295 comments on “If God Hates Divorce, Then Why Doesn’t He Restore My Marriage?

  1. Thank you so much for this – I needed to hear this today! I found myself getting angry with God for allowing this suffering while I wait…my husband is still with the Other Woman after 18 months and I don’t understand why God hasn’t destroyed their relationship yet.

    But God HAS been providing for me all this time – financially at least. However, I’m lonely – physically. I miss my husband. It’s so painful knowing he’s with her.

    I so want to be entirely happy in God’s love but I’m not. Not entirely. Why? How can He satisfy my physical need for my husband? Why do I still feel so abandoned and betrayed?

    • I am in the same saturation I hear and under said your hurt. Pray that GOd would hedge your husband with thorns . Heavenly Father I ask you in the name do Jesus and through is blood to build a hedge of thorns around my husband I pray that through this hedge any other lover wil lose interest and depart I base this pray on your word which commands that what you have joined together let not man put asunder ..I would like you to keep me in your pray and I would be praying for you also

    • Do you have an update on this? My husband and I are living apart and he’s trying to have me sign the final divorce papers. He also has another woman 😦 I’m struggling with holding faith.

    • I feel your frustration and can only imagine how you must feel. I believe that God doesn’t except you to wait around for your husband. He made the choice to leave you behind. God can only help those who want to helped. God can send you another husband that will love you the way you deserved to be loved. I had to realize myself that waiting around and attempting to get my ex wife back was a good idea. But like at some point you begin to understand that God can send someone that will love you no matter what.

  2. Dear Gill,

    I’m so sorry to see that you’re going through this. Here are my thoughts…

    You said: “I found myself getting angry with God for allowing this suffering while I wait…”

    This is a “normal” human reaction because we know that God has the ability to change things or act in judgment towards someone. And we, being sinful humans, want that judgment to come now. We also want justice, understandably, because we have been wronged. But God didn’t cause this thing to happen. At the core of every crime, sickness and disease, infidelity etc. lies Satan. He is the one you should be mad at because he seeks to destroy us and our relationships. Why doesn’t God act? If He exercised judgment and gave us all what we deserved the moment we first sinned, then there would be no one to populate the earth. Think about that. His judgment is sometimes delayed because of His love for us. He wants to give us a chance to repent and be reconciled to Him. He knows we have a propensity to sin and He understands this so in His love and mercy for us, he may wait. But He is also a God of justice and every sin must be dealt with so if you’re husband doesn’t repent during this lifetime, then unfortunately he will have to pay for it for all eternity.

    And in the meantime, you must make sure you remain in right standing with the Father. Do not sin and take revenge. Do not cheat on him or divorce. Hold up your end of the marriage covenant and seek the Lord daily. He will comfort you and wipe your tears away and replace them with joy if you earnestly seek Him in prayer and bible reading. Any trial a believer goes through should be seen as an opportunity to trust Him and obey Him. This is a chance to be strengthened in the Lord and to draw closer to Him. And if you continue to do this, you will start to realize the terrible situation your husband is in. When someone is in rebellion to the Lord, their relationship it cut off with Him. His prayers aren’t being heard. If the Lord decides to send tragedy his way, then your husband has no one to turn to. He will truly be alone with no one to intercede for him.

    Why aren’t you truly happy in God’s love? In my opinion, it’s because you want God to handle this situation your way and break up their relationship which is understandable. But have you considered that your solution may not be what God wants? That maybe He has other plans and removed your husband for a reason? Do you trust God enough to remain faithful to Him and also trust Him to accomplish His will whatever that might be? His ways are not our ways remember. Submit yourself to God completely and trust Him act according to His good will and purpose. And if you have trouble doing this, then pray about it. Ask that your will conform to His will and to change your heart and He WILL do it. He will give you such a peace and joy that you’ll be able to withstand anything Satan throws at you. And when you reach this point, the desires of the flesh will not be prominent in your life. You will be more concerned with the spiritual (which is eternal) and not the physical (which will pass away).

    I was going to list some verses for you but I already did this in another post. Please take the time to read it because I think you need to hear this. In the meantime, if you want to talk about this further, please go to the Contact page and send me an email. This is a delicate matter and much more needs to be said but using a public forum, such as this blog, is not the best way to do it.


    • I agree with most of what you have said, but finishing the article I could not help but be angered at this ‘spiritual manipulation.’ What bothers me more is that you tell the people going through the pain of divorce to stay and work at it through separation even.
      Carol have you even been through the ‘stuff’ these people have been through?
      Marriage is clear that God hates divorce, but have you considered the REASON Yeshua came on this earth? – To give the sinner a second chance at redemption. Divorcing your spouse for no reason is wrong yes and within those sexist times, husbands ‘put away’ their wives often. Please look at the entirety of the bible and the issues that were facing Jews.
      Guys, if you’re reading this, take the love message of this article, but its up to you to challenge (this black and white, no gray area part of this Article)
      Reading your comments here and it saddens me that example David has to wait till his wife has finished cheating and then he can live fulfilling again. Do you understand the emotions of these people, how its a struggle and you proclaim the ‘no gray areas and if you’re a good christian you’ll be happy. ‘
      Our God is a God of love and He understands your heart and your pain and your struggles. Yeshua(Jesus) came on this earth to give His last commandment – Love. He’s a God of second chances, agreed on spouse can not carelessly divorce (this was the trend in Jesus’ time) and he was adamant on this, please read and understand the Father, Yeshua and His character before you manipulate these poor souls on your refusal to see the gray area.
      I’ve known many christians cheated on, threatened by their spouse and the only way they recovered was from diving into God, ‘separating’ from them while God creates a path for them His way. Along may come a blessed partner that is destined for their second chance (why should this person pay what their spouse did to them) and they are married and live blessed lives, Helping, Loving other persons and their walk to Yeshua. This is religion (no gray area). Where is the RELATIONSHIP of Love ?

      • Hello Stacey,
        This is not about “second chances,” or what Yeshua did on the cross, nor is it about our happiness. This is about a covenant, an oath which can never be broken except in the case of death. What if God thought the same way as you stated and because Israel fornicated with her adulteries, He abandoned her? Some actually believe this which is why we have the faulty belief of Replacement Theology. While God stated He divorced Israel, Torah also states that she is not free to remarry except in the case of death and Yeshua died so that Israel could be reconciled to her Husband. It is the same with us. Our earthly marriages are a picture, even the reason why we have them, of our heavenly marriage. It’s about us and our happiness because if we are in Yah, then He is our happiness/joy. I did stipulate that if there’s a danger, that the person should not stick around. Not divorce, I mean physically leave the dangerous person and situation.

    • I do not agree to wait for someone hoping God will fix thgs. I prayed for my marriage, had two kids, and waited for God against the odds to fix stuff. That never happened instead my husband divorced me wo just cause and is with someone else today. I was alone the whole marriage I don’t even know what being married is like. I gave birth to my kids alone. Now I am by myself my kids are grown and I do not see a reason to get hitched at this late great date. I feel like a fool waiting all that time for God to fix stuff. He never brought us together again. It was stupid to expect it. I can’t trust anything now! I don’t know if He would protect me, it ruined my happiness and hope in Him. I feel like it was all a cruel joke. I know this sounds bad, but is the truth.

      • Unfortunately God does whatever he is pleased to do. Even the most tribulated Job has got a good wife. But we people unjustly condemned and ridiculed by our life partners, finally ends up with divorce, are more wounded than Job. It is not easy to forget our old partner’s face. But God wants us to go ahead and marry another one. Really weird! After divorce, I’m suffering to forget old partner till I marry a new one. God will definitely punish and teach those untruthful, hypocritical and ridiculing life partners (man or woman) by divorce and through other incidents, who may have purposely stood for the divorce to happen or stood stern against those circumstances God threw in to correct them. But those partners who suffered will definitely get a new life with their next marriage. God really sees we are broken. God may bring an old partner back, but this is very rare. How can God correct a partner through people or incidents if that partner is clever enough to escape from the situations which can make them humble and change their attitude and behavior? Many of these people worship God and cheat and betray even life partners like people with narcissistic personality disorder purposely. Who can bring these stubborn hypocrites back?

  3. I have been praying for my marriage to be restored for almost 8 years now. So many times over these years it appeared that my ex wife and I were going to get back together but, after a couple of months she would walk away again. Then within a couple of months be back. She left again 10 months ago and we hardly have any contact. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have been as patient as I possibly can. Every day when I wake up I do my best to hang on for just “one more day.” This is such a painful and emotional journey that the Lord has asked me to travel. But what are my choices? Try to meet someone else that’s divorced? Keep trying to grow closer to God? Become a priest? lol (kidding).
    I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss my wife just as much today as the 1st day she left almost 8 years ago. I often wonder why God seems to be rewarding her behavior and ignoring me. I know He’s out there but, I struggle with where He is in this situation. I know I have to keep my trust in God and remain faithful to God and to my wife but, no one seems to understand this and they think I’m crazy. It’s a very lonely trip.

    • Hello David,

      One of life’s greatest pleasures is to be in a loving marriage. For some people, this is a goal – something to be strived for and there’s nothing wrong with that. But with a believer in Yeshua it’s a little different. While a loving marriage is certainly good and something to look forward to, we should also know, as believers, that our spouse is not our ultimate source of happiness. It is Yahweh. As believers, we are here to serve Yahweh and emulate Yeshua, and one of the ways we do this is through marriage because we learn the lesson of putting someone higher than ourself – to love selflessly, like Yeshua did. Raising up children teaches us these same lessons but in a different way. It teaches us self-sacrifice, just like Yeshua did for us. In other words we are not here for ourselves, to ensure our happiness, but instead to serve God and others in spite of what goes on around us.

      The answer is NOT to meet someone else because that would be adultery. You are still in covenant with your wife. You remain faithful to her even if she is not. By the way, does this sound familiar to you? Were we not born children of wrath, turned way from God yet He continues to wait for us to turn to Him? He loves us more than we are capable of loving another and yet He is always faithful to us, ready to receive us when we repent. And Yeshua’s marriage to us, His bride, is a heavenly picture of our earthly marriage and so if we are to follow in Yeshua’s footsteps, then we must emulate Him in everything including our earthly marriage.

      When we realize that our TRUE source of happiness, contentment, and peace comes from Yahweh, then nothing on this earth will shatter that. We have to realize that everyone, being sinful human beings, will at some point let us down or cause us grief etc. so we shouldn’t be surprized by this. This is the consequence of sin in general. But we have a Father in heaven that does not change, who loves us and will always do good for us. Who will put us through trials to make us strong and cause us to cling to Him. He will never forsake us like people do. And this is one of the reasons why our focus should always be towards Him, to the One who loves us beyond measure.

      I’m not saying to flip a switch and ignore the hurt you’re feeling because if you have a heart, you cannot do that. But what I am saying is don’t let this cause you to be stagnant. Don’t be in this sort of ‘limbo’ waiting for your wife to make a firm decision. Instead, focus on the Lord who loves you dearly. He knows the problems you’re going through and knows the situation better than you do. So, instead of praying for your situation with your wife every morning, pray for your relationship with Him to be strengthened. Focus on drawing nearer to Him. Read your bible every day and pray often. He even says to ‘seek His face’ and when you do, He’ll take care of the rest.

      You said that God seems to be rewarding her behavior. It might look like that to us on the surface. But remember that He does not repay good for evil. His is not rewarding her for her actions because that goes against His character. I think He is showing her kindness and His grace so that she will turn to Him, and possibly you. You can’t see the work He is doing in her heart and so you have to trust Him. Not trust Him that He will bring her back to you, but trust that His will will be done and whatever that will is, is best for you even though it may not seem like it at the time. You have to be ready to accept anything but in the meantime, you stay focused on Him and remain faithful to Him. He’s not ignoring you. With this trial you’re going through, you have an awesome opportunity to glorify Him through your obedience and faithfulness! How can we glorify Him by doing what the world does, like getting a divorce or finding someone else? We cannot. We glorify Him by our obedience and faithfulness to Him, (and to our spouse even though they’re not in the picture) which is 180 degrees different from the world. When we walk in the Spirit instead of the flesh, we are showing that God’s Kingdom is within us. You basically have a little piece of Heaven with you when you follow and live according to His Heavenly Kingdom here on earth. And that’s a good place to be.

      If you want to talk privately, then email me from my Contact page. I’d be happy to talk further with you.

      • I think this is total insanity on your part to be telling people to wait for a unfaithful spouse
        you are not God that is your view on the bible. Its your take
        Jesus gave us his permission to divorce
        because of this very thing
        your telling a man after 8 years to keep suffering
        I can say from personal experience to you
        You are very broken and need to seek God and find the root of this obsession
        how do i know i have done the same thing my wife was my God not God
        but harsh treatment other men lies sex with other men leaving me
        god did not tell us to watch our spouse have sexual relations with other and sit and wait
        he said forgive them and reconcile if possible
        if possible
        TO LIVE IN PEACE he said let them leave I do agree our spouses are not to effect our relationship with God and or the way we act I stuggled with that myself

        Corinthians 7:15-16
        But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (NIV)

        Matthew 5:32
        But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (NIV)

        Matthew 19:9
        I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. (NIV)

        And please forgive me if i have offended you but I know this to be true in my heart and after living it

        God does not wish us to reward bad actions one of the worst is cheating on your spouse
        Go ahead and cheat over and over
        I will be here waiting for you this is the person Gods wants us to be
        No not even Jesus forced himself on people
        we can still love our spouse
        we can forgive even if they do not repent

        And yes if they repent we should forgive and reconcile i know that would please God

        But if my spouse leaves me for another man divorces me and living with another man
        God wants me to wait for her
        OK so she goes back to church with new man repents God forgives her for her sin
        I am still to suffer for her sin

        NO way that is a lie from hell

        God called us to peace brothers
        he loves us we are not to give anyone free pass to reek havoc on our lives we are to have Godly boundaries we are not to enable or promote sinful behavior
        we are to forgive regardless
        but God does not want us in that situation

      • you all keep telling people they are not allowed to divorce their wives…thats eternal hell! your all allowed to divorce a cheating spouse…and without sin as well as Jesus said so. so if your wife is playing the harlot then get rid of her. you can wait for your wife of course…but she loves satan more obviously, and if she came back she would cheat on you again with someone else after the lust has fled her, cause she hates God and seeks people who has satan in them. she seeks satan and you seek God. you need to ditch eve and Marry Mary. thats what God did and thats what you all should do…and best part your without sin doing so cause Jesus Christ said so and thats the truth. peace.

    • Hey I am going through the same feelings and wondering where God is as like you I know He is there somewhere in the shadows watching me. I hope you find peace and the joy that God has promised. Take care.

    • David and others I really feel your pain and have felt my own, however God requires us to bear our own crosses. He does not recognize divorce at all unless the husband finds his wife is unfaithful, and still He says because of the hardness of your heart.

    • I will be praying for you! I am in pretty much the same boat, and I truly identify with your pain. You sound as loyal as I am, and I know how heart-breaking it is!

    • I do not know if this log is still in effect….however, I am in this situation…it hurts. I have/and am seeking Godly counsel. I truly understand.

      I pray so deeply and then it seems my husband despises me even more. I am at a loss.

      I just want to say I truly understand…and I am heart-broken for you.
      I will pray for all of us trying to live up to our vows..

      • Hi Loriann,
        I understand how you feel and I will pray for you and others in the same boat. I’ve been divorced from my wife since March 2014 and every day it’s been a struggle because I still love her and have two beautiful teenage boys with her. She told me that she did not love me anymore and wanted a divorce on 23 December 2010. Through my experience in life when a spouse says that , best believe they have found someone else to take your place. Long story short move on with your life through Christ and let his will be done. No matter how often you pray there is no guarantee that your husband will return to the marriage but my God guarantees that he will comfort me in my times of sorrow and heartache. Again seek God and improve yourself mentally,physically, and spiritually. Continue to love your husband as God commands but don’t let him mistake your kindness as weakness. Sincerely,
        Still searching for true wisdom

    • Hello David, I heard prayers won’t go in vain. But I saw it went in my case though my ex she is not remarried yet. I think still you can expect her back if she is not married to another man. Some are adamant to listen until God himself put them into painful situations, which can’t be ignored.

  4. I having been praying for 4yrs to no avail I’ve heard what God has called me to but it’s hard and now theres an outside child involved and I really want to divorce him but I don’t want to miss God

    • Hello Destiny, You said that you’ve heard from God but it’s hard to do what He wants you to do. Remember that God won’t give you more than you can handle. If He tells you to do something, He will equip you. Everything that we go through, no matter how tough it is, is an opportunity to trust in Him and obey Him. It is only through testing and hard trials that we can know that our faith is real. Four years is a long time in our estimation but trust that God knows what He’s doing and that it’s for your own good. In my experience, when I wanted a quick answer to something, I found out that there was a reason why He had me wait on Him and that it truly was best that it took years for my prayer to be answered. I couldn’t see it at the time but looking back, it worked out better for me. And that’s what He’s doing for you – having you wait on His timing. But in the meantime, cling to Him always and don’t get out of His will. Trust Him and listen to Him. If you want to talk further, please go to the Contact page and send me an email. I’d be happy to talk with you.

      Blessings – Carol

    • Does he want a Divorce? If so, please get one. He has already left, you are not bound to your covenant agreement anymore. God has already called you to live in peace when he left. Satan is confusing you and making you feel mentally trapped. Jesus came to end our suffering and allow us to have life more abundantly. His blood forgives any sins. You are wasting your precious life on an unbeliever who already left. God says we stay only if the unbeliever is willing to stay. Your battle is over. The unbeliever has left. God is a God of second chances. Use what you’ve learned and next time you marry, do so with a believer in the the Body. Be sure you are equally yoked in Christ prior to marriage. Do not date any projects. If it is meant to be that you an me your husband get back together. That will happen before either of you remarry. You are free. Thank the Lord for second chances. Your suffering ended when he left. Don’t let the devil fool you into suffering any longer.

  5. Hi, Ive been praying also for GOd to restore my marriage…we were together for 6 years and married for two…we just got seperated 2 months ago and he already found another Women and he really likes her…his leaving behind 3 kids….and now he tells me that he wants to finalize the divorce…I pray and cry so much…Im so depressed..

      • I understand your pain Wendy and can relate with what you are going through.
        My experience is similar after 29 years (7 of which were separation) my husbands infidelity produced another child. He is determined to divorce. I am against this because God hates divorce.
        Stay faithful to God and your husband regardless of his actions and intentions.
        The pain will at times seem unbearable, but trust God and draw closer in prayer through his Son Jesus. Trust in Gods will for your marriage.

    • Dear Wendy, I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. This is what happens when people follow their flesh. Unfortunately, if your husband doesn’t repent, then he’ll have to answer for his actions. Try to see this from another perspective…your husband just sold an eternity with God for a brief time of lust. It’s never worth it. So while you are the one who is wronged now, try to think of the state of darkness he is in and how he’s not able to see the trap that he has ensnared himself in and then maybe you can see the pitiful state that he’s in spiritually. If you are a follower of Yeshua, then you have a Comforter, a Shield, a Protector but he has nothing. You will get past this and if it’s God’s will, then your marriage will be restored. If you want to talk further, please email me using the Contact form. Thanks for stopping by and God bless. 🙂

  6. Hi Carol, I pray everyday for restoration in my marriage and family. I have 3 children . Most of all i pray Gods divine will to be done in our lives. I ask God to give me the grace to accept things I cannot change. I have experienced, cancer, the breakdown in my marriage and job loss, the only thing I will always have is God And my Lord Yeshua. These trials bring me closer to God as I have to put my trust in him. The truth is I struggle everyday with the pain of rejection. I pray for God to speak to my husbands heart, and that he repents. even though I wish him to return I know that Gods will must be done, he wants the best for all of us. Even though I hate divorce, I am sure that no matter what happens my relationship with God will get stronger and that God will take care of us.

  7. I forgot to mention that I have been faithful to my husband during our marriage to include 7 years of separation. In total 29 yrs I intend to continue to be faithful to my husband and God for the rest of my life. So regardless of my husbands intentions to divorce me I will keep the faith.

    • My husband left in 2002 after 20 years of marriage and divorced me in 2005. When I realized what The Lord was telling me to do, submit to Him and wait, I was nearly devastated. But, over these last 11 years, even with much loneliness and heartbreak, I have been able to see that if my husband had come back it would have been torture. He is not a faithful man. I am still believing that he will hear The Lord and turn from his adultery, but The One I am really waiting for is The King.

  8. Finding this site proves to me that God is faithful, as I’ve I have literally read dozens of sites dealing with divorce, and this is the first one to offer me any hope of peace. I won’t bore you with my whole story, but my wife filed for divorce last week and has accused me of horrible things I did not do. However, what I am guilty of is not being the husband that God called me to be. I let serious trauma in my past get in the way of my relationship witrh Christ and my wife. My wife will not listen to the counsel of Godly women, and has already been posting on Facebook that God will bring her someone better than me (thank God she blocked me from her page so I’m not tempted to read those horrible things). The text of this site settles my restless soul because it confirms what my spirit has said during intense prayer. I will remain faithful to my wife until Jesus calls me home no matter what she does in her life. I will serve God in all I do and work hard to set an example for our 6 year old daughter. I’m under no illusions, however. I know the enemy will work hard against me, but God will honor his promises to me. Thank you so much for creating this site. I am broken and mourn, but through God’s grace and mercy I will rise again for God’s glory! I will also continue to pray for my wife and her soul. As Job said after his wife and kids died and he lost his wealth, “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes. Praise be the name of the Lord.”. Amen and Amen!

    • Dear Shannon, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this trial. But you have the right attitude in this situation and you know the right thing to do; keep your Covenant and praise God! I have a verse in Job too that I like to remind myself of when going through a trial – “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him…” Job 13:15

      If you want to talk further and/or get things off your chest, feel free to use the contact form. I’d be happy to talk to you. And if you’d rather speak with a male, then my husband would be happy to talk with you too. Take care and God bless! 🙂

    • Dear Shannon:
      I was touched as I read your story. I have been married 27 years. Seperated 23 years.
      Husband went to prison. I waited and visited for 20 straight years, believing God to
      change his heart. He came to the Lord and bible college in there. I was so happy
      thinking we are on same page now.

      He gets out comes back to this state, lies to me goes thru all programs.
      Then without telling me paroled home to live with his parents in a different State.

      I have had my heart broken over and over. I have lost my family, friends they
      think I am nuts to stay and wait for someone who did a terrible crime and then
      abandoned me.

      I have prayed for his soul salvation all these years and to turn back to the Lord.

      He has now filed for divorce he has now scriptural grounds. I want to give up
      many times, as seems so hopeless.

      I have a covenant in marriage and stayed faithful, to obey God. God,s grace was
      sufficient for me.

      I sometimes wonder whether God wants this marriage as we live in different
      states and are now strangers. He has cut off all phones and communications
      with me.

