
        Blessings and may you continue to share with others.

      • Dear Maria:

        Christ Yeshua specifically said, in Matthew 19:9, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

        It is clear the Son of God allows for divorce and remarriage in the case of marital infidelity. To negate what He says is to ignore the Son of God, who is the WORD of God.

        I appreciate your position on marriage and I believe far too many couples seek divorces that are unBiblical, but when one’s spouse has been unfaithful to one’s vows, it is acceptable in the eyes of the Son of God to divorce and remarry (if one so chooses), just as long as it is…”in the Lord.”

        In His service – C.J. Sledgehammer

      • Where does the bible say they can remarry if the spouse is still alive? Maria was not ignoring that verse – divorce is permissible in cases of infidelity but not remarriage if the spouse is still alive.

      • And I’m not ignoring any verses if you read all that speak about marriage, you will not find that remarriage while your spouse leaves it’s not permitted.
        God even warns a third party ( Luke 16:18) not to marry a divorced woman, because if he does he will be committing adultery!
        Why because even though she’s divorced she’s still bound to her husband while he lives.
        So Go is very clear he does not leave any room for confusion. The one who divorces and remarries commits adultery, if the one who that person divorced remarries commits adultery and whoever marries a divorced person commits adultery.
        I’m not ignoring God’s Word, it will be easier for me to remarry than willing to reconcile to my husband or staying single. I could justify it by saying that almost everyone believes it’s right, but God has shown me the truth and I will rather obey Him and His Word then listen to men’s opinions.

    • This is a reply to Jackie, but I would also like to address Carol (the author) as well. As much as I greatly admire and appreciate Carol’s convictions, I feel that Scripture gives a bit more liberty in regards to your particular situation. First, 2 Corinthians 6:14 states that we as Christians should “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” It is clear that your ex-husband was an unbeliever. And what does Scripture say about the Christian married to the non-Christian? “But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15) The key Greek word here is δεδούλωται which means “under bondage” or “enslaved.” Scripture clearly states that if the unbelieving spouse divorces the believer, the believer is no longer under the bondage of the marriage covenant. This is NOT “until death do you part.”

      Furthermore, we see in 1 Corinthians 6:9 that those who fornicate and commit adultery will not inherit the Kingdom of God. In fact, it says that all of the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Who of us is righteous in the eyes of God without the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ? Read on to verse 11 and see “Some of you were once like that (unrighteous, fornicators, adulterers, etc.) But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made righteous with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:11). The Scripture is clear that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9). So how then can we go on being condemned for our unrighteous actions if this is true?

      From what I see in the New Testament, marriage is a God-centered monogamous life-long union. If we take out the God-centered part, what foundation do we have to stand on? I can’t imagine that The Lord would condemn two monogamous committed believers in a God-centered marriage just because one or both members were divorced from an unbeliever. Let us not forget that God Himself said “it is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18). If reconciliation is not possible, than where does it say that forced celibacy is the only option? Let us not forget that celibacy is a Spiritual Gift, not something to be forced. Not everyone has the Spiritual Gift of celibacy. Only some are called to celibacy, and in this comes a strong conviction, but it is not required for all. Paul writes, “But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” (1 Corinthians 7:7-9). So it is better to get married than to be single if you burn in lust. If one is forced to be celibate, they may be causing themselves to sin by their fixation on longing in unrequited affection. Now I can imagine that Carol may focus on the “unmarried” aspect of the verse and consider remarriage void from this… However, the Greek word ἀγάμοις means: “unmarried, of a person not in a state of wedlock, whether he or she has formerly been married or not.” (THAYER’S GREEK LEXICON, 2011). Note that this verse distinguishes between the widow (who has been married and their spouse has died) and the unmarried (the person who has either never been married, or formerly married to a spouse who has NOT died.) If it were only addressing those who have never been married, Paul would have used the word παρθένος which means “virgin.” (Note that Paul distinguishes the difference between the unmarried [ἀγάμοις] and the virgin [παρθένος] in 1 Corinthians 7:34.)