      Everyone says let him go the unbeliever it has been too long.
      But God says he is married to the backslider.

      I am happy to read other testimonies on this site. as I have felt so alone in my stand.

  9. Hi carol this made me feel some what better its been 2 and a half months since we’ve been seperated h e left behind me and the kid while hes having the time of his life going out w/friends and just moved in with another woman. I pray and ask that he can restore our marriage. I dont have access to a church and live with jehova whiteness and dont knoe if thats been hindering me.

    • Hello Liz, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. As you can see from the other comments, you are not alone. The Lord will help you get through this trying time – just remember to cling to Him. I’m more worried about you living with the Jehova Witnesses. These people are skilled (and are actually trained) in how to argue their views in order to get you to believe error. If it’s at all possible, try to find other living arrangements. It is very dangerous spiritually for you to be there. I’ll be praying for you.

    • Hello Liz,
      I agree with Carol about living with jehova witness is spiritually dangerous. I never been married so I cannot offer anything regarding your marriage however I once lived with a Jehovah witness. It was very strange spiritually. I saw things in the spirit that I never want to see again! If you have not left yet I hope you will make arrangements too and if you have left DON’T GO BACK!

  10. Hi Carol. I divorced my wife because I thought she didn’t love me. 6 months have past and I have found God and his teachings of marriage. Now I want her back. She has found a new boyfriend which she is living with already. She says she can’t forgive me and won’t marry me again.
    What am I to do? Should I try and keep in contact with her and wait for her to change her mind? or should I stop trying to make contact with her and just wait and pray? or should I give up on her because I have no chance anymore and also not date anyone either… so basically give up on ever having sex again? I know I did this to myself. Is there any hope for me? I want children. Will I never have any ever? Is it wrong for me to ask her back?

    • Hello Luke, Please read Deut 24:1-4. If your ex-wife has had sex with her new boyfriend, then you cannot take her back. As far as having children, it is my personal feeling, along with many others, that think situations such as yours are not as pressing as the one we’re all dealing with now, and that is the fulfilling of prophecy which leads to the soon return of Messiah. We should be thinking about preparing ourselves for His return rather than our own desires because all of these things will pass away. If you want to talk further, please us the Contact form. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

      • He can take her back. He divorced her without any cause so therefore neither He or his ex wife can remarry because they will be commuting adultery, if his wife had sex already with her boyfriend she committed adultery and the boyfriend committed adultery as well, because in God’s eyes even though they’re divorced they are still married that’s why it says. If I’m not mistaking he didn’t divorced his wife due to adultery therefore he caused his wife to commit adultery by divorcing her. Deuteronomy was written fir the Jews you can’t apply that to us. God will forgive his wife if she repents and if she repents she has to stop her sin which in this case is adultery and go back to her husband. In all the cases above all the spouse that left are in a relationship which means they’ve had sex with their partner and you’re telling them to wait on them to repent and come back and God will restore their marriage what’s different about Luke’s case. He recognized he did wrong by divorcing his wife and He did, but now he can pray for his wife to forgive him and come back to him.

      • The verses you brought up from Deuteronomy have been misunderstood. The first husband could not take the wife he put away back after she married someone else because that second marriage would have been adultery and the command was given to stone adulterers just a few verses before. We forgive adultery today. Please study to show thyself approved and rightly divide the Word.

      • Dear Carol:

        I am a little confused. On one hand you say that a married person should wait upon and reconcile with their unfaithful spouse, but then you turn right around and tell Luke that if his ex-wife has had sex with her new boyfriend, “…then you cannot take her back.” Perhaps it’s just me, but this sounds highly contradictory. Please advise.

      • His wife wasn’t unfaithful, he was. She is filing for divorce so until it goes through, I told him that his covenant still stands, which it does. The other case is completely different – that’s referring to the verse in Deut. – about being married, divorced, then remarrying the original person – that is not allowed.

      • If you want to apply that verse you would have to also follows the rest of the chapter.
        It goes back to the only thing that ends the Covenant marriage is death, nothing else not even unfaithfulness.
        Book of Hosea how many takes did his wife was unfaithful to him( having sex with other men) and God kept asking to take her back, to show that’s the kind of Love He has for us.

      • It says if ex remarries consulates that marriage then divorces, it would be an abomination, not just for I ages with another… However what he repents , she repents and God forgives them??? Also another question is if we can really only marry 1 person and we can not reconcile because of this instance or any other instance due to adultery or anything … That would also leave the world running low on procreation or are you saying if 1st marriages don’t work out the wicked sinners are the only ones that can procreate along with the 1st times married people???

  11. I have read Deut 24:1-4 and it does not say anything about the ex-wife having sex with her new boyfriend. It does say that if the ex-wife marries her new boyfriend and also divorces her new boyfriend, then only may the first husband not marry the ex-wife again.

    I see having children as a command from God and that all commands from Him form part of the “preparing ourselves for His return”.

    I also believe the words “one flesh” and the commands “cling”, “cleave” & “unite” relating to your “one flesh” that continues even after divorce.

    I will then under command of God go out and try my best to “cling”, “cleave” & “unite” to my wife, who I have legally divorced.

    • Luke – When your ex-wife chose to “have sex with her new boyfriend” (as you put it), she committed fornication (sex outside of marriage) and adultery (sex with a partner other than her spouse). If you were to remarry her, you would be guilty of the same sins and forfeit your place in the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Do you really want to do that?

      If you have legally divorced, then there is no longer “one flesh” to cling to, because YOU separated that flesh, against the command of YHWH. How can you then say that you want to keep that command, when you have already broken it by divorcing your wife?

      • Divorce does not end a person’s “one flesh” bond.
        “one flesh” is for life.

        A legal document called divorce by the state, from God’s point of view, does not break the marriage bond, else remarriage (with another person) would not be called adultery.

        Nothing can break the one flesh bond except for death.

      • yes it does say that in deuteronomy but that is the old covenant, now in the new testament it says To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. When Jesus came we are no longer under the law but live by the Word of God, even in the ot it was said by Moses it is only ny the hardness of your hearts divorce was permitted, Jesus said but from the beginning it was not so. So i know i want to do it the way it was in the Beginning because that is the way God wants it

      • His wife committed adultery not fornication. God was not the one that dissolved the marriage Luke did. They are still married in God’s eyes.

      • This is ridiculous. You are not a pastor with a degree in hermeneutics, yet you are spouting off nonsnese. Rightly divide the word instead of using OT passages that you know nothibng about. You are putting people in bondage here.

    • Luke please visit rejoiceministries.org where you will see that your view of the marriage covenant is 100% correct. God is very pleased with restoration of marriage, and He re-married us even though we had been unfaithful to Him by marrying other gods. Also read the book of Hosea regarding marriage and restoration.

    • Luke yes you should still honor your vows and if you have repented God can still restore your marriage. You only have two options and so does your wife, because you’re wife had to separate since you left her no choice , That’s God’s command in I Corinthians 7:10-11 both you and your wife. Remain un married or reconcile.
      Please keep praying for your wife and pleaser check out.

    • Hi Luke..

      Interesting that your name is is even biblical…you and I my friend are in the very similar situation…my wife and I got divorced over 8 years ago and now that I have become a passionate follower of Yeshhua i now understand that I was wrong…and I want my wife back….

      She hasn’t remarried and we have been trying but the trial has been plagued with ups and downs…more downs….we both had sex outside after we got divorced…we both compromised the covenant…

      Now…refer to Caro’ls advice on Deut..I don’t think most understand the reason why the old testament exist and why the was need a new testament….old contract and new contract…as matter of fact Heb refers to the new contract as a better contract….if you have accepted Yeshua as Lord, then you are under the contract…and contract of GRACE…you get what you don’t deserve…vs. the old contract where you get exactly what you deserve if you were a Jew….The old contract proved one that…that we are incapable of meeting God’s high standards….we needed more power….hence the reason for GRACE….hence the need for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit..hence hence the reason for God deciding to write his commandments on our hearts inside of tablets….The old testament were rules set by God to bring a specific set of people i.e. the Jews into relationship with him and for those who aren’t Jews and didn’t travel from Egypt…his high expectations and for us to really begin to understand why a savior and the blood sacrifice was necessary….

      So, what does all this mean….yes, you and I made mistakes….yes, both our wives had sex with other men…and if you are like me..may be you had sex with other women….but the beauty of GRACE is….all can change and their be full restoration….God still hates divorces and he’s still in the restoration of marriages business….What God did say to me when I asked though was…the pain of the restoration is mine….as distressing as that is…it is what it is….and i’m trying….there have been signs of better days….and I pray daily….restoration is yours and God still desires it….don’t give up…

      One thing that I take from Carol is this….use the waiting time to develop your trusting relationship with God the father….like you i think about her everyday…. I miss her dearly….

      Trust means that you don’t require and explanation…..God works on the heart…a place that you and i can’t see….

      I will add you to my prayer….I hope this helps…

  12. Dear Carol,

    We are a born again Christian family and were married for 32 years. We had many unresolved issues and over the years we tried to keep it together. We were busy in missions and striving to work on our relationship not matter what came our way. Until 1 day in 2012 after we planned an overseas break together my husband ‘snapped’ as he said and in 1 month he moved out of the bedroom went on holiday alone (took the OW) which was a huge shock for us all! and we were ripped apart -he moved out we and we tried to make up to no avail. The OW lurked there constantly until they finally decided that this is God’s will for them and that this is God giving them a second chance to love and a better life. I would like to have more clarity on God’s blessing on them as they are so excited for their wedding in May. He sent me an email to tell me that they getting married and that he prays that I will find what he has. Our adult children and grandchidren are devastated and all he says is this is his happiness. I have let it go and believe God forgives and forgave all and no matter how painful this terrible 14 months were, I am encouraged to stay focused on my Lord and His word. I trust they are truly as happy as they say. I want to release him authentically and not bear any grudges. He says he just wants peace, yet his whole family is so hurt. and they are so spiritual and bring God into all their plans – I’m praying and asking God if this is His will then show me Lord in your wisdom for me to close this off in Your Name. I had so much heartache and pain and taking Godly counsel for my restoration and speaking God’s word into my children – he wants them to attend the wedding. Not sure how my husband reasons. Please share your thoughts with me on this. Thank you for this site it is one of the most Godly inspired I’ve come across.
    Bless you

    • Dear Faithgrace,

      Thank you for your comment. I’m not sure what “OW” means but am I right in saying that your husband left you for someone else and is going to marry that person? If this is the situation, then God did not bring them together because he was already in covenant with you. I want you to realize that this was not God’s will and I can safely say that because we know how He feels about divorce and adultery. They are living in sin right now and unfortunately their relationship is severed with the Father. People often think that if they find a person that makes them “happy” that it is God’s will but if they break any of His laws, it is not His will. They are simply living according to their flesh. The “happiness” that they feel blinds them to the darkness that they’re really in and therein lies the deception. It’s actually very sad if you think about it. I mean here they are, thinking that God brought them together and they are happy. Meanwhile they have broken covenant with you and God and are feeding their flesh and drifting farther away from God and they don’t know it!

      I’m sorry for what you and your family are going through. While this is a trial for you, this is also an opportunity to forgive them, to pray for them and for their repentance, to cling to God and give Him your burdens, and let Him comfort you. You seem to be handling this biblically which is good and you will be blessed for it. Also pray that your flesh doesn’t get the better of you because there may be days where you’re thinking about it and get angry again. Don’t let that take hold. Don’t let bitterness take root in your heart. If this happens, turn your thoughts to the Lord immediately and pray. Think of this bad situation as a sacrifice – give it to God and let Him deal with it. Put it on that altar and don’t touch it. It is SO hard to do the right thing sometimes but ‘you can do all things in Christ.’ There is so much truth and power in that statement because He IS our power – not us. He enables us to get through these trials so trust in Him.

      If you want to talk further, please use the Contact form and I’d be happy to speak with you via email.
      Take care and God bless! 🙂

      • Hello, My husband of 10 years divorced me had a baby and married his mistress.He told me that he was so unhappy with me.We built the house together and she now lives in the home.I constantly pray for restored families ans marriages.The enemy is destroying families.Sometimes as believers we get depressed.I feel as though they are so happily in Love and He never risk or faught hard to make our marriage work.Now he has remarried he calls and ask for prayer .Want to talk now.I don’t understand …Please help

  13. My husband divorce me one year ago The Lord place on my heart to part for my marriage reconciling. But my ex is see thus woman and he is showing all this hate toward me. He started coming to my church And want to bring this woman with him. I still love him I am hurting and do not know how to handle this situation should I let him go or stand in God word that he hate divorce and what GOd join together let no man put asunder please help me And pray that GOd would soften my husband heart for me and restore is love for me

    • Hello Help,
      I’m sorry to hear about your situation and that you’re still hurting. The bible says:

      “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corin 7:15,16)

      Now in your case, since he divorced you a year ago, then the only thing you can do is to let him go. Accept the new situation that God has either placed you in or has allowed. Remember, God is in control of everything and so we should trust Him in all things. It may hurt for awhile but if you use this time to draw closer to God, then you will see that TRUE joy does not come from an outside source, such as your husband, but from a close relationship with God. So seek Him daily with prayer and meditate on His Word so that you can experience this joy that no man (or human being) can fulfill.

      Thanks for stopping by. God bless 🙂

  14. http://shalomrefuge.com/


    My beloved husband and I have been separated for 7 months and have recently began to make contact again. Please check these websites for tons of resources surrounding marriage restoration… I am finding that standing in God for a marriage is HARD WORK, but I am honestly seeing results and positive changes happening within him, our children and myself. Praying him back home now without spiritual change taking place will only land us right back in the same situation and I have experienced that time and time again. I’ve ultimately decided that I love my beloved husband with all my heart and want him back now and out of the company of another but am willing to wait on God’s timing so we can truly be HAPPY the next time around…and there will be a next time (God promises).

    I have begun to pray for the other woman in his life and am learning to love him unconditionally (after the 7 months it took for the Holy Spirit to work anger, bitterness and self-righteousness out of me). God has graciously forgiven me of countless sins and has continued to love me, so I’m learning to love/forgive my husband just as God has for me. My husband has even started to share things with me about the relationship with other woman. This was tough at first but I’d rather he be willing to talk to me than to her (which is very likely why he left in the first place) and it also equips me with the information I need to make my prayers a lot more precise.

    Faith without works is dead, so pray without ceasing, fast, declare, confess and believe for your marriage. Do all of these things in an effort not to waver or be double-minded and God will move in your life.

    James 1 – New Living Translation

    2Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.
    3For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
    4So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
    5If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.
    6But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.
    7Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.
    8Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.
    19Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
    20Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
    21So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.
    22But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.
    23For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror.
    24You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.
    25But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
    26If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.
    27Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

  15. Hi. My wife and I are both believers. However, I have struggled with verbal abuse and anger my whole life. She is an extremely passive individual, whereas I am extremely emotionally needy. When we would fight, I tend to yell or become verbally hostile, b/c she simply shuts down or won’t talk at all (she is what’s known as an “avoidant” personality type).
    She has been having an affair with another man for over one year. She filed for divorce in September.
    I have many faults, but I am on my face working to become a better person. My question:
    Why does it seem that God is answering and responding to her prayers, but not mine?

    • Hello Mike,

      I can’t give you a definite answer as to why God is answering her prayers but there are many possibilities.

      “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. Is 55:8

      We ALL sin and so none are innocent. So if God chooses to bless someone, whether they’re doing good or bad at the time, it really doesn’t matter because He will bless whom He will bless, and curse whom He will curse. It’s not like she’s being rewarded for any evil she’s doing. He’s simply choosing to bless her.

      That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. Matt 5:45

      It could also be that what she’s asking for, she actually needs. Or He could be blessing her in the hopes that she sees His hand working and repents. He is a merciful God. And this is assuming that He is the one blessing. Hasatan can also give you good things (that look like blessings) that are designed to ensnare you.

      ‘…in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. 2 Corin 2:11

      She could also be having a “prodigal son” moment in which case, the Holy Spirit will make her come to her senses and she’ll repent and return to you. If this is the case, there’s no telling how long this will last but she definitely needs prayer. I’ve seen God work in my life in this exact way. I’d drift away for whatever reason and all three times the Lord has guided me back to Him. And for those three times, I drifted for three months each. One of the times in particular was so scarey because He actually used someone, who was not ‘religious’ at all, to guide me back and the things that happened were so miraculous that I KNEW it was God working, which scared me. But that’s another topic.

      But as for you, in the meantime, live by this:

      “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Gal 5:22

      If you want to talk further via email, then use the Contact form and I’ll get back to you quickly.

      Thanks for stopping by and God bless! 🙂

  16. Pingback: Restoring Your Marriage Addendum | Boldly Proclaiming Christ

  17. my husband of 31yrs is living with a colleague of his for the past 4yrs. He served me with divorce papers and i did not want to sign it as i believe in my covenant with God. He kept phoning for the signed papers and i eventually conceded. I believe that God can still save this marriage, as we did not have marital problems, but financial problems was the carrot that got him into this manageress bed. He is living a li
    and God will save Mico i need the prayers of believers as i believe that witchcraft is involved. He is blinded by this woman and sees her as an angel. God is greater than any force please pray for Mico and i

  18. So true, if we remain faithful to God and cling to him, satan cannot move us. Remain faithful to God and the worldly things wont affect you. If your spouse is cheating on you and you are affected to a point of divorcing him then you become part of his sin. You are not guilty of anything and you have to be careful that his actions does not lead you into sin. God is the only one who gives true happiness, we cannot rely on another person to make us happy. First seek the kingdom of Heaven and evrything else will be granted to you! including a fullfiled marriage life. Amen!

  19. Would you please pray for my situation?

    A year ago my husband announced he was leaving–moving in with another woman. I’d had no idea he’d been cheating on me. The OW (other woman) divorced her husband. In September, after her divorce was final, my husband filed.

    The bad part is, our son has to go visit every other weekend and witness his father with another woman. He’s autistic and I understand he tells my husband that he needs to come home.

    However–my husband has been on the fence the whole time. He nearly came home in October. December, he was talking about coming home. In February he told me he meant his wedding vows (and I told him he needs to back up those words with action). In March, after our last conference heraing, he told me he hates divorce…and I said, well, then why are you doing this?

    His family does not approve of his actions. I am close friends with his sister and my son and I attend church with her, and I’ve been trying to get into soulwinning. My mother-in-law said that he told her that he prays a lot and wants to know what God wants him to do (um, hello!).

    I believe that the Holy Spirit is speaking to my husband. Please pray that my husband gets up the courage to leave this adulterous relationship. Please pray that the divorce does not go through. He had even mentioned to me about praying that the OW is out of the picture. I keep seeing this battle going on.

    I love my husband dearly despite what he’s doing. I would like for him to be saved (if he’s not) or come back to God…either way, have a relationship with God.

    • all things work together for them that love the Lord God would speak to him and restore your marriage

  20. I am in a very hopeless situation and do not know what else to do. My wife of 8.5 years divorced me in January. We have 3 beautiful kids together 8, 6 and 2. She left me for my friend (who i guess in hindsight was never a friend)

    We are both Christians, but along the way I stopped being the husband God wanted me to be and sadly to say I started serving myself. I was verbally abusive and had even slapped her once. I am so ashamed of myself.

    This friend she left me for about 2 years ago his wife cheated on him and we were all there for him and I even remember telling him that he was going to meet a great girl someday. It hurts to know that girl was my wife. She had also been helping him through his struggle and I didn’t think anything wrong with it, since I trusted her totally.

    I deployed to Guam and while I was over there my wife and I were skyping and sending facebook messages telling each other how much we missed one another and loved each other. Things were good and our marraige was on the right track for the first time in a long while.

    And then all of a sudden it happened. She told me that she was in love with him, hated me and that the kids will be happier. I returned home from my deployment early because I couldn’t handle it.

    I tried to get her to go to counseling with me to no avail and she told me that the love between us is not there anymore.

    Like most men do I did the wrong thing and begged and pleaded to her. Told her that our family will hurt more than she knows, that I love her so much and that God wants us to be together, we made a commitment to each other before God. She did not care and even told me that God has given her peace about it and says that God wants him and her to be together.

    It eneded in divorce back in January, we have 50/50 custody of the children, one week on and off. She now lives with this other guy and he finalized his divorce about a month ago.

    I have continued to work on myself and seek God’s word. I pray all the time, I have christian fellowship once a week. And I go to individual counseling. I take my children to church with me, she however has turned her back on God and doesn’t even take the children to church.

    Another sad thing is I am in the military, 12 years active duty and we are stationed in Alaska and her new man gets restationed in 11 months, which even before I returned from Guam they had already been talking about moving away together. I have 2.5 years left here and there is no guarantee that when I leave I will be stationed in the same place as them. The divorce was hard and still is. I love my wife and I love my children. I struggle with the fact that my children may end up growing up without me for the majority of their lifes. 50/50 custody is only in effect while in the same community. I will only get them in the summers if not.

    I pray and pray for God’s will to be my own. I pray God helps and protects my children, I pray His presence be restored in my wife’s heart, I pray for trials and tribulation in her new relationship and I pray for reconciliation and restoration of our marriage and family.

    God tells us to rejoice in all things and I have been trying to do that, but sometimes it is hard when. I know he chastizes us to draw us back to him. It is not my job to worry myself about how God is working in her life, but I don’t understand any of this. Does God really want her and him to be together? Does he really want our children to be raised by this other man who is not a christian but a diest?

    I feel very Overwhelmed and I miss my family and I know that I will always love my wife and I cannot love another woman again. When I vowed my love to her I meant it.

  21. Derrick, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. The whole thing is tragic. I have some thoughts on your situation but I’m thinking of writing a post on it – not sure. It won’t help anything now but it will prevent this from happening in the future.

  22. I have been with my husband for 24 years we have been married for 8 years. Before we got married my husband was a crack addict but God saved him and now he has been clean for 6 years. Since our marriage we have been separated several times this last itme it has been on and off for 4 years. We meet a couple at our church and became friends with them and I actually worked with her husband at the same company. In the time that they joined our church they got a divorce and we help this woman through her divorce and she became real close to my husband and I did not think much aout it at first and i did speak to them about what I was feeling, they said they understood and would stop. They have now had an affair and for the last four years it has been back and forth. I filed for divorce only because I wanted my husband to be happy and I was tried of the lies from both of them. the sad thngs is that she was our Assistant Pasdtor when this occured so it was very hard to attend church and I did not understand how this could have happened. We have been through many trias and test but I have tried to remain godly and I have tried to forgive but it is hard because it just continues. I tell my husband if he wants to be with her than be with her and leave me alone. I do not want a divorce because I do not believe in divorce. I have decided to never divorce because I love my husband but I know God told mne to walk away and it has been confirmed through different people and my spirit will not let me rest until I do. Things can go along good for a week or two but then I go back to I need to walk out of this relationship and let God work on both of us. We do love each other but this constant rollercoaster is too much. We have had many encounters and mishaps and we have had legal issues as well. I am just so confused because my husband says he wantys me and our marriage but he will not commuicating with this other woman. I try to understand that we all know God and how do they continue to go to church every Sunday but still do this terrible thing? I know God is not hearing their prayers but I continue to ask the Lord to save their souls. I have been praying for God to deliver me from unforgiveness, resentment, anger and hatred. I don”t understand this but I am trying to trust God and i have a real issue with trust. I am trying to be a good wife and I still treat my husband well but I do not trust him at all and he has given me no reason to trust him. I feel like he has done this thing but I continue to try and make up for it. he has apologized but it means nothing to me because he continues to do the same thing. Everyone tells me to divorce him and leave him alone and that he will regret it one day but i love my husband and I want our marriage to work. Pleas help me I am just lost right now .

  23. Marchelle and Derrick,
    I feel for both of you. A spouse leaving you for your best friend or a close friend is the saddest scenario when it comes to unfaithfulness. At least if the other person was a nameless, faceless person, it might be easier getting through each day but when it’s your best friend/close friend, that’s just devastating because you are doubly betrayed.

    “I feel a peace about this” is not biblical. We hear this a lot in the Christian church but it’s just not biblical. Peace is not something given out to someone like a gift. Yeshua (Jesus) IS our peace. So if we have Yeshua, then we HAVE peace. What happened with your wife is she ignored her conscience (thus the work of the Holy Spirit) and stifled Him completely. She has grieved the Spirit.

    Marchelle & Derrick, unfortunately, there’s nothing YOU can do because you can’t force someone to remain faithful to you. If they want to act wickedly by breaking their covenant with you and God, then it is out of your hands. No, things won’t go well for them like you said Marchelle – their prayers will not be heard, but that brings little comfort. We are told to Yeshua is our refuge in times of trouble and so we must continue to obey Him, and pray and read His Word. He is our Comforter in times like this so pray and Him to take away the anger and pain and anything else you’re feeling.

    My advice to you Marchelle – since he keeps wavering yet you know he’s still cheating on you, then let me propose this…..Tell him that you’re aware of this and he has lost your trust. Tell him that you won’t file for a divorce but since he broke covenant with you in favor of another woman, and because he has refused to be your covering (and all that that entails and if you don’t know what that is, then contact me via email and I’ll go into detail) then you are no longer bound to him. He has sent you away without making it official so he cannot claim any rights over you. That means that he can remain in the home, do his DUTY as a provider in paying the bills etc. but in NO WAY are you bound to give yourself physically to him. (meaning sex) He has violated that trust so re-consummating an empty trust is not love, but just sex – much like animals do. You can do your job in taking care of the home, food, etc. but at this point, you two are little more than roommates. He can’t have his cake and eat it too and you cannot break covenant with him and he’s playing around with you and his promise to you and so you must put your foot down in another way.

    If one or the both of you moves out, that will put a financial strain most likely on you, if he is the bread-winner. So rather than separate physically, make him uphold his financial responsibility, without the loving kindness that comes with a wife. He has to know there are consequences to his actions. He thinks that as long as he doesn’t have to give you an answer, or if he keeps denying it, then nothing will change. But things have ALREADY changed for you but he’s not thinking about that now. So make him think about it.

    • Carol,

      Thank you so much for your advice. You are so right I have no trust in him even when he is in my sight and did tell him that. He thinks that this behavior is okay and he continues to blame everyone but himself even God. He says he asks God why he put him in this situation or even tested him with this situation. I tried to explain to him that God tests us all but in testing He gives us a way out. I told him before he did this God gave him a way of escape and he did not listen. I know I have to separate because I have no peace and I feel just so unhappy. I am so insecure about myself and I use to have so much confidence in myself. I have literally given all of me to my husband and marriage and now I am trying to find me. I do thank you for the advice and it is just confirming all that God has told me. I have literally made my husband and this marriage my God and I know that is wrong and I am going to change this because I know that God is my real source of happiness and fulfillment. I have to make my heart do what is right and I think it is just that I have been with him so long that it comfortable even though I am miserable. I have to work on me and love and value me as a person and know that this is not what God intended for me. Please do email me because I could not see how to email you about the covering part you were talking about.

  24. Marchelle I really understand your pain right now and it is most days unbearable. I pray for you.

    Carol, Thank you for your encouraging words and for listening. You are right your words do not make me feel any better but I do appreciate them. Only a relationship with Christ that is all encompassing can take away our sorrow.

    I would however like some more insight from you as I do respect your view. What I am trying to get past right now is that if my ex wife’s and ex best friend’s relationship work out in the long run then my kids will move away from me in May 2014.

    I believe in God’s holy word and that he will not affect free will. He only tries to guide his children. If they do continue to live in sin then does it mean that her and him our meant to be and are our children meant to be raised by him, being an unbeliever, a diest, than their own father? This really tears me apart.

    It does not make any sense that this has happened, I know it has drawn me closer to Christ and I have learned so much of myself and have continued to better myself through counseling and reconnection with Christ. I know that my children love me and I love them so much. I know that if her and I were to reconcile that our relationship would be so much stronger.

    All of these things seem as though I have learned in vain. Like I said earlier I will always love my ex wife and no woman on this earth will ever be able to feel the void she has left in my heart. I feel as though the lessons are in vain, because I will never love again. And even if I was to, it hurts know that if my ex came back to me to try again that I would definitely try and work things out and go back with her, only leaving the other in the same pain I am in now. I cannot put another through that same pain.

    Am I meant to be alone because it seems like that is the only option I have. It hurts seeing 8.5 years married, 9.5 years together, 3 awesome children, so many memories. So many dreams crushed because of her choice to divorce me, because of her choice to be with him. It makes me wonder, did she ever really love me or is he so great that his love overshadowed mine and that they are meant to work out.

    Maybe she never wanted me back through this because she thought it was pathetic that I would forgive her for the unthinkable and that in her mind a man should not do that. I still hope for us to be reconciled and our family restored. I pray for this literally 1,000 times a day.

    I feel as though I being the one that has come closer to Christ and that our marriage was tested and that I passed the test being for forgiveness and working through things and her being the one who failed and not only giving into temptation but choosing it full time that I am the only one suffering.

    I do not know what is going to happen, but I pray for our children. Her and I see each other almost everyday and as long as we only keep the discussion about our kids we can remain friendly, but if anything else come up she goes on the warpath, which is why I started hiding my pain from her and keep the topic on the kids. I continue to praise their mother in front of them and when she is not around and I never mention the other man.

    I just don’t understand, will I ever be complete knowing that our children might be without me 70% of the year. I am going to miss out on their childhood. Please pray for them, me, my ex and this other man that he may wake up and realize what he and her have done and continue to do is wrong. How could he put me and my children through the pain that he not so long ago went through himself.

  25. Derrick,

    It is never God’s will that a marriage and family break up. (with a few exceptions which this doesn’t qualify) You’re right, God does guide us. He gives us instruction in His Word but we humans have the option to follow it or not. God’s will doesn’t suddenly change because WE change our minds. God doesn’t change remember? And He cannot go against His character so He will never force someone to obey Him and do the right thing because He wants our TRUE love and obedience, not forced love and obedience.

    And if they move away, this isn’t a reflection on God at all. What you’re witnessing here is the power and influence of Satan over your wife. By listening to her flesh and feeding in to her desires, she has not only invited Satan into her life, but has given him legal license to rule her life.

    You wont’ hear this in a Christian church but I’m going to tell you what’s going on from a Hebrew perspective….

    First – God is our covering, our protection, our refuge etc. But this is based on our oath or covenant with Him. When the Israelites at Mt. Sinai said “we hear and we will obey,” that was a public oath, a marriage vow between them (God’s bride) and God. When we come to Christ, we too take an oath by declaring Him our King, Ruler, and Messiah. We too agree to obey Him. Remember, ‘whoever confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father.’ Matt 10:32 (paraphrased) That is our oath, our commitment, our marriage vow. Now…getting to my point….

    Since she broke her oath with not only you, but with God, she is no longer under His covering, His protection, His anything. She is a rebel basically. She is open to all kinds of demonic influence and will remain in bondage unless she does t’shuva or repents. This is never God’s will but technically, God has NO LEGAL RIGHT to do anything unless she cries out for help. He will not and cannot get her out of her mess WHICH SHE HAS CHOSEN. An oath is legally binding. While God remains sovereign in all things, He will not override a heavenly legal system which He instituted.

    Think of all the times when Israel sinned and how they had to go outside of the camp. Going outside of the camp is not God rejecting them. Since they CHOSE to live outside of His statues, then THEY HAVE REMOVED THEMSELVES from the assembly. Light and darkness cannot mix and so the darkness must be removed, which is why they were expelled. It’s quite possible that the same thing has happened here with you. Light and darkness cannot mix and so the one in darkness leaves.

    This is something a lot of people don’t get….God is not going to keep a marriage together if one or both parties break covenant with each other or Him, even though He instituted marriage. Our earthly marriage is just a way to communicate with us about a bigger picture and that is our marriage to the Father. It’s never really about us and our happiness. It’s all about Him and our relationship with Him. We are here to serve God, not ourselves. We breath in order to serve God with our very lives, not see to our own happiness which will pass away along with everything else in the world.

    There is so much to say on this subject. I’ve only touched the surface because I don’t want to overload you. Let this sink in because this sort of thing is not commonly taught in church.

  26. This is an interesting thread. It tears my heart to read of so many families breaking apart, so much heartache. My wife left me in September of last year and refuses to speak to me or our kids (they are not her biological kids, but she has been in their lives since they were 2 and 6; they are now 14 and 18). She just snapped and said she was not coming home anymore, that she still loves me, but that she needs to find herself. She cut off everyone we know as a couple and has started a new life at a different church. She filed for divorce in April and we are headed for an absolute divorce in September, if God does not step in. But He will step in. Our marriage will be restored.

    Here are a few things that the Lord has shown me over the past months. 1) it is never God’s will that marriages breakup; 2) there is no such thing as a bad marriage. God instituted marriage and everything God makes is “good”. People are bad and it is the people in the marriage that make marriage bad, difficult, unbearable, etc. God needs to fix the people, not marriage. People are broken, marriage is beautiful. 3) free will must be taken with a grain of salt. Free will is simply the freedom to make decisions. However, there are so many variables that influence our decision-making process that our free will really boils down to the influences in our life. 4) God’s will trumps man’s will. Proverbs states it clearly, man has his plans, but God’s will overrides man’s plans. Time and time again we read how God stepped in and literally took the will of man away. He will not force us to love Him as any parent will not force their child to love him/her, but He will override our decisions when He finds it appropriate. For example, He did not allow Balaam to curse Israel and “made” Balaam speak the words God wanted him to speak. One biblical version clearly quotes Balaam; “I had every intention of cursing Israel, but when I opened my mouth, only the words the Lord wanted me to speak came out.” Again, the Lord caused Nebuchanezzar to eat grass for seven years until he realized that the Lord was the Lord God of all and proclaimed Him as such. Even in 2 Tim. 2:26 we read that Satan can ensnare people and make them do HIS will, not their own. So man’s free will—-not really. Even people can influence our “free will” and make us decide what they want us to do. 5) God can save any marriage if the person prays and truly believes. Marriages are not restored because people do not BELIEVE that they will be. In the book of James, God says, if you doubt, don’t even bother praying–it won’t be answered. Through the pain, it is hard to believe, but if you do not believe, you are walking through the wilderness for longer than you need to. Israel wondered in the wilderness for 40 years because of their constant complaining and disbelief. If you believe that God can bring your spouse to his/her senses then right then your spouse will come home. God can do anything. Period. He is God. There are no stipulations, rules, or guidelines for God. But do you believe that? Satan will allow you to see and hear all manner of evil simply to get you to doubt because he knows when you doubt your prayers are hindered. So do whatever you need to do to believe that God is answering your prayer and watch how quickly the mountain is cast into the sea.

    I have reached the point where I believe that God is working on my wife’s heart and that she will be coming home any day now—any minute in fact. We cannot tell people to be happy in the Lord while their spouse is sleeping with someone else. That is unreasonable. God did not tell Jesus to be happy while His people were rejecting Him. Jesus wept. He cried and agonized over His people. He sweat blood. It is painful for your own flesh to reject you. But the battle is already won. God wants you to believe in Him. Once you get to the point of believing, He will move. Or—someone else may pray and believe for you and your spouse will come running. Other than that, God is waiting on you. “Oh, what needless pain we bare.”

    Hang in there, Everyone. God sees your pain. He is hurting more than you are. Believe that He will do what He said He will do. PLEASE do not doubt. Your doubts will cripple you.

    • You’re comment really uplifted me. I’m struggling so much since my husband walked out 6 months ago. Sometimes I think the pain might actually kill me.
      I’m interested to hear if your situation has changed. And if so, do you have any additional insight for someone still walking through the fire, so to speak?

    • thank you somuch. wow,wow,wow! i believe my marriage will be restored,matthew will come back to me. please i want you to have faith and agree with me.

    • Believer – What happened? Was your marriage restored? I love the testimonies of people standing for their marriages, as mine has faulted and my wife wants a divorce. According to the lawyers it is quite mean, and there is no regard for the two children and they have also been deceived and are being used to cause hurt. I think it would be very beneficial to hear testimonies of lost causes that were restored. Hearing that people are turning to God is good, and to seek His face….but what good is that if Love/God never prevails?

    • Wow, this lit up my spirit with faith! This is the truth!!! My husband and I have been married for 11 years and we had a lot of role reversal in our marriage. For starters, he wanted per his words, “at least 9 children” when we were just talking as friends and would constantly talk about how much he loved kids, wanted kids right away and on and on about kids, kids and more kids! It went right over my head (maybe God caused this to happen at the time because it was ultimately meant to be?!) and I never thought that there might be some dysfunction with his obsessive desire for endless kids even before he really knew “me” as a person and later his wife. We waited until marriage to have sex, but I was not a virgin like him and already had a 2 y/o with my ex. My Husband gladly adopted both my nephew and my daughter and then he wanted to have more kids right away.

      I wanted to make him happy, but I wasn’t excited about it because I wanted to get to know HIM a little and actually have a “marriage” first, but all he ever thought about was kids, kids, kids! He also had severe sexual issues that came from his childhood and also porn (I would find out later). He literally feared sex like a fickle woman and he would blame me for “lusting” after him too much if I wanted sex more than once every month “maybe.” It made me feel unwanted, dirty and so ugly, so I went from being a beautiful fit confident woman to a fat, ugly, unkempt slob because there was nothing worse than the way he made me feel at the time by the continual sexual and intimate rejection.

      It’s a wonder we even had two more children, but I digress. He always refused to go to counseling from day one even though I begged him countless times. I realize now through all this minus a few times I was always fighting in my Flesh, not in the Spirit! This revelation has changed in me and this is something for the better for sure!

      He moved out last month and Satan has deceived him into thinking that “it would be better if we’re just friends” and that he sincerely loves me as “his sister in Christ” and only “wants me to ‘unselfishly’ find happiness with someone who can truly make me happy” even though there are 4 children involved!

      Yeah, ALL LIES straight from Satan’s mouth if I’ve ever heard one! We have been in a sexless passionless marriage (his choice) since basically the very beginning of our marriage and was secretly addicted to gay porn until I found out in 2008. I also sinned and struggled with an emotional affair with my ex in 2011 due to the spousal neglect and later a one time physical encounter (that God actually used to slap me upside the head and cause me to REPENT and also get over my sociopathic ex once and for all and I will say with confidence that I would NEVER cheat again EVER-it’s a horrible gross sin that I regret to this day), but even though my husband admitted he was not willing (he was extremely controlling and withheld all affection to “control and punish me”) or able to meet my needs he let my affair destroy him and even though he forgave Me, he says now he’s not sure if he can ever feel the same about me and he needs to know he “can divorce me” if he wants to so he can set me “free!” I strongly feel we were both unfaithful to each other in different ways, but he believes I was truly the only one who was unfaithful to him and the years of secret gay porn addiction didn’t count even though it was the catalyst for our dysfunctional intimacy problems from day one at the very least.

      Here’s the thing though; although this has been the most painful thing I have EVER endured, through a new found strengthened faith in God, I firmly believe our marriage was out of order since the very beginning and God has used all this to SHATTER THE OLD to BRING IN THE NEW! We couldn’t keep going like that and God said “that’s it,” there has to be a complete overhaul here and He knew He alone was the only ONE that could do it perfectly! My husband doesn’t even know it yet, but God has GOT THIS MARRIAGE! Satan is NOT GOING TO WIN if I have something to say about it! Also, God has used this time to bring me to the true focus of what marriage should be.. Christ and Kingdom Minded/Centered! I also believe God is in the process of overhauling my husband’s heart and showing him also that his priorities were completely out of whack in regards to always putting kids first before everything and making them his idol (God had showed me that I had worshipped my husband and my husband had worshipped the children, which is idolatry on both sides).

      I have repented and God is already opening doors and changing my heart! I believe we are ultimately going to be a testimony to so many people for God’s glory amen! Just praying God keeps sending people to speak TRUTH AND LIFE into my husband and myself!

  27. Please pray my wife will forgive me I cheated on her and I know I am sorry for it and I have asked god to forgive me. Now I know he will open her hart and speak to her. Staten got a hold of me really bad . I repent all my sins and I know god is going to bring her back one day. I pray every day and night asking god to for give me.and open her Hart up. He gave me the best woman in the world a godly woman that got me in to reading the bible I never even opened one before I got with her then santen came out of know where and got me keep telling me there was something better out there for me.

  28. Now I don’t think I am worthy of gods forgiveness. I know I will be judged by him. I have read all of JOb now nd it is helping me. Just started on Mathew I want to show her I can be a godly husband to her if she will give me chance if any can help in prayer that god will speak to her hart if god can forgive she should also forgive I love her so much but god is first now in my life and will always be. I tied to change but every time Staten would get in my head and I would make excuses not to go to bible study and not read or pray and I know god is real

    • Hello George, I’m sorry about the situation you and your wife are in. If you repent, which it looks like you have, then the Lord will forgive you. Unfortunately you still have to reap the consequences. It’s up to your wife now. Give her some time to heal and pray for her as well because I’m sure she’s hurting more than you can understand.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  29. Will you pray for her also I know god is my father and just like we do with are are kids we punish them for doing wrong and I know my father is punishing me for doing wrong and I am so sorry. I hope I am still worthy

  30. I know god is real I go to the church parking lot every night and pray he will open Brenda Warner’s hart and speak to her. I hate Staten so much I never want to sin again and play with god. I know I want to be worthy of being in his kingdom and I want that with my wife and and spend it in paradise. I know the end is near we are living in the last days. I never loved some one so much and now I know I should of loved god first I tried and every time I would open my bible and read the next day Staten would temp me with something I was weak . I didn’t even know how to look up stuff in the bible and I was 40 years old we would go to church and I would get so upset because I couldn’t keep up but she showed me how and I would get excited and when I walked out the door Staten was there waiting. Please pray for us

  31. The bible says that a husband should treat his wife in the same way Jesus treated his disciples. He who loves his wife loves himself , for no man ever hated his own flesh, but he feeds and cherishes it, as Christ also does the congregation. Ephesians 5:23 25_29

    • Yes, and Jesus and His bride, (us), is a picture and example of how a marriage is done. We are to remain faithful to Him, just like we are to remain faithful to our earthly spouses. We are to forgive just as He forgives us etc.

  32. My husband is been with other woman since a few years i was not aware.
    On the 14 of this month he informed that our 16 year marriage was just a paper and we only have a bond blood referring to my 12 year old daughter.
    I was shock because this is my husband the one i was suppose to die with.
    Few days later he send me a picture of a newborn baby girl, informing me they had a baby.
    He asked me to keep hidden from my daughter because she is not ready to know and when she will be older she will understand.
    I am completely devastated and in pane .
    He is going to Romania with this woman and the baby , I believe she is romanian, and he does not want to have an holiday with us.
    I was honest with my daughter and I have told her the true, she is in pane and sad.
    However she wants to keep a secret waiting till the day he tells her.
    He says that he will provide for us and he will not take anything from our daughter to give to his new child.
    I have been praying many times a day, my hope is with Jesus and our almighty god.
    Please pray for me and give me your advise
    Thank you

  33. My wife is a serial cheater, pathological liar and abandoned me 2 years ago to live with another man. She has made this affair public and holds papers over my head to threaten me with. I finally filed and am waiting for the court date. So you’re saying that I should cancel my divorce and go on accepting this abuse?

    • No, she broke covenant and has already left you. This verse is quoted somewhere within the comments, I believe – something to the effect of ‘if a nonbeliever wants to leave, then let them’ and this is what happened.

      I’m sorry that you’re going through this. She is obviously acting according to her flesh and her lustful desires. “Love” doesn’t factor into it even though she might think so. If you are a believer, the best thing you can do is to cling to God and seek His face. The Lord will deal with her as it won’t be pretty if she doesn’t repent. But as for you, you keep being righteous in His sight and let Him comfort you. And if you want to talk further, click the Contact link in the menu and we can talk via email. Blessings 🙂

  34. My husband and I have been married for two and a half years. My husband has never been able to commit to anything other than his book that he wrote which took him 13 years to do. My husband has blamed me for being manipulative and verbally abusive. I am totally to blame for being manipulative, I chose to control my free spirited husband and thought that if I could just bend him he would change and become more stable. I threatened divorce allot in arguments to get him to realize how lonely and sad I was. It blew up in my face and now he wants to divorce me. I am heart broken I have pathetic boundaries and I over stepped his boundaries. My husband went to see a lawyer last week Friday and now I feel hopeless. I cannot bring myself to file for divorce, as I still desperately want to save my marriage and to save our love. He was my best friend. My question is, can I ask God to heal my marriage is it ok for me to ask God hand to intervene and open my husband heart to want to save the marriage. I am so lonely and feeling desperate I don’t know what I can do to save my marriage.

  35. I forgot to say that neither of us have cheated we are culprits of emotional abuse. I have begun counseling with a counselor from the church and we are focusing on my healing. My husband has chosen divorce as he feels lost and lonely and scared. He feels that at the age of 37 he needs to find himself and believes that getting a divorce and moving to China to teach English is the answer.
    I feel worse everyday and just dont know what els I can do. He wont take my calls and answers my emails with anger. I moved cities to be with family and now feel like its my fault that we are here.

  36. Hello Kim,
    Yes, you can definitely ask God to help restore your marriage! And as for you, my suggestion is to give him some space and stop writing letters and let God work. After awhile of fervent prayer on your part, and some time, then write him short notes and admit to things that are you fault – like what you admitted here. Come clean with him and be honest. Can you go to China with him?