      Going back up to 1 Corinthians 7:15, it is clear that you (Jackie) are not in a state of wedlock because you are excused from the bondage of the marriage covenant due to your ex-husband being an unbeliever… So I believe that Scripture does not prohibit remarriage in your case. Furthermore, we must remember that we are only made righteous by the blood of Jesus Christ who was sacrificed once for the forgiveness of all sins. We are only made perfect in the eyes of God through the grace of His forgiveness, not by our own acts. Remember that “we are no longer under The Law, but under grace” (Romans 6:14). When we live under The Law, we risk putting faith into our own works, but it is only by grace that we are saved. Any thoughts?

      • Hello Moanti,

        Here is what I believe regarding your response. I definitely agree with the fact that if a non-believing spouse insists on leaving, you should let them go. And I know that the Bible discusses the circumstances in which divorce is permitted.

        But here is what gets me every time, no matter what my husband has done or continues to do, and regardless of me having the “right” to divorce him or not….

        On our wedding day I made a vow to my husband and to the Lord. I did. I promised God and my husband that I would love and cherish my husband for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE.

        I absolutely hear what you are saying. But I KNOW the promise I spoke on my wedding day! It’s not that I’ve never liked the thought of “moving on with my life”, because I have entertained it, sadly. But God keeps bringing me back to the promise I made. I did enter into a covenant with my husband. And I don’t believe anything BUT death will break that covenant.

        And no, it is not a perfect beautiful picture of Christ and the church, like marriage is supposed to be, when a spouse is gone and/or pursuing their own desires.

        But when I think of the call to be like Christ, to die to myself daily, and to love unconditionally (1 Corinthians 13), I cannot help but come to the conclusion that the Lord would have me stand for my marriage as a display of HIS love, and for the soul and eternal destiny of my husband. Because this life isn’t about me.

        I would love to hear your response on this! Thank you for what you wrote!

  57. If you read carefully it gives the option to divorce, but not to remarry.
    It still says what all the other scriptures say if you marry someone else you committ adultery.
    It does not say. ( I tell you that if anyone divorces his wife and marries another except for the cause of fornication), the clause applies to divorce not remarriage.
    Remarriage while your spouse is alive is Adultery it’s as clear as it can be and it’s written in God’s Word.

  58. Pingback: Marriage advice at Miracle Word – Gainesville Sun | Holy Words to Save Your Marriage

  59. OMG ! the whole thing is very confusing though enlightening. i separated from my husband almost three yrs ago due to series oh unfaithfulness last of which i busted him with a next door neighbor, irresponsibility and neglect,and many more. i am born again and have been ever since, he also claimed the same yet he stopped even going to church many months before separation. as if not enough, there was alot of psychological and verbal abuse from him that almost ran me into depression. ever since i have struggling with issues ranging from forgiveness, bitterness, hate but which have caused me draw near to God everyday. As a result, i have been seeing these dreams that suggest that all isnt lost after all and sincerely,though he seems to have moved on(i see him with the (ow) in Facebook), i am able to even pray for him everyday for God to build him a hedge of thorns like hosea’s case.

    my question is, its him who has been unfaithful and not remorseful, illtreated me and right now with the other woman, does God want me to reconcile with this man after abandoning me and our son 4yrs old all this?
    if i pray for him and God brings him back will he change of will just come and continue in his wickedness?
    how will i erase these memories esp of the verbal abuse from my mind and start to love again?
    what do i need to do that will embrace him back if ever?
    any prayer support i can get for our side?coz i feel alone, sometimes i am not able even to pray.

    • Hello mamake abdi,
      I just read this article and wanted to comment on it, and then I also read your comment.

      First, thank you so much Carol for this post. I LOVE when people proclaim the truth about marriages, because this world, and even so much of the church, is blinded to it!!

      mamake abdi, I just want to encourage you, because I’m in a similar situation…Not exactly, but parts of our stories are similar. When you ask if God would want you to reconcile with your husband, who is a sinner, first look at yourself. Does God reconcile with you when YOU sin? YES! Every time! It is so important for you to recognize your own sin and be broken over it! Only then can you truly appreciate what Jesus has done for you, and then be willing to extend that same mercy, grace, and forgiveness to your husband.