  37. He doesnt want me to go
    He says he needs to find himself again and wants to be free with no atachments.
    I did write him a letter admitting all my faults in the marriage and he just used it against me.
    I am giving him space now. I am just feerful that he will rush ahead and get the divorce papers.
    In South Africa only one party needs to file for divorce and then ten days later you re divorced its quite scary.
    I have asked people t pry fr my marriage but they keep saying that I need to be prapared for the worste and then their prayer changes to one for me and my healing.

    • Kim. You need to let go and let God do the work. Use the time to focus on yourself and draw closer to God and Hid Word. When my husband and I seperated it was the most painful experience I’ve ever lived I can not describe the pain and lonliness I felt.
      But it was on those darkest moments that I was able to experience God’s unfailing love for me, He became my strength, my Rock my provider my All I
      learned how to depend on Him fir everything. God showed me that he will restore my marriage, but that it will he at his timing not mine. I thought that it meant that He would not allowed divorce to happened, but He did my divorce was finalized 2 months ago.
      But I’m still trusting in his promises I’ve waited for almost a year and a half, but God has given me the peace and assurance to keep waiting on Him.
      I’ve used the time I’ve been alone to grow closer to God, to serve Him and serve others. There are still hard days but God has helped to take one day at a time, He always encourages me to keep going when I feel like I can’t go on. If you’re husband has made up his mind there’s nothing you can do, but God can, just let Him do the work on your husband. You just pray for your husband everyday and leave him on God’s hands.

  38. Hi Carol…

    I was once married and we got divorced. My ex-wife and I are now reconciling and have been at it for well over four years with many ups and many more downs….but I have stuck to the restoration process…I believe it’s what God wants me to do…
    My question is…how is sex viewed in this regard…that is between two people who were married, got divorced and now are reconciling?

    • If there is sex involved during this reconciling period (where you’re not married) then it’s sex outside of marriage or fornication. Where there is no covenant involved, God sees as an act of the flesh.

      Back to something mentioned previously, while I do believe that grace is more apparent in the New Covenant, that doesn’t mean the Old Covenants laws were abolished. The New Covenant breaths life (Ruach) into the Old Covenant, making it possible to obey because we are no longer bound to sin. So in my understanding, for right now anyway, I still believe that once you are divorced, have sex with someone else, then you cannot remarry the first person because that is considered adultery. God does not change and since He IS the Word, then it doesn’t change either.Rather the old laws are built upon.

      • My wife left 4 years ago and divorced me 2 1/2 years ago. I prayed for restoration the whole time. Now she has a boyfriend with whom she is having sex. I willing to wait and forgive anything if it was God’s will. If restoration of our marriage is no longer possible, am I free to re-marry eventually?

  39. The question is…if the covenant is broken then why does God state that if the woman or man remarries they are committing adultery in the new covenant….? it must be that the old one was never annulled…if sex takes place with the woman or man after the divorce, then neither person can go back or move forward…for the rest of their lives they are to remain single??….if it is that you are saying then you have made repentance null and void…you have GRACE have no effect…you have love null and void….
    How can that….my reading of the bible suggest otherwise…GRACE exist for these very situation….you can invoke the LAW to judge someone who’s under GRACE….We are not under the LAW but GRACE….while you can use the LAW to point out where we have fallen short…but GRACE ultimately determines the outcome…that is through LOVE….as YEshua said, LOVE fulfills the requirement of the LAW….that’s he pointed to DAVID eating the show bread when they were hungry…in David heart wasn’t about violating the Jewish practice…he was moving LOVE of his men who were hungry….Hosea was asked to marry a prostitute….
    There an abundance of evidence that tells that if the love that drives a decision is pure and true to God, and one moves with a heart that seeks God’s purpose….all is well….
    I believe it is wrong to use the LAW to dictate an action exception that action is stating that you should run to Yeshua…seek his counsel…seek his forgiveness and then let the Holy Spirit direct your path..

    Looking forward to your thoughts.

    • Under the first Covenant, if you broke the law, there was swift and severe judgment. There was no Holy Spirit. People was doing what they were told with no help from the Spirit. (please read my latest post on Legalism)

      Under the New Covenant, we have mercy, forgiveness (when we repent), grace (and there was grace in the OT btw) we have the Holy Spirit, the law written on our hearts (not abolished). Basically, now we have the “law” WITH the Holy Spirit which enables us to want to obey them, to have a relationship with God. We are no longer going through the motions devoid of the Spirit.

      But if we know AHEAD of time that something is a sin, and we sin anyway relying on grace, then we are guilty of willful sin or rebellion.

      This belief of the ‘law done away with’ because we are ‘under grace’ is a false teaching. Much is misunderstood in this area and what ‘legalism’ means. Please read this short post I wrote on legalism because it applies to this law and grace issue. https://boldlyproclaimingchrist.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/so-you-think-you-know-what-legalism-is-2/

    • If someone divorces and remarries the Bible says they are in adultery. Why? Because in God’s eyes they are still married that’s why, so they are having sex with someone that is not their spouse. So the right thing to do is to go back to their covenant spouse. How can you say that they can’t? Yes if they repent God will forgive them, but repenting means forsaking the sin you’re in, in this case adultery.
      Bible is very clear about that.
      You can not say that you’ve repented and continue sinning, having sex with other than you’re spouse, because again God says if anyone divorces his wife and remarries He commits adultery, because he will be having sex with someone who is not their spouse, that is not a marriage in God’d eyes that’s just a human way of legalizing their adulterous relationship, if God considered that a marriage in his eyes He would not say that they’re committing adultery!
      Silent Flute with no doubt God wants you and your wife to restore your marriage, my question is if you know that’s God’s will for you why have you and your wife not remarried, yes in God’s eyes you never stopped being husband and wife, but I think the right thing to do us to remarry.
      Now I recommend that you paray to God with your question and let Him be the one you give you the answer, believe me he will. I had the same question even though my husband has not returned yet, I believe He can return any day and I want to be prapared.
      please visit
      and go to their bookstore, look for the CD “Sex and the Stander”
      Even though I already knew the answer to my question, that teaching just reaffirmed it.
      God bless

  40. Hi Maria..

    Thanks for your insight…

    I have every intention on remarrying…I’m still praying for her heart….she’s troubled and has reservations….we’re not living together, but we have been trying to reconcile…I have been praying for the changes that is her heart as well as mine in preparation to receive her when she’s fully ready….
    I have prayed and asked the question…..i’m still not quite sure if i have the answer..

    My prayer remains that God helps with the reconciliation process as he’s the only one that can change hearts and renews the mind….I was once as drawn away from the whole idea of reconciliation….and through the process of time….God change my heart and mind towards her and I realized where I went wrong and have been trying to make amends for where I went wrong…I have expressed that to her and she has acknowledged it and spoken of the change and also expressed this is what wanted and expected from me….but her heart hasn’t changed enough for marriage to be the next option….
    I remain in prayer and seeking the counsel of the Holy Spirit.

    • I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. And yes the Holy Spirit is the One who can give you the answers.
      My heart was also hardened at the beginning and did not want to take responsibility, but God showed me the areas where I had failed in my marriage
      and in my Christian walk, He then restored the love fir my husband and I’ve been waiting in his perfect timing to bring him home.
      It’s been a year and a half with many ups and downs, but God has been faithful and I’m using this time to grow in the Word and serve God and others.
      I hope you visit the website that I recommended it has been of a gray help to me.
      Do not lose faith and God will move your wife’s heart towards marriage at His appointed time.
      God Bless You

  41. Just a update god restored my marrage i prayed every day.. then i told god you know what is right you know how my hart is i stopped asking him to bring her back because thats what i wanted. then i started asking god what he wanted and i just asked him to open her hart up and hope he keeps her safe and draws her closer to him. Two months went by and two weeks ago we are working it out. I did wrong i cheated with my eyes on her. i asked god to for give me of my sins and asked him to have her forgive… i love god so much and i want every one to know his real all you have to do is open your hart to him all he wants is you to ask for him to come in..

  42. MY husband wont get help he is running away from himself. He has distanced himself from me. I had to leave the same city as him and moved back in with my parents. He is being abusive and controlling my heart is holding on for a miracle but he wont see that he needs help. He was in a car accident and has brain damage so he cant handle stress at all. He is refusing to see that he ways are wrong and that he need help. He is pushing for divorce and has pushed his family away from him. I dont know what to do. When is it okay to give up and go the divorce way. It is something I dont want to do but I am also aware that if he doesnt change or acknowledge that he needs help then there is nothing I can do

  43. My wife had an affair after 8 years of marriage, we have a little girl who was 2 and half years old at the time. She was having the affair at least 6 months prior to our separation, she lied not only to me but to all our family.we have been separated for two years she is not giving up her relationship with the other man. I divorced her after two years and now we have been divorced for about 6 months. I have not been with any woman since our separation, it has been a a time of reflection and hard times, my relationship with Jesus has been the best I have ver experienced in all my life. I have come out this situation and I believe that I am ready to meet someone. Your right I am also finding that
    every time I think about dating other women I find that my spirit feel uneasy in me. She has moved in with the other man what do I ! I have a supportive family and lots of great friends. I am a little torn but I am heading to scripture and prayer for God to direct me.

  44. Thomas 1168 is right, I also think this only leads to frustration and in a way it sends a message to the offender that this kind of behavior will be tolerated. Don’t wait! Get on with life! Jesus said you can divorce due to sexual immorality. This article only encourages abused people to hold onto those sexually immoral husbands and wives.

  45. Thanks for writing this article. I am praying for everyone, please pray my strength to endure as well thank you.

  46. I would like some advise my husband is a muslim and I am Christian.
    I did not know was a sin to marry an unbeliever and i have been asking for the forgiveness of our almighty god and Jesus.
    My daughter is Christian and have been baptised.
    However my husband is now with another woman and i have been praying for the restoration of my marriage.
    But lately I have been doubting of asking to bring him back, because since my daughter is older he wants her to be a muslim.
    I have been dwelling between saving my marriage and the negativity of anti Christ influence of my husband religion in my daughter life.
    Since Muslims deny the crucification and resurrection of Jesus.
    I an tired and drain off.
    Lately I have stopped praying for my marriage and for him to know Jesus as his lord and saviour because i don’t feel I can live with an unbeliever any longer.
    Any comments …. Thank you

  47. I am confused. MY husband Philen Naidu has filed for divorce and is being horrid about it. I cannot get hold of him at all over the phone or email. how do i stay faithful when the divorce goes through am i supposed to wait forever i am running out of faith and strength the pain doesn’t get any easier

  48. Keep praying God will give you the strength to keep going.
    I’ve been waiting over a year I know God is faithful and know He will reunite me with my husband, but it has to be at His timing not mine.
    I encourage you to use this time to grow in your relationship with God, He needs to be number one in your life. You need to make sure that wanting your marriage restored does not become your idol. You need to desire God more than your marriage. Focus on living for God and He will take care of the rest.

  49. Prayer is so desperately needed for my marriage. We have been seperated for 3 months. He has offered for me to come home but still sending mixed messages. I pray for restoration. Its hard and I’m getting tired. So is he. We have 2 kids both under 5.

  50. I am so desperate my husband Philen has turned on me and is sending me awful messages saying that after he divorces me he wants nothing to do with me. We argued but there was no affair or anything sinister. I try calling me regularly but I don’t know what els I can do to show him that its just me. I feel empty and just want to close my eyes and not wake up.

  51. I have been divorced for one year now and it’s still hard for me to understand just what happened. I was married to the praise and worship leader of our church. I work got the government dealing with environmental issues and I discovered that the pastor was taking illegal shortcuts when he was installing a sewer treatment plant for the church. I brought this matter to his attention and he denied any wrong doing. He then used his influence on my wife to convince her that I was a trouble maker and was trying to damage his ministry. He sent word home by my wife for me to find another church that could teach me what church authority was. Several days later my wife came home and said that because I was being rebellious to the pastor that we would need to separate. Three weeks later she contacted me and said she was going to divorce me. I took the information I knew and turned it over to the state officials that regulate environmental discharges. They found the same things that I found but because he was pastor of the biggest church in town and because a government engineer was involved in the coverup they allowed him to correct his mistakes under the cover of the construction on a new gym that was quickly built. No one in the church except those closest to the pastor knew anything was going on. He used his pulpit to critize me and make me out to be any enemy to his church. My wife remained loyal to him and followed through with the divorce with the blessing of her church and her pastor. She did step down from leading the praise and worship until the divorce was final but is now back leading the worship as if nothing ever happened.

    • Wow Raymond!!! That’s a heck of a story!!! This has Satan’s hoof prints all over it! What happened is your pastor is NOT a man of God. When you opposed him, he lead a campaign to destroy you and your marriage. Who else “destroys” but the “Destroyer?” Your ex-wife, being of weak mind, lacking discernment and biblical knowledge, believing gossip and false testimony, followed her flesh and the ungodly pastor. Everything they did was NOT according to the bible and the divorce wasn’t either.

      In situations like this, you want to truth to be told. You want to tell the congregants what’s REALLY going on but….know that God knows and you are already vindicated to Him. He will take care of your ex and the pastor in His own timing. Just rest in the knowledge that you did the right thing. If you want to talk further, email me using the Contact tab.

      • Thanks Carol. Of course because of time and space I didn’t tell the whole story. I did try to just be one of them and support my wife. I sat on the front row of this church for six years and listened to sermons that wanted to make me throw up. Him teaching on intergridy and honesty and me knowing all along that he was doing things for his own financial gain. Just one example. He built three new sanctuaries in 8 years all on the same grounds way before the existing church was at capacity. He convinced the church we had to stay ahead of the growth. What the church didn’t know was that after each project he paid himself a huge fee and called it a contractors fee since he was the contractor. The second church cost 700000.00 to build and I found out he paid himself 70000 contractor fee. The third church cost over 3million so I would expect his fee was in the 300 thousand dollar range. I just couldn’t sit quite any more so I confronted him and told him what I knew. I knew too much so he had to get me away from there, which he did. It’s been two years since I first confronted him a year of separation and a year after being divorced and the pain on rejection and abandonment is still as fresh as the day it happened. I was very popular in my church circle and had many friends and with the exception of two friends everyone else has turned their backs on me. So now I am mostly all alone and spend most of my time seeking asweres from God. The church continues to grow and prosper and I wait on The Lord.

      • You might not agree with but I believe that if Yeshua came to divide, that this is a case where the darkness and light have been divided. You’ve been around a hireling pastor who’s been doing evil and so he’s not fulfilling the requirements of a good shepherd. Your ex – well there’s a whole lot more that’s wrong in that situation that I can’t get into here. I’ll just say that I believe it is God’s will that you are divided. People are under the impression that ALL marriages are blessed and supported by God but this just isn’t so because we know of some of the prohibitions. He says darkness and light and have nothing in common and if that’s the case, then you were unequally yoked. The believer is never to initiate the divorce process but your ex did and so you’re in the clear. You are to let her go like the apostle Paul says. You just keep following the Lord and doing the right thing.

  52. Hi my heart is still broken, my husband and I have been separated for over 10 years but I still love him and ask God to restore our marriage and break these chains. He seems to have moved on but I can’t. HELP

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  56. I have struggled with this topic so much. My ex-husband and were both unfaithful to each other, and the he denounced Christ 5 years into our marriage. I am in a relationship with a man now who loves God and we do amazing things for the church together, serving our community and working every day on gratefulness and obedience. I think I would be content with this if my ex-husband didn’t bring up reconciliation. I know that if I wanted to we could work towards that and we have two boys under 8 years old. If I do that though, I’m leaving a man who loves God for a man who thinks my God is a farce, who has a short fuse and who either spoke to and treated me harshly during our marriage or just ignored me and has a pornography addiction that he thinks is ok…

    Why would God want me to go back to that? I never wanted my family to be split apart, that’s why it’s still a consideration, but what kind of example am I setting for the kids if we do reconcile and he just treats me the same as he always did before, is neglectful and harsh to the boys because he knows I’m there to take care of them belittles my love for God around the children and ultimately they are more at risk at a chance of stumbling upon pornography…

    I feel like he’s a better father when I’m not there because he actually has to do the work. He gets tired of the children after 4 nights with them and wants to go back to just being by himself. Everything screams stay divorced besides my confusion over God’s Word on this subject.

    I will append that we have a very nice friendship now and do family time in small doses with the boys and it’s these great times together that make me wonder if it could all be different.

    • You have two choices either reconcile with your husband or remain unmarried.
      It’s tough but God’s word is very clear on that subject. You and your husband are bound to each other until one of you dies. If you choose not to reconcile with your husband that’s your choice, but you will have to remain unmarried and bound to your husband while he’s alive.
      Like I said it’s hard, but not impossible I have been seperated from my husband for two years and divorced one.
      God showed me what my options were and even though I struggled to obey then at first I knew obeying God will bring me more joy and peace that being an a relationship that goes against God’s commandments.
      I’ve carried myself as astride woman, and God has been my All during this time I love serving Him and that’s given me such joy. I know that while my husband is alive there will always be a possibility for reconciliation, and when that day comes I will accept it.
      Pray for God to guide you He is the only one that can change your husband. If you think your children and you are in danger with your husband than just pray that God will do a mighty work on Him, and show you when is the right time for you to seek reconciliation.
      But again you are married in God’s eyes for the only thing that ends a marriage is death, nothing else not even unfaithfulness.
      Will be praying that you seek God and not men for answers He will guide you.

      • Blessings to you too Carol.
        I’m glad God spoke to me to search His Word for answers, as I was also on the wrong path at the beginning of my seperation, due to me listening to men instead of searching the Scriptures myself and let God guide me.
        God does not contradict Himself we just try to twist the Scriptures when it’s hard to accept what it says.
        Blessings and may you continue to share with others.

      • Dear Maria:

        Christ Yeshua specifically said, in Matthew 19:9, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

        It is clear the Son of God allows for divorce and remarriage in the case of marital infidelity. To negate what He says is to ignore the Son of God, who is the WORD of God.

        I appreciate your position on marriage and I believe far too many couples seek divorces that are unBiblical, but when one’s spouse has been unfaithful to one’s vows, it is acceptable in the eyes of the Son of God to divorce and remarry (if one so chooses), just as long as it is…”in the Lord.”

        In His service – C.J. Sledgehammer

      • Where does the bible say they can remarry if the spouse is still alive? Maria was not ignoring that verse – divorce is permissible in cases of infidelity but not remarriage if the spouse is still alive.

      • And I’m not ignoring any verses if you read all that speak about marriage, you will not find that remarriage while your spouse leaves it’s not permitted.
        God even warns a third party ( Luke 16:18) not to marry a divorced woman, because if he does he will be committing adultery!
        Why because even though she’s divorced she’s still bound to her husband while he lives.
        So Go is very clear he does not leave any room for confusion. The one who divorces and remarries commits adultery, if the one who that person divorced remarries commits adultery and whoever marries a divorced person commits adultery.
        I’m not ignoring God’s Word, it will be easier for me to remarry than willing to reconcile to my husband or staying single. I could justify it by saying that almost everyone believes it’s right, but God has shown me the truth and I will rather obey Him and His Word then listen to men’s opinions.

    • This is a reply to Jackie, but I would also like to address Carol (the author) as well. As much as I greatly admire and appreciate Carol’s convictions, I feel that Scripture gives a bit more liberty in regards to your particular situation. First, 2 Corinthians 6:14 states that we as Christians should “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” It is clear that your ex-husband was an unbeliever. And what does Scripture say about the Christian married to the non-Christian? “But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15) The key Greek word here is δεδούλωται which means “under bondage” or “enslaved.” Scripture clearly states that if the unbelieving spouse divorces the believer, the believer is no longer under the bondage of the marriage covenant. This is NOT “until death do you part.”

      Furthermore, we see in 1 Corinthians 6:9 that those who fornicate and commit adultery will not inherit the Kingdom of God. In fact, it says that all of the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Who of us is righteous in the eyes of God without the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ? Read on to verse 11 and see “Some of you were once like that (unrighteous, fornicators, adulterers, etc.) But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made righteous with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:11). The Scripture is clear that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9). So how then can we go on being condemned for our unrighteous actions if this is true?

      From what I see in the New Testament, marriage is a God-centered monogamous life-long union. If we take out the God-centered part, what foundation do we have to stand on? I can’t imagine that The Lord would condemn two monogamous committed believers in a God-centered marriage just because one or both members were divorced from an unbeliever. Let us not forget that God Himself said “it is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18). If reconciliation is not possible, than where does it say that forced celibacy is the only option? Let us not forget that celibacy is a Spiritual Gift, not something to be forced. Not everyone has the Spiritual Gift of celibacy. Only some are called to celibacy, and in this comes a strong conviction, but it is not required for all. Paul writes, “But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” (1 Corinthians 7:7-9). So it is better to get married than to be single if you burn in lust. If one is forced to be celibate, they may be causing themselves to sin by their fixation on longing in unrequited affection. Now I can imagine that Carol may focus on the “unmarried” aspect of the verse and consider remarriage void from this… However, the Greek word ἀγάμοις means: “unmarried, of a person not in a state of wedlock, whether he or she has formerly been married or not.” (THAYER’S GREEK LEXICON, 2011). Note that this verse distinguishes between the widow (who has been married and their spouse has died) and the unmarried (the person who has either never been married, or formerly married to a spouse who has NOT died.) If it were only addressing those who have never been married, Paul would have used the word παρθένος which means “virgin.” (Note that Paul distinguishes the difference between the unmarried [ἀγάμοις] and the virgin [παρθένος] in 1 Corinthians 7:34.)

      Going back up to 1 Corinthians 7:15, it is clear that you (Jackie) are not in a state of wedlock because you are excused from the bondage of the marriage covenant due to your ex-husband being an unbeliever… So I believe that Scripture does not prohibit remarriage in your case. Furthermore, we must remember that we are only made righteous by the blood of Jesus Christ who was sacrificed once for the forgiveness of all sins. We are only made perfect in the eyes of God through the grace of His forgiveness, not by our own acts. Remember that “we are no longer under The Law, but under grace” (Romans 6:14). When we live under The Law, we risk putting faith into our own works, but it is only by grace that we are saved. Any thoughts?

      • Hello Moanti,

        Here is what I believe regarding your response. I definitely agree with the fact that if a non-believing spouse insists on leaving, you should let them go. And I know that the Bible discusses the circumstances in which divorce is permitted.

        But here is what gets me every time, no matter what my husband has done or continues to do, and regardless of me having the “right” to divorce him or not….

        On our wedding day I made a vow to my husband and to the Lord. I did. I promised God and my husband that I would love and cherish my husband for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE.

        I absolutely hear what you are saying. But I KNOW the promise I spoke on my wedding day! It’s not that I’ve never liked the thought of “moving on with my life”, because I have entertained it, sadly. But God keeps bringing me back to the promise I made. I did enter into a covenant with my husband. And I don’t believe anything BUT death will break that covenant.

        And no, it is not a perfect beautiful picture of Christ and the church, like marriage is supposed to be, when a spouse is gone and/or pursuing their own desires.

        But when I think of the call to be like Christ, to die to myself daily, and to love unconditionally (1 Corinthians 13), I cannot help but come to the conclusion that the Lord would have me stand for my marriage as a display of HIS love, and for the soul and eternal destiny of my husband. Because this life isn’t about me.

        I would love to hear your response on this! Thank you for what you wrote!

  57. If you read carefully it gives the option to divorce, but not to remarry.
    It still says what all the other scriptures say if you marry someone else you committ adultery.
    It does not say. ( I tell you that if anyone divorces his wife and marries another except for the cause of fornication), the clause applies to divorce not remarriage.
    Remarriage while your spouse is alive is Adultery it’s as clear as it can be and it’s written in God’s Word.

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  59. OMG ! the whole thing is very confusing though enlightening. i separated from my husband almost three yrs ago due to series oh unfaithfulness last of which i busted him with a next door neighbor, irresponsibility and neglect,and many more. i am born again and have been ever since, he also claimed the same yet he stopped even going to church many months before separation. as if not enough, there was alot of psychological and verbal abuse from him that almost ran me into depression. ever since i have struggling with issues ranging from forgiveness, bitterness, hate but which have caused me draw near to God everyday. As a result, i have been seeing these dreams that suggest that all isnt lost after all and sincerely,though he seems to have moved on(i see him with the (ow) in Facebook), i am able to even pray for him everyday for God to build him a hedge of thorns like hosea’s case.

    my question is, its him who has been unfaithful and not remorseful, illtreated me and right now with the other woman, does God want me to reconcile with this man after abandoning me and our son 4yrs old all this?
    if i pray for him and God brings him back will he change of will just come and continue in his wickedness?
    how will i erase these memories esp of the verbal abuse from my mind and start to love again?
    what do i need to do that will embrace him back if ever?
    any prayer support i can get for our side?coz i feel alone, sometimes i am not able even to pray.

    • Hello mamake abdi,
      I just read this article and wanted to comment on it, and then I also read your comment.

      First, thank you so much Carol for this post. I LOVE when people proclaim the truth about marriages, because this world, and even so much of the church, is blinded to it!!

      mamake abdi, I just want to encourage you, because I’m in a similar situation…Not exactly, but parts of our stories are similar. When you ask if God would want you to reconcile with your husband, who is a sinner, first look at yourself. Does God reconcile with you when YOU sin? YES! Every time! It is so important for you to recognize your own sin and be broken over it! Only then can you truly appreciate what Jesus has done for you, and then be willing to extend that same mercy, grace, and forgiveness to your husband.

      God can use any situation to bring him back. But God has perfect timing. A lot of times, God will not bring our husbands back unless we are in the place He wants us. You need to allow God to work on you first. He can get you to the point where you can welcome your husband home with open arms, unconditional love, and celebration, just like the father welcomed back his prodigal son! Most likely, your husband will come home with lots of brokenness and baggage. Are you willing to be a safe place for him? Will you bandage your husbands wounds and pray for him to be healed and freed from the enemy’s grips? Or will you be judgmental and condemning towards him?

      The Lord WILL erase the bad memories. At first it is very difficult. At first it seems almost impossible to get the bad thoughts out of your mind. But that’s why it is SO important to memorize God’s Word, and to meditate on it. You need to be able to fight off the devil’s attacks on your mind with God’s truth. He tells us to rejoice in Him ALWAYS. He tells us to fix our thoughts on that which is pure, right true, noble, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. He tells us that He will keep us in perfect peace if our thoughts are fixed on HIM.

      Please be encouraged. You are not alone! Do not give up! I have some amazing resources posted on my blog for people standing for their marriages. Check out Rejoice Marriage Ministries. They have offered me so much encouragement and poured truth into my life about what marriage is in God’s eyes and the attitude I need to have as I stand for my marriage.

      • Thank you Joyfulstander for your reply. Hopefully the other commenters will be back and read what you wrote. 🙂 Blessings! 🙂

      • joyful stander. Your words encouraged me, the only thing is we did not celebrate him when he came home. He went home to his family where they celebrated him. To live with parents. Then he divorced me.

  60. I divorced my husband a year ago, but we still share a house cause of financial reasons….he has a hindu girlfriend and I’m regretting divorcing him since I have been studying Gods word…I should of prayed for him and been more submitting and forgiving…but I rebelled and got a divorce…..
    Is it possible God will restore us…we have 2 beautiful kids and I was emotionally abused by him and part physical….I blame myself cause I was not a easy wife and want my family back…

  61. Why isn’t anyone leaving any testimonies of restored marriages and how doing what Carol advises according to the word of God has bared fruit for at least 1 person, all I read is I’ve been waiting for 8 years, etc….. But not one restored marraige.

    • I was looking for a page with testimonies or restored marriages too.
      But just because there’s not one that does not mean that there aren’t any.
      I’ve found so many on YouTube.

      Also please check rejoicemarriageministries.org
      they have a lot of testimonies of restored marriages on their website as well as in CDs.
      You will find a lot of resources to help you through this journey. I have been blessed with their ministry and have personally met Charlyn who’s marriage was restored after divorce.
      Please take a moment to check them out.

      • Thank you Maria, I have been standing for 5 months now and it’s been so hard for me, I’m not divorced yet, but my husband is living with another woman, very heartbreaking. Im a bit confused about being intimate with him, I’m praying for God guidance and I keep having dreams that are negative about him not loving me, not wanting intimacy, always just staying with the other woman. I believe in Gods power, but things look and feel terrible, right now. God is good and I know he will strengthen me.

      • My heart goes out to you. In the past two years I have been through seperation, divorce and remarriage by my husband. Only God’s grace and love have kept me going. He has been my rock and strength through this journey and has not left my side even for a moment. I can’t describe the pain I was in when my husband told me he wanted a divorce and when we seperated there were days when i just begged God to let me die. But God met at my weakest he rescued me from my pain he started to heal me to take the pain away. Last year has been spent with Him alone reading His Word and my relationship with Him has blossomed he is my everything he has provided my needs He’s the Only One that was able to turn my lament into dancing. He had prepared me for when he first spoke to me regarding marrige He told me it didn’t matter wether my husband seperated, wether he divorced me or wetrger he remarried (which he has done recently) He would one day restore my marrige I did not need to know when, just to trust Him.
        And I do I believe what he says in His Word the only thing that ends a marriage is death. So even though my husband has chosen to disobey God and remarry in God’s eyes he’s still my busband for he is alive. So I will continue to wait on God. It’s not always easy but I can testify they when it seems like we can’t go on God is always there to help us get through.
        I will keep you in my prayers and may God comfort you and surround you with His peace.

    • Perhaps what she advises is right but it comes at the price of potentially having a very lonely, loveless, affection-less, single parent life. How so many have done this I have no clue. I go into crying & depression every time I think about my future. Been separated 16 months, 3 kids, early 30’s. Please tell me how one can have a happy fulfilling life like this? I dot want to be backslid, but its like God makes it almost impossible to serve him. Please advise.

  62. In your article, you wrote:
    “You are to hold up your end of the contract so that you may be found righteous in His sight.”
    “we will all be judged on what we do”

    This sounds very much like a works-gospel, trying to do what is right so that we will be found righteous. Yet that will never happen. When God looks on us, he sees Christ, who is righteous, not us who are not not righteous. There is no-one righteous, not even one. There is nothing we can do that will result in us being found righteous, except trusting in Jesus alone, to be our righteousness for us. Doing something so that we “may be found righteous in his sight” is not the gospel. You will always fail if you rely on achieving that. And if you even try, you will be trusting in your own righteousness, not his.

    • There is a difference between a “works-gospel” and being obedient. People who are not saved, and who do not have the Holy Spirit, are doing works in order to obtain salvation. However, being obedient comes as a RESULT of ALREADY being saved and having the Holy Spirit.

      • Thank you for bringing up obedience.
        I get asked a lot why are you not moving on with your life? why are don’t you remarry, why are you doing this?
        And it comes down to obedience. I choose to obey God instead of listening to what others say or to what I want.
        I’m not doing it so I God can reward me, or to earn my way to heaven. I’m doing it in obedience to God.
        Do I feel like moving on at times? I would lie if I said I didn’t, but I choose to deny my flesh desires, and do what God wants me to do, I choose to do His will, not mine

    • We are not saved by works because not one righteous, let no one think.that God is perfect and knows that we will boast and be filled with pride, and Jesus blood would have been in vain. But faith without works is dead and we have to work out our salvation with trembling and great, take up or cross daily and gaff engraved in our minds where it very cleary states who will not enter the kingdom of God. Therefore, me not anyone else but Me, I feel I have to work at not sinning, making the choices that pleases God, bringing my spirit and, flesh to his obedience, I do have a contract to fulfill because he is the boss and I am his servant, very clear it says if we love him we do s he says.works do not make you righteous, not does it save you, because we will always be sinners and, need his sacrifice which we did not deserve abd was given by his grace, but that didn’t mean I don’t work, narrow is the path. This is the reason why so many people lose accountability because of the teachings that grace is enough, it is for your salvation, but for your walk you have a responsibility, a commitment, a testimony, a love, and most of the choice to make choices, the right choices. It takes work to not gossip, lie, cheat, steal, curse, kill, debauchery, ..etc… because we are not righteous.

      • Amen! Couldn’t have said it better Jannet.
        I’m so glad to know that there are so many who are willing to make the choice to obey God regardless of what our flesh desires. At first I thought I was alone.

  63. Carol, so beautiful to see truth. Proclaim it boldly and watch the chains fall. 7 months of standing and God healed my land. Exodus 14:14, message translation. God will fight your battle, you shut your mouth. We must zip and love te salvation of our spouse more than the reconciliation. We may be the only intercessor for their salvation, what a privilege. Stand the gap, warefare where needed and allow God to work in His way and His time

  64. It seems like God makes it impossible to serve him when a spouse leaves, abandons you with 3 kids. I’m in my early 30’s. I do not want to be celibate. Being forced into celibacy without love and affection and the loneliness is makes me angry at my kids, angry at the world and at God. I’m not a good single mom, I need help, I do not have all the answers. How can I raise my kids alone and then they will just learn to be single moms or deadbeat dads from this one parent home? I have told God this is too much for me to handle.

    • I understand your pain. I’m in my early 30’s too. Abandoned by my husband. Raising a baby alone. Desire more babies. I feel like the prime of my life is wasting away before my eyes. But I have found a measure of peace. I would love to chat with you through email about what has helped me if you are open to it.

    • Dear Polly God does not make it impossible he makes it possible, and he does not force us to do anything we are the ones who have to make the choice to obey him and surrender to his will.
      But you have to know whitout a doubt what his will is regarding remarriage don’t just do what someone else tell you to do, but what God tells you when you come to the place of total surrender I can tell you that it’s so much easy.
      You see out happiness does not depend in our spouse but in living a life that pleases God and doing what he commands us to do. God is the Only one that can fulfill us we need to be complete with only him.
      I can tell you that it was not easy for me at the beginning I too wrestled with the pain, lonliness fears and doubts. I’m in my mid thirties have no children so at first I could not imagine myself being alone, I thought I needed my husband to be happy. I understand you completely it’s normal to want a husband for God designed marriage.
      at first I had to struggle to make it through one day at a time I would always think I can’t make it another day I feel like dying, but you know with God’s help we can overcome lonliness, fear. It’s been almost three years for me since my husband and I divorced it’s been a hard journey but a blessed one as well for I have grown closer to God and have come to know Him, I have a relationship with him that I didn’t have before, but the pain that I was in is what brought me back to God. I had to run back to the only one that could help me.
      At the beginning when God showed me that as long as my husband is alive I only have two choices remain unmarried or reconcile with him, I did struggle because I wanted to remarry and move on, I didn’t think I could wait for my husband for so long.
      But I made the choice to be obedient to God and that was the best decision I could make. And with God’s help I’ve been able to be firm and I have not dated anyone for I believe what God says, that I’m bound to my husband for he is alive and if I marry someone else I will be in adultery.
      God does want me to be with my husband and I believe without a doubt that one day he will return. Don’t know when but as long as we are alive there will be a possibility for reconciliation.
      Please seek some good friends that can help you through this difficult times, having someone that can be there for you it’s so important. But first of all seek God He’s the only one that can give the strength you need to take one day at time.
      I also recommend you visit
      Charlyn’s daily devotionals helped get through some of the most difficult days, each time I read them it seemed to be just what I needed to hear.
      I will keep you in my prayers and may you put all your trust and hope in God.

      • Hi Carol!
        You are one of the persons God used to encourage me to share the truth about divorce and remarriage.
        So I thank you for being bold and speaking up regardless of what others may say.

      • Maria, do you have a blog? You could start a blog specifically on this subject and I think you would be a blessing to others. (you don’t need me as platform in other words) You have blessed me with a truth by correcting me and I’ll be forever grateful and thankful to you for that! I LOVE His correction and He used you for that. If you have a blog, give me the url. 🙂

      • I both honor and admire your faithfulness, Maria, but Christ, Himself, made an allowance for divorce based upon infidelity, which is the breaking of one’s marital oath through adultery. In Matthew chapter 5 verses 31 and 32, Christ said, “”It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife must give her written notice of divorce’. (32) But I tell you, everyone who divorces his wife, except in a case of sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

        Almighty YHWH, Himself, divorced Himself from the children of Israel and the Jews, after they repeatedly cheated on Him, thus breaking their marital vows to Him.

        As a conservative Christian man, who has been divorced for 18 years and never remarried, thus rearing my three children alone for the entire duration, I know what it feels like to go it alone in life. But, the decision not to remarry was my own, and not something I was obligated to do out of obedience to God, since I am free to marry again “In the Lord”, according to Scripture.

        I have always known that I have been set free to marry again, but my fornicating ex-wife and all adulterers have not (although she did and most of them do).

        Maria, I honestly think you suffer in vain because you are obeying a personal belief-system that is something other than what Christ has said. I am sure, in your case, that our Heavenly Father and Son do not want you to re-link yourself to a whore-mongering adulterous man, who can never be trusted and one who has forsaken you and your God.

        Maria, are you sure pride is not keeping your desire for your husband alive and can you be sure you are not mistaking your will for God’s? My prayers are with you.

      • C.J.
        Thank you for your words I don’t wasn’t to sound rude but I don’t seek honor , admiration or approval from man.
        Only God’s approval is the one that matters to me. It’s not my job to convince anyone to believe what God says regarding divorce, marriage and remarriage I only share and it’s their choice wether they accept it or not.
        First of all in Mathew 5:31
        notice that it says it has been said not I said, it has been said by Moses not Jesus that whoever put away his wife give her a writing of divorcement and we know that Jesus himself said the reason this was done was due to the hardness of hearts, not because He allowed it, it was still wrong.
        Verse 32 But I ( Jesus) now this is what he says that anyone who divorces his wife except for fornication, not adultery causes her to commit adultery.
        You say God divorced Israel true it does say that in Jeremiah 3:8 but we have to read the verses before those and the ones that follow as well.
        V. 12
        Return backsliding Israel saith The Lord ; and I will not cause my anger to fall upon you for Iam merciful saith The Lord, and I will not keep my anger forever.
        V. 14
        Turn O backsliding children, saith The Lord; for I am married unto you .
        V.3 They(Moses) say(Deuteronomy 24)If a man put away his wife, and she go from him and become another’s man’s shall he return unto her again?
        Shall not the land be greatly polluted?
        But thou hast played the harlot with many lovers, yet return again to me, saith The Lord.
        Israel was unfaithful but yet God keeps loving his people and will take them back when they repent, He remains faithful to them.
        Isaiah 54:5-10
        And no it’s not my pride it’s my love for God his word says the Love of God is that we keep his commandments with are not grievous. (I John 5:3) Like I said at the beginning I wanted to move on with my life and remarry for I thought I had the right, but God kept speaking to me and telling me that no I could not remarry for while my husband is alive I’m bound to him and if I was to remarry I will be in adultery. ( Romans 7:2-3, I Corinthians 7:10-11, 39) That’s why God says whoever divorces their spouse and marries another commits adultery because even though they are divorced they are still bound to each other while that live, now if one of them dies then the one still living is free to marry to whom he will; only in The Lord
        (I Corinthians 7:39)
        God is not forcing me to do anything, I’m willingly doing what He says. And I did not suffer in vain when we suffer for God’s sake that it’s counted as gain. You see I’m not here living devastated, lonely, unhappy, the pain lonliness, anger was at the beginning of my seperation and that was due my husband’d unfaithfulness not because of what God has to say about remarriage. I’m happy and fulfilled with just God I don’t need my husband to be happy, the reason I’m choosing to remain unmarried as long as my husband is alive and open to reconciliation that’s because those are my only two options and I’m happy with that. God still loves Israel and when one Israelite repents and turned back to them you mean to tell me God will turn them away ant tell them due to their unfaithfulness he can’t take them back?! Of course not He will take them back with open arms.
        I too was from God for a long time I was unfaithful to him, had many idols in my life, God was not first In my life, but when I repented He took me back He didn’t say I’m sorry Maria I can’t take you back you’ve been gone for so long, and have been unfaithful so many times I have replaced you, I forgive you but I can’t take you back, go back to your your lovers.
        No just like the prodigal son he till me back with open arms, were there consequences to my sins oh yes there were, but God was there with me through them. He remained faithful even though I was unfaithful he till me back and had healed me has restored me and has given me a new love for my husband.
        So if God can forgive why can’t we?
        If he can take back and adulterous bride why can’t we?
        Aren’t we called to be like Him?
        C.J. thanks again for your words I’m glad that you were able to make the choice of remaining unmarried on your own, God had to show me through his Word that i was to so the same, yes it was hard at first, but when you so it out of obedience and love for God it’s not as difficult as it seems. Look at you even if you say it’s for different reasons you have managed to remain unmarried for so long.
        I will also be praying for you.

      • Good afternoon, Maria:

        I just want to thank you for your reasoned response. With regard to your commentary above, I would just like you to consider that Almighty YHWH was threatening divorce. I think you might want to ponder that for a moment. I personally believe if YHWH threatens…it would be wise to listen, because He does not make frivolous threats. At that particular time, divorce was a very real possibility.

        In retrospect, Almighty YHWH meant every word of it, because He did divorce Himself from the Israelites and, in time, He did divorce Himself from the Jews. He allowed the Romans to put Judea to the torch, He destroyed His own Temple, and sent the harlot Jews to the four winds. He then ended His covenant with them and began the new covenant with all men (through His beloved Son, Christ Yeshua).

        Peace be with you – C.J.

      • I’d like to chime in here for a second…
        Yes Yah did divorce Israel. And according to His law, the former wife cannot remarry unless the husband dies. (like Maria says). So in order for Israel, and those who join in with her, could be reconciled to Yah was for Yeshua to die and He DID! And spiritually speaking, if your spouse dies spiritually (think prodigal son), and they repent (like the prodigal son), then we are to welcome them (like the prodigal son). Notice Israel remarried the SAME Husband, and so we should follow suit if they are alive. Of course if our spouse dies physically, then they cannot be raised and we are free to marry but I think that’s not ideal. For me personally, if my husband ever died, I would not remarry because I know that Yeshua is my true Husband and I would want to remain faithful to Him.

      • C.J.
        I do have a question. Why have you
        chosen to remain unmarried? You say because you are a conservative Christian, what does that mean?
        You say you have the right to remarry but have chosen not to, why?

      • Hi, Maria:

        I would just like to stipulate that in the 17 years since my divorce, I have not fornicated with anyone nor have I dated. I did not remarry for a number of reasons, but most notably because I have not met a woman that I could not live without. Now, there may be some great women out there, but it is apparent our paths have never crossed.

        Becoming a single father with a 1,3, and 5 year-old does not leave a great deal of time to date and most women do not want to marry a man with baggage or rear another woman’s children. I knew this was the case going into the divorce, but I love my children thoroughly and I needed to make sure if I brought a new mother figure into their lives she would have to love my children as her own and it would have to be a win-win situation for all parties involved.

        In addition, I shy away from relationships because I cannot find a woman that would be equally yoked with me nor one that I would want to become one flesh with. I guess you could say that I have very high standards, but in my defense, I would never ask someone to give something that I, myself, could not likewise deliver. I take marriage very seriously and it’s not something that people should rush into, because of all the spiritual, mental, and physical implications.

        Perhaps I should also share with you that I am concerned about marrying someone who has been “around the block” a few times and I am very, very concerned about marrying a woman who has lied about why she was previously divorced. I do not want to marry into adultery and I have reason to believe many people are deceptive regarding the cause of their divorce. They may say it’s all in the past, but it is still relevant to me.

        Maria, I just want to please my Heavenly Father and His glorious Son, so I spend a great deal of time trying to do things right…and for the right reasons. Upon the finalization of my divorce, I talked to my pastor about my plight and he emphatically said I could remarry, should I choose to do so, because my wife desecrated her marital vows, deserted her family, and chose to become an adulterer. She quickly remarried another man and had two more children with him. She is now going through a divorce with him, so do you think I should take her back?

        I pray your answer is “no” because that would mean I would have learned nothing and it would mean I am placing my temporal marriage ahead of eternal God. He has done a great deal to clean and purify me, so why would He want me to become filthy again in her embrace? He said to “only marry in the Lord”, so to remarry her would be to turn my back on Him and His command.

        Come to think of it, King Solomon took on some wives that led him away from the Almighty and this angered our eternal Father. So, which was more important…honoring his marital vows to these wicked women or placing God ahead of them and sending them packing? Almighty YHWH had many Jews divorce their foreign wives and send them away, along with their children, because they were not Jewish women, so you can see that the Almighty is not as opposed to divorce as you have led yourself to believe. He hates it…yes, but sometimes one cannot make a right out of something that’s so wrong.

        Peace be with you – C.J.

    • Its not God that makes it impossible its humans when we dont follow his way, and eve when we do we cant control others we can.only pray for them, God hates divorce but he also hates adultery it is a sin. Therefore, if the person does not repent it is tough to reconcile. You have to fill your mind and time.with things of the Lord, and try to be very patient with your Kids on purpose, cry out to.God and repent daily for doubting him. Your situation is hard im in the same boat with two babies, but I.have to renew my.mind through prayer, fasting and reading the word. Dont blame God he is there its us that are not worthy of his grace and mercy. As far as your spouse leave him to God there are consequences to.sin, pray for his salvation, and I dont believe in.standing for life unless God directs me and confirms it, that would be up.to u and your conviction. God loves you and your not alone…….these things happen we just cant believe it happens to us, but neither do cancer victims or accidents, so.being grateful and knowing we are still alive to receive his instruction and love and trusting in.him will ease not take it away that takes time. God bless

  65. Greetings, Carol:

    This little letter is in response to the thoughts you shared earlier today.

    I would just like to remind you that the prodigal son was not “one flesh” with his father and he did not make an oath of fidelity as seen in marriage ceremonies, so there is a major difference between the relationship a man shares with his wife from the relationship a father shares with his son. The expectations and requirements are completely different as are all aspects of their relationship.