      God can use any situation to bring him back. But God has perfect timing. A lot of times, God will not bring our husbands back unless we are in the place He wants us. You need to allow God to work on you first. He can get you to the point where you can welcome your husband home with open arms, unconditional love, and celebration, just like the father welcomed back his prodigal son! Most likely, your husband will come home with lots of brokenness and baggage. Are you willing to be a safe place for him? Will you bandage your husbands wounds and pray for him to be healed and freed from the enemy’s grips? Or will you be judgmental and condemning towards him?

      The Lord WILL erase the bad memories. At first it is very difficult. At first it seems almost impossible to get the bad thoughts out of your mind. But that’s why it is SO important to memorize God’s Word, and to meditate on it. You need to be able to fight off the devil’s attacks on your mind with God’s truth. He tells us to rejoice in Him ALWAYS. He tells us to fix our thoughts on that which is pure, right true, noble, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. He tells us that He will keep us in perfect peace if our thoughts are fixed on HIM.

      Please be encouraged. You are not alone! Do not give up! I have some amazing resources posted on my blog for people standing for their marriages. Check out Rejoice Marriage Ministries. They have offered me so much encouragement and poured truth into my life about what marriage is in God’s eyes and the attitude I need to have as I stand for my marriage.

      • Thank you Joyfulstander for your reply. Hopefully the other commenters will be back and read what you wrote. :) Blessings! :)

  60. I divorced my husband a year ago, but we still share a house cause of financial reasons….he has a hindu girlfriend and I’m regretting divorcing him since I have been studying Gods word…I should of prayed for him and been more submitting and forgiving…but I rebelled and got a divorce…..
    Is it possible God will restore us…we have 2 beautiful kids and I was emotionally abused by him and part physical….I blame myself cause I was not a easy wife and want my family back…

  61. Why isn’t anyone leaving any testimonies of restored marriages and how doing what Carol advises according to the word of God has bared fruit for at least 1 person, all I read is I’ve been waiting for 8 years, etc….. But not one restored marraige.

    • I was looking for a page with testimonies or restored marriages too.
      But just because there’s not one that does not mean that there aren’t any.
      I’ve found so many on YouTube.

      Also please check rejoicemarriageministries.org
      they have a lot of testimonies of restored marriages on their website as well as in CDs.
      You will find a lot of resources to help you through this journey. I have been blessed with their ministry and have personally met Charlyn who’s marriage was restored after divorce.
      Please take a moment to check them out.

      • Thank you Maria, I have been standing for 5 months now and it’s been so hard for me, I’m not divorced yet, but my husband is living with another woman, very heartbreaking. Im a bit confused about being intimate with him, I’m praying for God guidance and I keep having dreams that are negative about him not loving me, not wanting intimacy, always just staying with the other woman. I believe in Gods power, but things look and feel terrible, right now. God is good and I know he will strengthen me.

      • My heart goes out to you. In the past two years I have been through seperation, divorce and remarriage by my husband. Only God’s grace and love have kept me going. He has been my rock and strength through this journey and has not left my side even for a moment. I can’t describe the pain I was in when my husband told me he wanted a divorce and when we seperated there were days when i just begged God to let me die. But God met at my weakest he rescued me from my pain he started to heal me to take the pain away. Last year has been spent with Him alone reading His Word and my relationship with Him has blossomed he is my everything he has provided my needs He’s the Only One that was able to turn my lament into dancing. He had prepared me for when he first spoke to me regarding marrige He told me it didn’t matter wether my husband seperated, wether he divorced me or wetrger he remarried (which he has done recently) He would one day restore my marrige I did not need to know when, just to trust Him.
        And I do I believe what he says in His Word the only thing that ends a marriage is death. So even though my husband has chosen to disobey God and remarry in God’s eyes he’s still my busband for he is alive. So I will continue to wait on God. It’s not always easy but I can testify they when it seems like we can’t go on God is always there to help us get through.
        I will keep you in my prayers and may God comfort you and surround you with His peace.
        Blessing
        Maria

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