    Please also consider than an adulterer was supposed to be put to death, so waiting around for them to come to their senses and welcoming them home was not applicable in those days. It was in the time of Christ that Jews stopped killing adulterous women and shortly thereafter they ceased the entire practice altogether, but rarely was the offending spouse welcomed back into the marriage.

    Things have become more complicated since adulterous spouses are no longer put to death. Things were so much easier for the non-offending spouse in those days because they were often set free upon their spouse’s execution. Adulterers may not be executed these days, but they do commit spiritual suicide and they put the marital bond to death. I believe they should only be welcomed back if certain conditions are met and only after intense spiritual reflection and prayer is administered by both parties beforehand, not to mention serious marital counseling. It is never as easy as just rendering forgiveness. Forgiving them does not mean you have to take them back and place yourself into another bad situation.

    Peace be with you – C.J.

    • C.J.
      I appreciate you answering my question regarding your decision to remain unmarried. Even though we are in the same situation we are doing it for different reasons. You because you choose to I because that’s what God has asked me to do( through his Word)
      You say you are a conservative Christian and you are trying to please God, I say the same thing my goal is to live for God and please him. That’s why I’m putting his will before mine.
      Is it marriage a picture of God’s relationship with us? We are called his bride, so the parable of the prodigal son applies to us.
      I mentioned in my previous comments repentance, when we repent God takes us back. repentance includes forsaking the sin we’re in , turning away from it.
      We can’t repent and keep sinning.
      That why I say that when my husband repents from his adultery and comes back I will take him back, because when he repents he will have to forsake the sin he’s in.
      You say that your wife is divorcing at the moment, that should have been expected because that was and adulterous relationship that needed to end because you are still alive and she is still your wife. Should you take her back? Has she repented? has she been heartbroken and of a contrite spirit for breaking God’s law, for grieving God, for failing Him? If she has and is seeking reconciliation with you then my answer is yes, you take her back.
      See her options are the same as ours remain unmarried or be reconciled to you, if you choose not to reconcile with her then her only other option is to remain unmarried.
      Yes many things have changed regarding marriage, divorce and remarriage but the one thing that remains the same is what God says about it, he still hates divorce,. Death is still the only reason a marriage is dissolved that’s why the adulterer was put to death, that has changed because God no longer requires adulterous to be put to death, but he still says death is the only reason to end a marriage. That’s why he says if anyone marries another while their spouse is alive they will be living in adultery.
      It has been man who changes the rules, but God remains faithful to his Word.
      You also say forgiveness does not mean you take them back, isn’t that what God does? When we repent, and forsake our sin God does take is back.
      C.J. we will not agree for just as you say you are doing God’s will, I also say the Same thing. Is not my job to convince you I only share and you choose to accept it or not, just like you’ve shared with me.
      I have no doubt of what God says regarding remarriage and will continue to do his will
      Thank you again for taking the time to reply to my questions.

      • Good evening to ya, Maria:

        I would just like to begin by thanking you for your articulate commentary. Indeed…it does seem that we are at an impasse, which is strange because we are both children of God, both love His only begotten Son, and we both believe we are following God’s will by obeying His word. It would seem however, that we both cannot be right, so I wonder where we are missing the boat?

        Please know that I do not have a “dog” in this fight, which is to say that I am not hoping and praying for a certain outcome based upon my own will. All I want is to please our Heavenly Father and Son and to get things right. I do not want to mislead you or anyone else for that matter, nor do I want to be misled. I will say upfront, that I wish the issue of divorce and remarriage was spelled out a little more clearly in the Bible, but I believe there is enough to go on.

        I would like to take friendly exception to you claiming that my ex-wife is still my “wife”. The woman that I married 20 some years ago ceased to be my wife as soon as she became one flesh with her manager and then became one flesh with a few other men before becoming one flesh with a new husband. Please understand that as soon as she became one flesh with another man, she ceased being one flesh with me and our marital bond was broken. In 1 Corinthians 6:16 we read, “Do you not know that anyone joined to a prostitute is one flesh with her? For it says, the two will become one flesh.” By this passage it is clear that a husband and wife are only one flesh before the Lord as long as no other parties are involved with them sexually.

        You also told me that I should be open to remarrying my adulterous ex wife if she repented, etc. Yet we read in Jeremiah 3:1 “If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him to marry another, can he ever return to her? Wouldn’t such a land become totally defiled?” Then again, in Deuteronomy 24:3 we read, “…the first husband who sent her away may not remarry her again after she has been defiled, because that would be detestable to YHWH. Come to think of it…that would be detestable to me, too.

        The verses from Jeremiah and Deuteronomy above play right into 2 Corinthians 6:14 where Paul warns us, “Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? So, to remarry a partner just because they want to come back is a violation of this Biblical code, nor should a believer strive to become one flesh with one whose soul is foreign to the Holy Spirit. Thus we must “Marry only in the Lord.”

        It becomes fodder for philosophers when we consider the characters of the participants in the marriage ceremony. For instance, I wonder if the Almighty saw my “marriage” to my bride as being legitimate, when she married me because she thought I was made of money? So, I ask you: If one of the marital partners is defrauding the other before God, does God honor that marriage? If the Almighty knows that one of the marital partners is getting married under false pretenses, will He make the innocent, unsuspecting party pay dearly by suffering through a fraudulent marriage and then wait around for years or forever for this pretender to come around?

        In the same manner, what should I have done when my adulterous bride wanted out of our marriage? Well, 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to peace.” Now, what was that? God has called us to peace, not a lifetime of waiting around for an unbelieving deserter and adulterer to come back home to a defunct marriage. Sounds foolish and needy to me and seems to depart from Biblical teachings.

        Maria, I will end this letter by restating the words of our Lord in Matthew 19:9, “And I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY, and marries another, commits adultery.” Now, if we take out the parenthetical expression the sentence reads, “…whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery.” When the parenthetical expression or qualifying statement is added back in, it defines the entire statement. This sentence, spoken by Christ Himself, states that a man will not be marrying into adultery if he had previously divorced his wife due to her sexual immorality, i.e., fornication. In this regard the innocent man is free to divorce her and remarry in the Lord.

        Now, if you cannot see that, then I respectfully submit to you that there are none as blind as those who refuse to see. I would also like to caution you to think twice before saying “God has asked me to” wait for my ex husband or whatever else. I can tell you for certain that God has not used His word to convey this message to you and I believe I am on firm ground when I say this.

        Case in point: two years ago I loved a woman in the Lord, who thought God spoke to her and wanted her to marry a wealthy man with a grand profession and who had many fine possessions and great status after only having met him for 30 minutes. She married him 30 days later. She said she felt peace in her heart and that God really wanted this for her, but I have never seen such a miserable woman since her wedding…so miserable she wants to die. Did God do this to her? Nope…she did this all on her own. I told her she was confusing God’s will with her own but she wouldn’t listen to reason or Godly counsel. It’s sad, but all too often well meaning people confuse their own will for God’s and then set themselves up for a lifetime of misery when our Heavenly Father called us to peace and Godliness.

        Peace be with you, Maria – C.J. Sledgehammer

      • C.J.
        Thank you again for taking the time to answer my questions.
        I can assure that is also not my intention to pick a fight.
        We could keep going back and forth, but we both are very firm in our beliefs.
        Just like you don’t want to be misled neither do I.
        I have total peace on where I stand, and know that it’s God’s will. He has given the peace I need. you say that I’m blinded I can assure I’m not, I was at the beginning and it was God who opened my eyes and showed me the way, for I was taking a different path.
        My purpose is to live a life pleasing to God and do the thinks that please him, like I told Nicole I have found joy in serving him and living for him.
        I thank you again for sharing your thoughts, may God’s peace be with you and may you continue to serve God and be faithful to Him.

  66. This passage has answered ALOT of my questions. After my husband left be and has been cheating since he’s been gone.I was rready for divorce. But every attempt I make I just can’t seem to get to it. I’ve been resting in God praying he heals my broken heart. I’ve relocated and my heart is still heavy and I’ve forgiven my husband. God has really leaning in my direction. It’s been six months and I still find myself crying because it still hurts. Lord knows I love and still in love with my husband. Just going to continue to rest in God and live according to his will and way. I don’t feel-burdenex by beibeing fafaithful to my husband. I’ve be never and won’t cheat on him. That gives me strength. And I believe in God too much for that. And I also love God more than I love anything else. I continue to pray for my husband. That’s all I can do

    • You have a beautiful heart, Nicole, and I will pray for your recovery.

      I know that even though my wife was an abusive mate and an adulteress to boot, I found myself missing her (at first). Sometimes we get accustomed to someone and even tolerate their bad behavior because they are a known commodity and change can be frightening. I firmly believe the Almighty did not want me or my children to remain around this woman, because she was trying to lead us all away from Him. Sometimes the worst thing a person can do is welcome home a flagrant sinner. What if he brings home a venereal disease?

      My Prayers are with you – C.J.

      • Thanks cj today has been bittersweet for me. Today is our 3yr anniversary. Got up and went to church today. Still feeling down. But I’ve been keep myself busy and praying all day today. Sometimes I wished I wasn’t in love so I wouldn’t feel like this. He’s gone on with his life and Lord knows I’m trying my best to go on with mines. Just tired of hurting over someone who doesn’t care nothing about me! Thanks for your prayers cj God bless you too. And in the mean time I’m going tokeep praying and remain strong. Because I know God see me hurting and he knows how I feel. I know god is holding me

      • Nicole, I am going through the same thing, you are not alone. My husband has his lover 5 months pregnant. I have decided that I have taken enough and although my heart breaks having two baby boys, two and three years old, I will not stand by and continue to have this steal my joy and adoration which belongs to the Lord. We have to let it go and give our pain and husbands to the Lord. Try your best to focus on God, be active in your church, read his word daily, fast, think about all your blessings; like health, home, etc….we have to stay strong, and know that God hasn’t finished with us yet. Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 4:11

  67. Nicole I will be praying for you.
    God is good and he does not give us more than we can take.
    Use this time to focus on him to get to know Him He wants to have a relationship with his children.
    I know the pain you feel for I was there two years ago, but that pain was what brought me back to God and He was the Only one that took the pain, lonliness and despair away.
    Going through that made me realize that I needed to depend on God alone for even though May family and friends cared about me they could never give the strength, healing and peace I needed, not that they didn’t wish to do so, my mother told me many times that she would trade places with me and take my pain away if she could but God is the only one that can do that.
    He showed me that he coul be my husband, provider , my rock my strength and comfort, my all. he wanted to be first in my life.
    It’s been 2 1/2 years now and I can tell you that God does heal and he does restore. He can make beauty out of ashes. Like Jeanette said focus on God I have found much joy in him alone, He is the only one meant to fulfill us.
    reach out to others, volunteer at your church, help the needy. I can tell you that you will find much joy in serving others as well.
    We can’t change our spouses only God can, leave your husband up to him and you focus on serving God he will take care of you He will never leave you or forsake you and he will give you the strength you need to keep going.

  68. Dear Maria:

    I would like to preface what I am about to say by stating that I have enjoyed the interaction we have shared, thus far. I know the subject of divorce and remarriage is a difficult one to understand, let alone master. Please know that I am not “In it to win it” as they say, with regard to this discussion. My sole purpose is to bring our Heavenly Father and Son’s words to the table so we may digest His delicious essence, but I pray that neither of us treat it as a smorgasbord, where we take what we want and leave everything else behind, thus filling our mouths with the slim pickings we find palatable, but neglect to fill ourselves with the fullness of spiritual truth.

    I have said all this, so you will take your current belief-system and hold it in the light of these following verses:

    1. 1 Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to peace.”

    2. 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness?”

    3. Matthew 19:9 (Christ Yeshua said) “And I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY, and marries another, commits adultery.”

    4. 1 Corinthians 6:16 “Do you not know that anyone joined to a prostitute is one with her? For it says, the two will become one flesh.”

    Maria, all the verses above are very pertinent to our discussion and I request that you ponder each. I know it is easy to say things like, “I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree”, but I think, in some cases, it’s just a cop-out and no accountability is ever given and no resolution is ever reached. It therefore, becomes more of a “You believe what you want to believe and I’ll believe what I want” and then we go our separate ways (with one or both of us still walking in error).

    Please understand that I don’t want us to go down that road. If my belief system is in error, I beg you – please show me my error so I can walk closer with the truth and better please my Heavenly Father and Son. But, if you are in error…I pray you are given the spirit of humility and truth, so you are willing to embrace God’s Word to whatever end. I believe our Heavenly Father wants His sons and daughters to hold themselves accountable to each other in the light of His Word, so we can walk in the light of His truth.

    I look forward to hearing from you and may the peace of God be with you – C.J.

    • C.J.
      Thank you for your response. I have enjoyed our interaction as well and I appreciate you taking the time to listen and share. many others have just said they don’t agree with me but have not given me the option to share scriptures that back up my belief regarding remarriage, so thank you for being open to discussion.

      With that being said do you have and email address? I would love to further
      discuss this with you and share the scriptures God showed me, but what I’ve written so far it’s pretty lengthy and I still have more. I have this a notebook because I don’t own a computer that’s why it takes a while for me to respond because I have to get to a computer or use my phone which does not cooperate too well at times.
      So if you have an email address and would feel comfortable sharing it with me I would get to a computer and email you what I have.

      • Dear Maria:

        Good thing you responded tonight because I am heading back home tomorrow (Lord willing) and I do not have internet service there…at least not yet. As things are now, I have had to cruise into the library once a week or so to check my e-mail account, but hopefully I can get the Internet up and running soon after I return home (from visiting my mother).

        No…I don’t mind if you e-mail me. My address is cjsledgehammer@Hotmail.com

        God’s blessings to you and yours – C.J.

  69. Good morning, Carol:

    I just want you to know that I think the article above is very insightful, was written with the best of intentions, and shows a great regard for God’s institution of marriage, yet I believe you may have taken some assumptive leaps, which I would like to briefly address.

    In the article above, you mentioned, “Now, marriage is a two-way contract. You and your spouse have a covenant with each other, and more importantly, with GOD. So if your spouse breaks the contract by infidelity, does this give you, the believer, license to break YOUR contract or vow by divorcing them? The answer is: NO.”

    I say this with a humble heart and a clear conscience, but the above assertion does not hold up under Biblical scrutiny. Yes, marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman and is, therefore, a “two-way contract” before God, but Christ Yeshua plainly stated in Matthew 19:9, “And I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY, and marries another, commits adultery.”

    I don’t mean to sound combative, but Christ, Himself, seems to come against the notion of “once married…always married”, by making a clear allowance for the innocent party to divorce the transgressor and marry another believer (if they so choose) when the marital bond has been broken due to marital infidelity.

    Then again, St. Paul instructed the believers in 1 Corinthians 7:15, “But, if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to peace.” Now, this passage stops short of saying the believer can remarry, but if the unbeliever abandons the marital bed, thus breaking the marital vow and dissolving the marriage, then the innocent party is no longer bound to such a person and it would seem reasonable to conclude that remarriage to another believer would be justifiable before our Heavenly Father and Son.

    Please understand, Carol, that the Almighty divorced Himself from the Jews when, during the first century B.C., they sought an economic and military alliance with Rome instead of relying upon God’s provisions and protection. Apparently they thought Rome could deliver them from their foes and provide for them better than the Almighty could. This, therefore, was the last straw. Almighty YHWH thought to Himself that if it’s the Romans His people wanted…then it’s the Romans they will get!

    Ironically, the very ones that the Jews ran to for security, were the very ones God used to destroy them. The Romans even launched hundreds of massive stones, which rained down from the sky upon Jerusalem (via trebuchets) signifying the public stoning of an adulterous wife (A.D. 70).

    May God be with you and yours – C.J.

    P.S. Carol, divorce is far from ideal, and yes, God hates it, but even our Heavenly Father was led to it as witnessed and testified by His own actions. He did everything he could to save His marriage with the Israelites and the Jews, but it was to no avail. Their loss is now our gain.

    • Let’s take a couple who is married….if the husband cheats on his wife (thereby breaks his marriage covenant), does that give the wife license to do the same? There are some people who believe that if one person breaks the marriage vows, then automatically BOTH are broken but this is false because we are all judged INDIVIDUALLY. No one is getting to the Kingdom or eternal fire on the back of another, so to speak. Both parties made a vow to each other – if one breaks the vow, then it is THEIR vow they have broken, not the other persons’. The other person’s vow is still in tact – they have remained faithful. It is the world’s way, the fleshly way to think that one person’s sin gives license for the other to sin. This is wickedness!

      I think the verse in Matt 19:9 supports what Maria and I have been saying:

      “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

      I think the “sexual immorality” is connected to “divorces,” not remarrying. I believe He is saying that you CAN divorce on the grounds of sexual immorality but you cannot remarry on those grounds because that would be adultery and the verse states this.

      The same is said for Matt 5:31,32

      “It is said, “whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

      Again, I think “unchastity” in this verse is related to the previous verse right before it – divorce. I believe you can divorce for reasons of unchastity and this would not cause her to become an adulterous because she has done that herself. The husband would not be the cause because SHE is, which is why he’s divorcing her.

      And the second part of this verse…. “and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

      If there is another guy who comes along and wants to marry this divorced woman, then why is it considered adultery for the man? The ONLY way it can be adultery for this other man is if the woman is still covered by her husband – if her vows still stand. Remember, divorce and remarriage are two different things.

      We have to look at the other verses if we are to judge rightly and these do not mention infidelity…

      Mark 10:11 “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.

      Luke 16:18 “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

      So if you put those above two verses with the verses you referenced in Matt 19, the conclusion seems to indicate that you CAN divorce she is unfaithful but you cannot remarry lest it be considered adultery (due to the remarriage). And again in Luke, why would a man marrying a divorced woman be considered adulterous? It’s because she still belongs to another. This other guy may be completely innocent but he stumbled upon a woman who belongs to someone else and we are not to take what is not ours.

      Here’s another verse that supports this understanding….
      1 Corin 7:10,11 – To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must REMAIN UNMARRIED OR ELSE BE RECONCILED TO HER HUSBAND. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”

      We can see that it is permissible for the wife to separate yet NOT remarry. Why? Because her marriage covenant still remains with the husband. Her only other choice is to reconcile with him and in this case, it doesn’t say anything about adultery on his part (or hers). So if you take the WHOLE bible as the context, then we can see that whether adultery is a factor or not, if we reconcile with the spouse, then we are exercising forgiveness, mercy etc. One you divorce and remarry another, then there is NO reconciliation for the first spouse and so that first spouse is essentially UNFORGIVABLE – cast out….and this is not the picture that Yeshua paints for us. Yes He divorced Israel but we also know that in His death, He made it legally possibly for Israel to be reconciled to Him. He didn’t go off to find another bride. He stayed with His first and only love, Israel, and she DID commit adultery.

      The other verses in 1 Corin 7:15 that speaks of us not being bound is for unbelievers and that’s a different story all together. Not everyone is God’s bride and so the law does not apply to them. If you live outside of the kingdom’s law, then that’s a good indication that you are not a part of that kingdom.

      The bottom line is, Sledgehammer, that I believe that if you take ALL of the verses together referencing divorce and remarriage, and if you take the illustration of Yeshua and His bride and how He handled that, and how He will continue to handle it in the future, you see that remarrying another is not an option if you are a believer. Just like following another god is not an option lest you be guilty of adultery/idolatry since they are the same thing in God’s economy. Our earthly marriage is a direction reflection and picture of our marriage to our Father/Husband in heaven.

      When Yeshua asked the disciples in John 6, “You do not want to leave too, do you? and Simon Peter responded with “Lord, to whom shall we go?” This is directly related to our marriage to our earthly spouses….where else will we go? The bible tells us, either don’t remarry (or commit idolatry) or be reconciled.

      • C.J.
        I’m going to jump right in since I have access to do so at at the moment.
        Carol has explain it so well.
        In Mathew the clause is for divorce not for the remarriage.
        If you put all the verses that Carol mentioned and I had as well.
        Mathew 5:31-32 , Mark 10:11
        Luke 16:18 all say the same thing you can divorce in case of fornication, but it’s not giving us freedom to remarry.
        He is very clear about that, if we remarry than we will be committing adultery why because by the law God’s law like it’s says in Romans 7 we are bound to our spouses until death, not until they divorce us, not until they’re unfaithful, not until abandon is, but until death. That”s why God says that if we divorce we can’t marry someone else because you are still bound to your covenant spouse. Adultery is having sex with someone who is not your spouse, so if God did not consider us to be married even after divorce why would he say we are commiting adultery? But he says it’s adultery because even if we marry someonelse we are still bound to our covenant spouse as long as they are alive.
        God warns all partys that remarriage is not allowed.
        In Luke we see a man divorcing his wife he’s the guilty party so he can’t remarry we see the woman left behind she’s the innocent party if she was free to remarry why is God warning a other men not to marry her, for if they do they will be committing adultery?

        Is marriage not a picture of God’s relationship with us? If we say that unfaithfulness ends marriage them we are saying unfaithfulness ends our relationship with God, we know that’s not true.
        Israel committed adultery with many gods and yes God divorced her, but never did he replace her.

        They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with MANY lovers; yet RETURN again to me, saith the Lord. ‭Jeremiah‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬ K

        Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, Return thou backsliding Israel, saith the Lord; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger for ever. Jeremiah‬ ‭3‬:‭12‬

        Turn, O backsliding children, saith the Lord; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion: Jeremiah‬ ‭3‬:‭14‬ KJV

        Even after divorcing Israel God goes on to say for Iam married to you!
        He’s asking her to repent and calling her back to him and telling her that he will take her back.

        Another thing that you mentioned is that Carol is wrong in saying that if one breaks the wedding vows the other does not have the right to do the same thing. But she is correct we are responsible for our actions we are going to give account to God for our actions not our spouses.
        I can’t say well my husband cheated on me, so I will also cheat on him, since he did it that gives me freedom to do the same thing.
        According to the scriptures I have more than enough to say that remarriage is not allowed as long as your spouse is alive. God’s desire is not to divorce, but if we do because he understands that sometimes like in my case we have no choice, it’s still not right though. But he still says we only have only have two options remain unmarried or be reconciled to our spouse.

      • Good evening, Carol:

        Thank you for your speedy reply. As I have read your commentary, it occurred to me that we may be speaking past each other a little bit, here and there. I have also noticed that you seem to take certain events in the Bible and directly associate them with marriage, which may not be consistent with its true intent or original purpose.

        I, for one, do not think the story of the Prodigal son is a parable about marriage. Of course there are some lessons from this story that can be broadly used in any number of real-life scenarios, but it does not and cannot do everything you ask it to do. In this sense, I believe you may be guilty of reading a little too much into things, which leads to a most inflexible and, I believe, doctrinally unsound belief-system. I think you are right on a lot of things, and you make some real good points, but, in the end, you seem to miss the big picture.

        Moreover, you somehow associate the Son of God’s death on the cross as a mechanism that will reunite God, the Father, with Israel. In your own words you state, “Yes He divorced Israel but we also know that in His death, He made it legally possibly for Israel to be reconciled to Him. He didn’t go off to find another bride. He stayed with His first and only love, Israel, and she DID commit adultery.”

        What you need to know is Almighty YHWH gave Israel a certificate of divorce and then brought in Sennacherib from Assyria to wipe away the Northern Kingdom forever, thus they became assimilated into many other nations and mixed their bloodlines, thus ceasing to exist as Israelites forever. Nothing has changed that scenario in roughly 2,730 years. In this sense, the lost tribes of Israel are dead and gone. It was their blood that was required…not the blood of God’s only begotten Son. I believe you may be confused.

        I am also surprised that you think that the innocent, bitter, suffering, and death of Christ Yeshua, the Son of God, means that the adulterous Israel can somehow come back to Him. In this regard, I think you have things twisted around and are taking some “artistic liberties” with God’s Word. I dare say that Christ’s death on the cross had nothing to do with the adulterous Israel coming back to God, the Father. Where in the world did you ever come up with that juicy little nugget?

        In addition, you wrote:

        “I think the verse in Matt 19:9 supports what Maria and I have been saying:

        “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

        I think the “sexual immorality” is connected to “divorces,” not remarrying. I believe He is saying that you CAN divorce on the grounds of sexual immorality but you cannot remarry on those grounds because that would be adultery and the verse states this.”

        Again, I think you are missing the big picture. I mentioned to Maria a couple of days ago, that if we take out the parenthetical expression the sentence reads, “…whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery. When the parenthetical expression or qualifying statement is added back in, it clarifies the whole statement. This sentence, spoken by Christ Himself, thusly states that a man will not be marrying into adultery if he had previously divorced his wife due to her sexual immorality, i.e., fornication. In this regard the innocent man is free to divorce her and remarry in the Lord.

        You began your post by stating:

        “Let’s take a couple who is married….if the husband cheats on his wife (thereby breaks his marriage covenant), does that give the wife license to do the same? There are some people who believe that if one person breaks the marriage vows, then automatically BOTH are broken but this is false because we are all judged INDIVIDUALLY. No one is getting to the Kingdom or eternal fire on the back of another, so to speak. Both parties made a vow to each other – if one breaks the vow, then it is THEIR vow they have broken, not the other persons’. The other person’s vow is still in tact – they have remained faithful. It is the world’s way, the fleshly way to think that one person’s sin gives license for the other to sin. This is wickedness!”

        Please know that I do not entirely disagree with your philosophy. Indeed, two wrongs does not make a right. What I think you are neglecting to notice, however, is that when a man and a woman are married, they become “one flesh” before the Lord. He, therefore, does not see them as two people…He sees them as one.

        So, what happens when one of the partners decides to fornicate with another person? I maintain that this wanton act of infidelity destroys the marital bond that they both shared. Indeed, there still may be an innocent party that upholds their end of the deal, but, sadly, all it takes is one act of recklessness to destroy something beautiful; where one destroys what two had shared.

        Please consider what St. Paul said to the believers of the Corinthian Church (1 Cor 6:16) regarding the issue of sexual immorality and fornication. “Do you not know that anyone joined to a prostitute is one with her? For it says, the two will become one flesh.” So, you see, a husband is only “one flesh” with his wife (before God) as long as he does not unite himself sexually with another. The same holds true with an adulterous wife. If one of the marital partners unites themselves sexually with another…the Almighty no longer sees THEM as “one flesh” because the bond has been broken. The sole provision to the innocent party is to divorce the offending party and marry another in the Lord. And this is a loving provision by a loving God.

        I had better run for now, but may God be with you – C.J.

      • You said I was “inflexible”, that I have a “doctrinally unsound belief system”, that I’m “confused”, that I “miss the big picture” (2X), that I’m “twisting things”, and that I “take artistic liberties with God’s Word”. Your disparaging words towards me (alone) are veiled with niceties and God-speak and I can clearly see it. I have not spoken to you in the condescending manner in which you have spoken to me. It seems obvious to me that you’re angry and it was not my intention to cause this.

        Now to your last comment, I disagree with just about everything you said and to explain each and every issue would be folly for me because I can see that it will do no good. You’re not really considering anything I’ve said. You continually drive your understanding on to me while insulting me in the process. How can I take what you say seriously or as truthful when I see you’re not acting according to the Ruach? I’m telling you this for YOUR sake, not mine, to please watch what you say because your treatment of another in this way does not please God.

        I think Hebraically which is thematic in nature. The entire bible is several stories told over and over again and when you compare related themes, another picture starts to emerge. One that gives you more clarity on His ways and who He is. You “see” different things that the Western or Greek mindset cannot not see. Yeshua was Jewish, thought and taught Hebraically and so you simply cannot understand His ways completely accurately when you don’t think and reason this way — His way. And so I take issue with everything you said and I cannot explain it to you because I know you cannot understand it. I am not putting you down – I’ll say it again, it’s a different mindset – a different perspective. If you thought like Yeshua does, then you would know that things like tzara’ot (leprosy), the b’rit milah (circumcision), Yeshua’s death, being scattered, being exiled, and the parable of the soils, to name a few, are all related. It is all one seamless garment which is another picture of Yeshua’s robe made of one material, Joseph’s robe, being echad (one) with each other and with YHVH. All of this no doubt sounds foreign to you and it’s to be expected as long as you remain in your Christian churches that thinks like the Greeks.

        I encourage you to read https://boldlyproclaimingchrist.wordpress.com/tony-robinson/why-and-how-non-jewish-believers-left-their-hebraic-roots/

        Here’s another excellent article about the difference between the Greek & Hebrew mindset. http://www.wildbranch.org/teachings/hebrew-greek-mind/index.html

  70. Good evening, Maria:

    I have written a lot already tonight, but I just wanted to respond to an excerpt you had written earlier. Earlier this evening you wrote:

    ” According to the scriptures I have more than enough to say that remarriage is not allowed as long as your spouse is alive. God’s desire is not to divorce, but if we do because he understands that sometimes like in my case we have no choice, it’s still not right though. But he still says we only have only have two options remain unmarried or be reconciled to our spouse.”

    Yes, you are right in saying that remarriage is not allowed as long as your spouse is alive. But, if your spouse has united himself with another, he is no longer “one flesh” with you, thus your marriage is broken in God’s eyes (1 Cor 6:16). If a divorce is sought by the unoffending party, as stipulated by Christ (Matt 19:9), you no longer have a spouse to consider, thus you are free to remarry in the Lord.

    You are also right when you say, “God’s desire is not to divorce.” Unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world and sometimes divorce becomes a necessary “evil”. Not something God wishes for us and not something that we want…but it is sanctioned by God nonetheless, in a limited number of circumstances.

    When you say that God has said we, “only have two options: remain unmarried or be reconciled to our spouse.” In most cases you are right. In every case, except for sexual immorality, that is (Matthew 19:9). And, it looks like believers are not bound to an unbelieving spouse who walks away from the marriage (1 Corinthians 7:15). So, if you are not bound to the deserting unbeliever any longer, why can’t you remarry in the Lord? It just doesn’t make sense to me in light of Scripture.

    How can you explain this? St. Paul said the Lord has called us to “peace”, so why do you make it sound as if the Lord is calling us into a life of loneliness and despair waiting for deserting unbelievers and adulterers to come home to us? And to what avail? In this regard, we are slaves to our marital oaths, even when our marital bond has been irretrievably broken by a reckless or adulterous spouse. I hate to say it, Maria, but this position sounds like Scriptural litigiousness run wild; a pendulum that has swung too far to the right.

    Best wishes, behave, and be well – C.J. Sledgehammer

    P.S. I completely agree with you (and Carol) that divorce and remarriage is a complicated issue and it is not something easily entered into. It seems that you (and Carol) see death as the only Biblical grounds for remarriage. I agree, except in the case of sexual immorality, as my Lord has stated, and in the case of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, as taught by St. Paul. Other than that…I believe we are all on the same page. Peace be with you – C.J.

  71. I have changed the settings so that comments are not automatic due to those who seek to insult others. My apologies to those who know how to conduct themselves.

    • Honestly, Carol, the only insult levied here tonight was your desire to censor the voice of reason. I wish you well, but please, in the future, try to incorporate humility when dispensing the Word of God. You just may run into someone who knows Scripture and God better than you do.

      When it comes to the business of winning souls or winning a debate, one must have “thicker” skin than you’ve shown. Hypersensitivity is not an admired quality. You cannot hope to silence your opposition, or squelch a stronger opinion through censorship.

      I read our commentary to others, and they did not see where I had demeaned you. They saw where I was defending the faith, but could not see where I was deliberately trying to be offensive. Again, I think you are taking my comments out of context and are placing a negative spin on them.

      I did not mean to insult you, and you didn’t have to feel that way, but you chose too. Only you and our Creator know why you chose to go to that place. I am sorry if I hurt you, while trying to defend God’s Word. From what I have seen thus far, you seem to derive knowledge from intuition and feelings, thus reading into things, while taking other things out of context. You may wish to work on that, so you can better serve the Lord and others.

      In His service – C.J. Sledgehammer

      • So since my husband has left and in another relationship I can’t divorce him? I’m trying to understand God’s law and word! I have been faithful since he’s been gone. I prayed and asked God to remove that desire and he did so. And I recently found out my husband is telling her he love her she’s his heart and soul. I’m so angry because we’ve only been separated 6mths. And I know he’s having sex with her. I just pray God heals my heart. Because I don’t deserve this. And I’m so tired of crying.

      • Dear Nicole:

        There are those elements within the church today that swing too far to the left when it comes to divorce and remarriage, such that they make a mockery out of marriage. Then there are those who, in trying to observe Biblical laws, become hyper-vigilant and thus swing too far to the right.

        Taking a middle-of-the road or conservative approach is probably best thing to do in this situation, especially when one considers that the Good Book does say that one can only remarry in the Lord if their spouse has died, but it doesn’t quite end there, except for those who want it to.

        In Matthew 19:9 Christ tells us that a person can divorce and remarry if his wife was guilty of adultery. Then, in like fashion, St. Paul tells the Church in Corinth in 1 Corinthians 7:15 that if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage…let him. For God’s people are called to peace.

        Similarly, we are told that God sees a man and a prostitute as being “one flesh” after they have laid down with each other. So, I am confident that if a married man or woman lays down with another person, they are no longer “one flesh” with their spouse, meaning their marital bond is broken in the eyes of God.

        Nicole, taking a conservative approach to this issue by looking at pertinent Biblical themes while reading all known verses dealing directly with marriage and divorce, I believe I am on firm ground when I say that the non offending spouse can divorce and remarry, but only in a limited number of instances.

        The only verse that explicitly says that one can divorce and remarry is Matthew 19:9, while 1 Corinthians 7:15 tells us that we are not bound to an unbelieving spouse who wants out of the marriage. Since we are no longer bound to one who walks away from our marriage, especially after becoming “one flesh” with another, I cannot see, under the light of Scripture, why a believer could not remarry in the Lord, in this case.

        I think the only question is whether you have a vested interest in waiting around for your ex husband to come back to you. Some people have reasons for waiting around that are extra-Biblical. I have never met anyone who could move on (in the Lord) that did not…unless they could not, for one reason or another.

        Nicole, I cannot tell you what to do, for you are the one who will give an account of your decisions before the Lord. What I will encourage you to do, however, is to thoroughly search Scripture, seek out trustworthy sources, talk to believers who have a healthy approach to Scripture and walk closely with the Lord, while continuing to pray, praise, and give thanks to our Heavenly Father and Son, for being who They are and for doing all that They do. Then, do not forget to count your blessing, which are many.

        I hate to run now, but I must. May our Heavenly Father and Son be with you and yours – C.J.

      • Good morning, Carol:

        It has occurred to me that we may not be of the same faith. Are you a Messianic Jew?

      • I’m not Jewish but I have used the label “Messianic.” I think I’m closer to the Netzari. I briefly explain what I am on my About page. Christianity and the Netzari used to be the same back in ancient times but man has changed that. Christianity has changed and taken the “Jewishness” out of things. What I practice is the faith of Yeshua’s time – the Nazarenes. Talk about walking the “ancient path.”

        Some people misunderstand us because they think we practice the ‘stoning of children’ etc. and that’s not true. We are no longer living in a Torah-based society nor is the entire body living together communally under the cohen hagadol. (high priest) So we are similar in that the object of our love is Yeshua and the Father YHVH, but there are many differences after that.

        Maybe that will shed some light on some things. 🙂

  72. Good afternoon, Carol:

    Just so you know, I read your profile page and I just want to say that I think I understand you a little better as a result. Truth be known, I have not heard of the Netzarim before today, but I find it very interesting nonetheless.

    Again, please forgive me for “insulting” you the other day. Though it was never my intent…I still hurt you and for that I am sorry. In the future, I will try to “soften” my approach and try to be as gentle as a dove, which won’t be easy for a sledgehammer. :0)

    Peace be with you – C.J. Sledgehammer

    • Thank you for the kind words. What makes me happy is not so much that you asked for my forgiveness because I forgave you a couple of days ago. What makes me happy is that because you did this, and humbled yourself, that you are showing fruits of the Spirit and are pleasing to the Father. If God had any charge against you (vertical – between you and Him) then it was dispelled because of your humbleness and your seeking to make things right with me. (horizontal – between you and me) So I’m very happy for you truly because what you have done pleases the Father! 🙂 🙂

      • Carol:

        I am pleased that you were able to find it within your heart to forgive me. I know I come across rather strong at times, but it is never my intent to hurt anyone. Thank you for your compassion and for showing a willingness to love – instead of hate.

        Please know that, in your honor, I have devoted much of my day looking into the Netzari/Messianic movement. Indeed…I have learned a lot. I watched a video by Rabbi Kristopher Shoemaker who defined what a legitimate Netzari/Messianic movement is from those which are not.

        Listed below are 27 “Red flags” that Rabbi Shoemaker outlined that are consistent with a cult…not a legitimate Netzari/Messianic movement. He said a person should run, if they see any of these “Red flags” emerge:

        1. Extreme usage and reliance on Hebrew words instead of using English whenever appropriate
        2. Promotion of their own version of Scripture (by a leader), who has never been subjected to a board of linguists/translators
        3. When the leader IS the ruling body of the congregation, hence there are no checks and balances
        4. When they focus on “pet” doctrines, i.e., promoting calendars, sacred names, polygamy, etc.
        5. Focus more on Jewish traditions, customs, Talmud, mystic rabbinical literature, than the Torah
        6. Claiming to have secret knowledge that no one else has
        7. Claiming they have the only legitimate expression of Netzari or Messianic Judaism
        8. When they frequently refute Biblical prophecies or doctrines in favor of new ones
        9. When they exclude others on the basis of race, ethnicity, genealogy, circumcision, and tribal affiliations within Israel
        10. When one is made to feel guilty, or less than, when they fail to keep certain traditions, even though they have been obedient to the Torah
        11. Unbalanced presentation of the written Torah from the living Torah (Yeshua)
        12. Trying to become indistinguishable from their non-believing orthodox Jewish counterparts
        13. Denial of the Messiah-ship and Deity of Yeshua
        14. Pagan-o-phobia. Falsely and ignorantly believing everything non-Jewish or Hebrew is pagan
        15. Discouraging or denying one to have relationships with family and friends who are not affiliated with the Netzari/Messianic movement
        16. Using guilt and other manipulations to acquire money from followers
        17. Personally attacking ministries and ministers instead of the doctrine
        18. If the movement tears people down more than it edifies
        19. Pressures followers to wear certain garments, clothes, shoes, robes, and hats outside the Torah
        20. Forcing followers to forfeit worldly goods and personal property
        21. Communal compound living that is not a legal Kibbutz, which cuts off communication to the outside
        22. Promoting hate toward other groups
        23. Focusses more on eschatology and conspiracy theories than the Torah and Yeshua
        24. Claiming that their ministry is a divine manifestation of Biblical personages, i.e., 2 witnesses, etc.
        25. Disorderly worship which bears images of sensuality or animalistic shamanism of ancient or pagan cults
        26. Refusal to answer questions regarding doctrine or Scripture. When confronted…they get angry
        27. Insist upon adherence and acceptance of THEIR interpretation of Scripture.

        Well, I have done more than enough homework on a Saturday. I think I will go out and enjoy the rest of the day with my sons. May the God of peace be with you – C.J.

      • Wow! I’ve never made a list before but that about sums it up! 🙂 You have been busy today I see. Good for you. 🙂

  73. Carol:

    I have been reading a little about the Netzarim and it looks like there is a polygamous movement that has arisen within? Apparently, there is a movement to restore the true church by true Israelites, etc. Now, where have I heard that before? Below is a letter from a Netzarim leader. Please read.


    YOu are my friend and like a brother that is why I gave you some information. I dont’ need permission from man I have it from YHWH.

    The woman’s name is Salmah, not married, single, 25, ex-Muslim, she had explicit dreams of seeing me in her bedroom holding her hands, then she saw me in her room as I am inside her body.. There were other dreams but don’t challenge me because I walk closely to YHWH and He has shown His will. I know you are Mr Skeptic but I am Mr Yes Sir to YHWH.

    Not married yet but will be shortly in September. Clearly I am not registering this marriage but it will be a marriage performed by a Rabbi in the eyes of YHWH. Yes she is a believer just like me and had come to faith 2 yrs ago.

    YHWH explicity told me how is not important. Now I then prayed to YHWH to send visions and dreams to the person’s family because I am not going to tell people I want to marry you.

    He sent explicit dreams to the girls’s aunt, mum and the girl herself. Three separate witnesses. I still love Aaliyah and will always do, she is my wife and that will not change. This is my number two and I will keep trying to bring Aaliyah back even it takes me my whole life. I have already told Aaliyah there is no such thing as divorce, we are married forever not for a season. I know she is unhappy Walid but she is fighting agaist the will of the Father.

    He loves her and wants her to reproduce but how can that happen if she won’t even talk to me.

    Shalom Shalom (peace peace)

    Blessings in Yahushua
    L’Chaim B’Yahushua (Life in Yah/YHWH He is salvation)
    Rav Simon

    • Hi, Carol:

      After reading some more, it looks like Rav Simon isn’t the only Netzarim leader wanting a plural marriage. In the case of Rav Simon above, he is married to Aaliyah who has left him because of his wandering eyes (in the name of YHWH, of course). He is telling Aaliyah there is no such thing as divorce, yada, yada, yada, but he will soon be pleasuring Salmah in his marital bed.

      If you ask me, this guy sounds like the second coming of Joseph Smith, Jr. – multiple sex slaves (wives), Israelite angle, God speaks to him, he is restoring the true church, has 3 witnesses, etc.

      What do you think of all of this?

      • I’m thinking that I don’t want to drink his kool-aid. haha 🙂 There is a sect out there who call themselves “Nazarenes” or “The Church of the Nazarenes” and this is not what I follow at all! They’ve got some Kabbalah mixed in with their beliefs and I totally reject it. Plural marriages are not what YHVH intended. Something I noticed though…..he’s assuming that these “three witnesses” are from God but they are really counterfeits of Satan. Satan seeks to elevate himself, to be like God and therefore BE God. He can make false signs and wonders – just look at the story of Pharaoh and his sages performing their tricks. God will never confirm that which He has forbidden. God will never tell a person to do something that He has commanded against because He cannot go against Himself. That person is deceived and is following his own way instead of The Way. The Messianic and Hebrew Roots camp have their problems too. While being closely related to what we (hubby and I) practice, they tend to follow Rabbinical teachings and have other unbiblical doctrines. Not all, but some. What we do is read the bible and allow the Holy Spirit to teach us. We have discussions on Sabbath and apply whatever is applicable to our lives. We look at themes and we learn so much. In fact, today, Sabbath, we got a better understanding into Yeshua’s miracles and how our trust is always present before Yeshua performs a miracle. Also that those who don’t trust want a “sign” first (like the Pharisees and Saducees) before they believe or trust. I’m thinking of posting on it – not sure because I’m not a writer and have a difficult time conveying my thoughts to paper. (or the screen) I got off topic there for a second. So no, I don’t follow what this man is teaching. I think he’s following his flesh and listening to demonic spirits and has Kabbalistic leanings.

  74. Something else C.J. Sledgehammer, I wanted to applaud you for asking me what I thought about what you wrote, instead of assuming that I believed as they do. After all, it wouldn’t have been unreasonable for you to assume that I believed as they do because we both carry the same name of “Nazarene.” But you didn’t do that – you did not assume anything but instead asked which is very wise on your part. 🙂

  75. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that if your husband beats you, God wants you to separate, not divorce, but just keep this permanent separation and never have the opportunity to be in a marriage with a loving, Christian man who understands the Godly way to treat a spouse. If you’re telling people this, it’s irresponsible. There have been many women and children who have been beaten or worse because some preacher told the for better or worse meant your spouse was free to kill you. Any Bible scholar saying these things has obviously never been on the receiving end of that no d of abuse.

    Furthermore, while I agree to some extent that we need to approach changing our marriage by changing ourselves, when you are with a physical abuser, you do EVERYTHING for them. You try to cook and clean and dress and do everything in such a way that your abusive spouse will hopefully not be provoked. You are giving 200 percent, putting yourself last in all things and install not enough.

    Preaching this message in this way only further degrades the abused. You should be ashamed. I just don’t think a loving God looks down on a woman trying everything to give and be perfect to avoid having her face beat in. I guarantee that somewhere, some devout Christian is going to read this and think, “Well, I just need to be more Godly and try harder.” Whatever. She should may be cover her head, too.

    You know nothing about this.

    • Nowhere did anyone say for women to take the abuse. That’s crazy. And “changing yourself ” does not mean to bend over backwards for him. Did you read the post?

  76. I read a lot of what has been posted here, my heart goes out to all I would like to encourage all who have posted here to pray daily for the spouses who have left, pray for them as you would want others to pray for you if you had lost your way. I would like to encourage all to ask Holy Spirit to draw them to our Savior & Lord Jesus, so He can and will be their Savior & Lord and they too can and will have a loving relationship with our heavenly Father
    I divorced my husband I did what many have written about here I cheated on him many times. I was as far away from our Father as any person could ever be . He never left me alone though. By His grace we were reconciled and remarried, it took two willing servants to do that though. We never would of been able on our own He empowered my husband by His marvelous grace to forgive me and of course I had to forgive him as well By His marvelous grace we love one another, we honor Him and the covenant with Him and the covenant of marriage Before we remarried our heavenly Father spoke two words to me that He said I needed to understand “Divine & Covenant” , 16 years now since I rededicated my life to Him, and He is ever teaching about those two words
    praying for His grace & love for all today
    Love to all here

  77. What if you did not want divorce and you prayed for 6 months for God to purify husband’s heart and divorced happened anyway? I truly did not want divorce.

    • I was on my knees for 6 months praying for my wayward spouse and my divorce happened anyway as well. I did not want divorce. It was final two months ago and I still want to work on the relationship but she has moved on with someone else. By God’s grace and strength, I will be faithful to Him and to my ex. I will pray for her to return to her first love of Jesus Christ and leave the rest in God’s hands. As it says in Proverbs, Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your OWN understanding… Trusting God’s provision and plan.

  78. My wife moved out 15 months ago and divorce she initiated is in the process of being finalized after 29 years. I’ve tried to reconcile but she won’t have it. The key is realizing the mistakes you made and initiating change in yourself. My faith has grown and I’m trusting God will change my wife’s heart, I can’t do it. We also can’t put a time limit on God, He has a plan and knows what is best for us. Marriage is a covenant created by God and we need to stand in obedience to Him, regardless of what our spouses choose to do.

  79. Wow, this article was powerful and covered every topic in the heart of the “believing spouse in waiting.” I am separated from my spouse due to emotional turn physical abuse incident. I struggled with the right to divorce and remarry. It was revealed to me by God and studying His word that I am to honor my marriage regardless of what my living spouse chooses to do. God told me in 3 simple words: “KEEP YOUR VOWS!” I am believing for God’s best in my situation and I am joyful in the Lord and know that God will hold my spouse accountable for his actions. I pray for my spouse to get it right with the Lord, and either way, I trust God to reward me for my faithfulness to Him and my husband. With God’s help, I pray for all of us that we do not grow weary in well doing for if you faint not, you will reap a harvest!!!!

  80. Wow! This was a perfect response to my discontentment. I finally was able to see what God is asking of me as well as see my own obedience to him regardless of my spouses actions. Many people questioned why I stay in my marriage if I’m mistreated, And my reply was always obedience to God to honor his covenant.

    The analogy to the fruit we bear was right on point. Everything starts with creation and the seed has to be planted, catch root and grow. The Bible says that you will know by the fruit. Who we are can either produce Godly fruit or worldly fruit. Im rooted in Jesus so my obedience is good fruit.

    That’s good teaching and Thank you!!!

    God bless.

  81. I have been married 2 yrs this August. I have been dealing with a cheating wife since literally the beginning of the marriage. I was widowed previously so this is my second marriage. My wife now no longer calls, answers, or corresponds with me. She did send me a facebook friend request a couple of months ago. Only the friend request and no communications. She has a famous singer boyfriend, I believe at this point, based on a couple of her facebook photos but I have no knowledge of any specifics.
    I never cheated on her and I have not been with anyone else since we have been married. I pray daily for reconciliation. I felt like God did not care about my marriage. I felt the marriage I have with my wife is insignificant to God. Even worse, I felt I am insignificant to God also. I do not want to get a divorce. My wife has not admitted any infidelity. I felt keeping the faith, that my marriage will reconcile, was destroying me mentally. I started to become hopeless from 2 years of waiting. I feel that divorce is wrong. I am living in pain and I wanted relief or directions to peace. THANK YOU! This post saved my life and my walk with God! This is exactly what I needed to read. I am so happy I found this post. Now I can continue my walk and life with God in faith, peace and serenity.

    May God Bless you and all who are here…

  82. I was standing for my marriage for almost a year. I decided I am better than this. It takes a lot to stand for your marriage. The innocent person is usually the one who is left hurt and standing. I know God hate divorce. But the reality is God is not going to heal every broken marriage. Did God ask you to stand for your marriage? I knew God wanted me to stand for my marriage and I took on the task. Later on I made a decision to move on. If God is going to restore my marriage i should not have to put my life on hold while my husband enjoy life. It takes two to make a marriage work. Standing is not for everyone. I encourage those seeking reconciliation to make sure it is God’s will. If it is God will he will give you the strength. I had the strength but I decided I did not want anyone who does not value me or love me. That’s my view on the whole issue. If my husband decide to come back I will give our marriage a second chance. But I refuse to sit around like a desperate housewife waiting for my unfaithful husband to come home. My husband is God’s responsibility not mine.

  83. What about situations where a husband has divorcedhis wife, against her will?

    I was not unfaithful and I dont think he was either. He just left while i wasnt home…he divorced me..has not spoken a word to me since the day BEFORE he left. (Over two years ago). God has not responded with a single “yes” to any prayer I have asked regarding my spouse. I want restoration.

    • My wife left in March of last year with our 15-year old son after a very rough 3-year period in our marriage after I had an emotional affair and checked out. She filed in January and final was in June. She is/was unwilling to talk with me and nothing I can do but let God have her. I made a commitment “till death do us part” and will remain obedient to God, faithful to her, regardless of her choice to walk away from 29 years.

      • I am truly sorry to hear…I just remarried after 19 years. Now my new husband, supposably Christian (after less than 2 months) is having an emotional affair with a neighbor he knew before me and every night he lights our marriage candles and stand naked for her to see. I am suppose to go to bed (in the same room) so he can get his (peace) while he does this. He texts her constantly; buys her gifts; gives her money – even when I am taking out payday loans to get us food and gas – but he says she is his guardian angel; basically, if I don’t like it…he said I can leave and am not a good Christian to understand he is helping someone as Christ says we should. But this is different…really. And I have tried to understand and be patient…but in my heart and soul, this is wrong. None of this happened until several weeks after our marriage.
        He says he loves me but loves her because she was there when some bad situations occurred a few years ago at the apartment complex; he says she stood up for him.
        Now, he texts her everyday…he used to text me but now he never does…he says she does not create issues like me…for example, I did get upset he gave her money, gifts and not me; he tells her everything going on in his life; I don’t even know where he is…ever. Additionally he stands naked at the window across from her so she can see and tells me to go to bed (in the same room) but not say anything. He says I am insecure and if I am patient, this may pass.
        He says he loves me and does not want to divorce…but he trusts her more than me because I have gotten upset when these things started up which scares him, as well as I have had abuse in my past…he says I am chemically imbalanced along with past abuse so I have too many flaws he cannot deal with. I have had medical diagnosis, inclusive of chemical issues…I do not have a chemical imbalance. I showed him…but he says they need to evaluate me when I am upset at what is going on. I don’t even know what to say about that…
        I have gone through therapy, etc. before and have dealt with all that…but he says it is just a part of me and he should not have to pay the consequences… he is not…,
        He says he knows he has problems in his head about this (there was also another woman he fantasized about) but now he does not think of her and if I just be quiet, he will eventually not want this other person either.
        I used to believe he loved me and as we all have issues or problems…but now he treats me as the ‘enemy’. My Christian friends say it is the evil one…yes, I believe that is true.
        But does my Heavenly Father want me to endure this day after day…night after night?
        I want to go home…to God.

      • Press into Him, don’t leave, let your husband make the move. It’s hard, I know, but you must learn to love him unconditionally and pray for his conviction. My wife always claimed her faith was stronger than mine, even after she left, and I so much want to ask her where her faith is now. I continue to pray for her and remain faithful. There is no OM and I know God gave her as a gift, so no one else for me. There is little communication, even though she and our son live less than a mile away. I see no changes and miss her every day.

        I hope you connect with a group for marriage restoration and be strong in the Lord..

  84. This post is very informative and makes some very good points, but I am still confused as to what is the best thing for me to do in my situation and still obey God. It sounds like I am supposed to stay, but I honestly don’t know how that will be possible at this point. I’ve been married for 9 years and we have 4 young children together. Throughout my marriage my husband has been abusive to me physically, verbally, and emotionally sometimes in front of our children. He even had to do some jail time because of it and we had a child protective services case due to it as well. He has cheated on me numerous times with several different women and when I was in the service stationed in another state he got the neighbor pregnant and I didn’t find out about it until I got off from active duty and moved back to where I am from. He just pays the court ordered child support for that child which is only $48 for the month and has absoluately no contact at all. He never saw his child and hadn’t told his family either. He doesn’t help me with the 4 children we have at all and he doesn’t contribute anything or money to the household. I have to pay all of the bills and do everything by myself. I don’t know what he does with his money when he gets paid but he always asks me for money too. He comes and goes as he pleases and often times doesn’t come home until the next day. My children are growing up and I don’t want them to think that this is an example of how things are supposed to be and to remember mommy always being sad, unhappy and bitter. What am I supposed to do? I am working on repairing my relationship with the Lord and I want to honor HIM.

    • Work on your relationship with God, seek His protection and He will provide. Pray for your husband’s salvation and let God go after him.

  85. I don’t believe god is real anymore. I would only believe in a loving god that don’t make mistakes. God is not real yes i lost my faith i have read a lot of the bible and seems to me it’s all a lie you can knock forever the door will never open you can ask for anything in the name of Jesus but you will never receive nothing praying is a waste of time they will never get answered.

  86. My name is Maria, but its not my full name, My husband Justin he went to his home town on 13th October 2015 after 7 years and now he fully changed he talks very rude and whatever i say he takes in wrongly he talks to his family, relatives, friends hours and if I say something he tells me that he needs freedom and happiness and he is not happy with me and wants to leave as soon as his family calls him, he is a nice person though we had small fights we used to get along in hours or in a day, now they have changed him fully they dont want him to leave with me so he says lies to them that he is living with his friends, please pray for me to the Almighty God that my Justin should not change no matter what comes he should not change no other women or girl to be in his life and no other relationship should break us, for his sake i left my whole family brothers and sister and i dont talk to anybody as he was not liking anybody from my family, i came far away from them i have even insulted them for his sake but not from my heart, its ok i know they will forgive me and understand. My husband Justin please he should not leave me at any cost, no other relationship or girls should enter his shadow i know his parents will force to get marry to other beautiful girls but i want my God to help me and him not to get into any such relationships, all are telling him to go to abroad but please i know he will change completely. I had lived with him more than 10 years but the way he talks we went through so many ups and downs and he I did not conceive second child becoz he was not interested. But now I ask the God to help me to conceive atleast when any such things happens I want to keep the child in his rememberance and live. Please God all I ask my Justin in 2005 & 2006 he used to kneel and pray to mother mary to unite us not to be separated but now if I say that he says that time he was young and did not know what life is.

    Please God you can change so many disasters please help me all I ask is my Justin should accept me as I am and to love me and stay with us and not betray us. I want to live with my Justin rest of my life no matter how much he changes God should help him to accept me and no other relation should interfere in our life now or ever .

    • Maria. I am just seeing this. I am sure things would have worked out between you and Justin. I understand your plight and you are so loving and true. People have issues and we are humans . Things happen. Justin might have been going through a lot at that particular time in his life. Pray and fast unto the Lord to help you. You are married to him already and God doesn’t like people scattering other people’s marriages. Tell God what He said about marriage and bring the people involved to God. He will sort things out for you.But if Justin leaves the bible says let him leave , God will give you grace and peace. Look up unto Him. He will calm the storm. Justin will forever miss you if he leaves.

  87. Even for us Single good men it really hurts to be alone all the time when we really are hoping to meet a good woman to share our life with, especially when God said that man should Not be alone which i will certainly agree 100 percent.

      • Huahgirl, we shall not take the grief of someone silly. Most of the issues crop up or misbehaving happens as a result of misunderstandings, also the couple has never identified how lovable his /her partner is in order to open up fully with utmost consideration and love! May God bless every couple.

  88. Hosea 2:6-7. Pray it o we your husband every night.,also look up rejoice marriage ministries on line. Charlyn and Bob steinkamps testimony is amazing!

  89. What if my spouse is extremely intolerable in her words and actions; because of her untruthful nature, hypocrisy, adamancy, ignorance, arrogance, her ability to convince untruth to others against me like betraying me and unjustifiable demands ; except that she never commits adultery? I was told by many to pray for her so that we will live together for ever! I didn’t it, however as time goes situation worsens, now we are separated and my faith shatters. Divorce proceedings initiated.

    • Hello XYZ,

      I knew of someone who described his wife very similar to your description. He was hurt, confused, and ready to divorce. But before divorcing, he decided to research her behavior and dig deep into what she was doing. Long story made short, it turned out that she had a sex addiction. The lies, erratic behavior, cheating, was all due to all what comes with the addiction. She went to a therapist who specializes in SA and they are doing well now, MUCH better. Not sure if you already initiated your divorce, but something to think about.

      Good Luck!

      I found this site when I was going through my marital issue. I wrote a book which discusses much of what people go through and why. You can check out the link at http://www.colored-water.com

  90. What if the spouse divorces you against your will and for NO Biblical reason? I want restoration, he doesn’t.

    • Not much you can do there, Cort. It is a VERY tough situation to be in—probably the toughest any person could ever be in.

      I found this site when I was going through my marital issue. I wrote a book which discusses much of what people go through and why. You can check out the link at http://www.colored-water.com

      Good luck. Keep praying. God does hear and most importantly, answers prayer.

  91. My huoband filed for a divorce behind my back. He blindsided me. I’m crushed. I do not want a divorce. He is adamant about it though. I’ve been praying for God’s divine intervention in my marriage. I love my husband, he claims this is not what he wanted to do(???)

  92. my marriage is almost falling apart my husband and his have stopped talking to me and I’m all on my own praying and fasting for God to revive my marriage I don’t know where this is going for past 3 months my life has become a living hell I lost my baby my visa to stay with my husband got rejected and I had to come back to my parents and now he is having an affair with 19 year old girl and he is 38 n m here completely on my own with no clue as to where he is what he is doing please I request you to pray for my relationship that may God restore the lost love in my husbands heart and may he take me back please brothers and sisters in Christ I request you to please pray for me. My wedding anniversary is next month and we will be completing 4 years of our marriage.

    I had never expected such a behavior him as he always told me that I’m the only women in his life and he will never cheat on me ever, after i send me 100 of emails he replies to one and the last one he had sent me was that pray to God whats his will for us not mine or yours but his will be done as we are his children.

    I am praying every second of my life now for my marriage to be restored and I have my faith in my Lord that he will change everything. But there is so much pressure from family and others that i’m almost at the point of braking down.

    Please help me as I don’t really know what should I do next.

  93. I wish you all the best happiness. God is good! I’m going through a similar situation. My husband is gone now for a month, filed for divorce, he has closed me out of his life completely, I am devastated, but I put my faith in God, for he is the only way! Amen.

  94. I am the former wife that commited adultry, repented decades ago and believe God’s will is to restore my marriage. We both accepted the Lord when married. The enemy used temptation and i fell…it has been almost thirty years, he remarried 16 yrs ago and now has been separated or divorced (not sure) for 2 1/2 yrs. He has not been walking with the Lord since i divorced him. He did not want the divorce those many years ago and we did get back together twice. We have now been separated by many states, children grown, and have not spoken in over 20 yrs. He is still etched in my heart, no matter how much time passes he is still very present in my heart. Years ago for a birthday gift he restored my greatgrandfathers bible for me, gave me
    A pic of jesus hands “come unto me” and a card (which i still have) handwritten by him saying “my prayer is our marriage will be restored some day.” the desire never leaves me, it’s just “there”

  95. My husband and I were always arguing and fighting because, in his mind, there is always someone better! We have been separated a few times, with him ending up in a strip club or with whores. This last split happened in August, 2015. I did go to the strip club where he was sitting and lusting on a stripper. I believe the LORD led me there, because I had a dream similar to what took place. He did not come after me when I left the club, he stayed. I am 53 and he is 75. I tried to be a good wife and make a home for us. He has never apologized for any of the wrong he has done to me. I am not innocent, though. This last time, we have both relocated to different states. I believe he has moved on with some female. I have not been in an affair since our marriage. I am very broken because I do not know what to do. He was answering my calls until I asked him to divorce me. He told me not to call him anymore, and has blocked my number on his phone. I guess he is happy. In the mean time, I am struggling in every aspect of my life. I did the best that I could with a passive aggressive narcissis. People tell me to just go on and get the divorce from him. They tell me that there is no hope and that he will never return. I am hoping that FATHER will draw him unto himself. I want to go on with my life. I am being faithful and I am struggling with some strongholds. Please pray for us.

    • Desi. I feel your pain. I too have suffered at the hands of a narcissist. I never understood or knew about this personality disorder. I waited 20 years for my ex to get out of prison. He said we would
      serve the Lord and he was a Christian and talks in tongues. He then came back and up and left behind my back to his homestate to leave with his narcissist mother who he is obsessed with.
      He then divorced me without asking me. My ex husband has changed his cell phone # I cannot call or write him as his mother screens all calls and letters. People also tell me to move and that I am free from all this abuse and bondage. No hope as he said the Christian life is too hard for him to and
      to live up to. I have been a devoted and faithful wife all these years.
      I read about narcissim it said they can only be believers but not live the Christian life as the
      cannot humble themselves its all about self. When they have this character disorder it is
      ingrained. I don’t even know who he is anymore. Lies about everything.
      Yes, I know God is God of impossible but he has had tons of chances to change and live for
      Christ. It leaves me hanging not knowing what to do. I am getting older 65 he is only 50.
      He and his mother said I am too old for him.
      Its different if there is some kind of communication to talk and reconcile. But he has cut
      me and his daughter off also. Plays mind games with her also. I feel stuck as I want to move on but want to do God’s will and stand for the covenant of marriage.

      • Yvonne,

        You will hear all sorts of differing opinions during your stand, some from people who barely know you, and some from people who love you and care for you. Your decision has to be firm. This is not an easy path you are on. You are living the most painful experience known to man. But God promises to be there with you. He promises to ease the pain, though you will experience severe pain. Keep praying and trusting in Him saying, “He is able to restore my marriage, but even if He does not, I will not knowingly disobey my God.” He will take care of you. I promise you that.

        I found this site when I was going through my marital issue. I wrote a book which discusses much of what people go through and why. You can check out the link at http://www.colored-water.com

    • So sorry to hear about your situation, Desi. As I have said on this thread, what you are going through is single-handedly the most painful situation any human can go through. Believe that God is near you. He promises in His word that He is near to the broken hearted.

      In my opinion, I would not divorce him. It does nothing for you. If anything, he’ll divorce you when he is ready.

      I found this site when I was going through my marital issue. I wrote a book which discusses much of what people go through and why. You can check out the link at http://www.colored-water.com. My prayers are with you.

  96. God does permit divorce for sexual adultery. Jesus even confirms this. Your article is incorrect.

  97. Well even God Can’t help a Good man like me that really wanted to meet a Good woman to have a family with since there are so many Career women nowadays that are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and so very Money Hungry too which makes it a real Challenge for many others just like me that wanted to be all settled down by now since many of us are really Not Single by choice. Quite a Change in the women of today Unfortunately compared to Most of the Good old fashioned women of years ago that were Never like that at all. Born at a very Bad Time for many of us men.

    • Exactly! But the time of the truthful people will come, as it is said.. God will discipline. Those hypocritical life partners will be humbled by God through incidents, nevertheless how much they are outstanding in convincing the world, their untruthfulness is truth. If you have happened to marry a life partner like this, prayer is the only option. Rest, God will do! I’m witnessing the transition of my partner, as God promised.

  98. Thank you so much for writing this, whoever you are. I came upon this site by Google searching some hard questions that it was admittedly silly of me to Google search (we’ve all probably done this, though) and it really answered some tough questions I’ve been wrestling with. It answered them in a way that leaves me without doubt, and confident that I’m aligning myself with God in this matter.

    It’s a long story.

    My wife and I met when we were only teenagers, in a youth group. I was early in recovery from chemical dependency, and had been recently put in touch with a charismatic leader who operated as sort of a co-youth pastor in the group. The guy turned out to be an abusive, narcissistic con man, but it took us five years and a lot of pain before we really came to accept this and left the group. By then, I had been completely brainwashed, basically. I’d gotten my eyes off of Jesus, and had come to view this guy as a necessary mediator between Him and myself.

    This is essentially what we were trained to do, and it didn’t happen overnight, but…I mean, I once watched a movie that was a re-creation of the Waco, TX Branch Davidian cult fiasco that was put together by survivors who had escaped the cult prior to the ATF siege in 1993, and I could only watch it for like 30 seconds at a time because it was just the exact same thing. The guy would basically yell at us for three hours at a time, “preaching” that, if we were really Christians, then we would (fill in the blank, etc.)

    Anyways, we ended up leaving after having been lied to, swindled, and abused in just about every way for way longer than should have been necessary.

    The abuse had seeped into our relationship, though, and sown seeds of strife and contempt that…well, it went from bad to worse. I relapsed in despair, shortly after our final falling out with the youth leader, and I ended up being drunk there for the better part of a decade. To my shame, as this went on, my wife was slowly letting go and giving up. I ended up going into rehab and getting my act together, but only in a superficial way. Too much had happened, and I was unwilling to actually commit myself to serving God ever again. On some level, I think I felt certain that it would only lead to more weirdness and pain.

    My wife ended up leaving two years ago.

    She has taken up with a pseudo-Christian/New Age-ish women’s Bible study (all divorced women, led by a divorced woman who takes extreme liberties with Biblical interpretation — much like the group we were involved with back then, only in the opposite theological direction.) She has been working on me for the past six months or so to sign divorce papers, and she has confessed to having feelings for another man.

    As painful as it has been, this is simply what it took to get all the way down to the very root of everything that I have been running to to find solace and reprieve outside of God. As much of a living death as it has been…something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy…without this experience, I would never have been able to let go of those idols and remember my first Love.

    Now, though, in the midst of it all, I find myself asking the question, “What should I do?”
    And I must say, I believe that my question has been answered.

    Just about literally everyone I know has been telling me this entire time, “God wants to restore your marriage. Just hold on and trust Him. He knows what he’s doing.” But the wisdom of the world has been pulling at me. “You have to be realistic. Just let her move on, and you move on, too. God doesn’t expect you to wait forever.” Meanwhile, God’s spirit testifies with my spirit that He never gave up on me, and that I shouldn’t give up on her.

    I believe that God has used your article to speak some much needed hope into my situation, and for that I thank you very, very much. Whoever you are.

    • Benwolf, Wow! You have been through some stuff! I’m so glad you got out of that cult. That’s scary stuff. I’m also glad you found your answer. I’m also sorry to hear about your wife and the new-agey stuff.
      After many years of listening/following different “teachers,” my husband and I have come to the conclusion that the best thing to do is just read our bibles and let the Holy Spirit teach us because man will usually be off on something. In fact the only time I’ve gotten confused is when I listened to man. Besides, Yeshua (Jesus) tells us that we have the Holy Spirit to teach us so we have no use for man. I have found this to be absolutely true! There is more on this subject of divorce and God’s will that is not covered in the article. If you would like to talk further on this, then go to the Contact menu and send me an email. Thanks for stopping by and God bless you!!!

  99. Hello carol. I totally agree with most of what you said and your posts are inspiring but even though divorce is against Gods will, there is a reason to divorce. GOD knows the sorrows of our heart and he wants us to live at peace so if there is a cheating partner and the faithful partner continues to wait for years for that partner to stop his or her act of infidelity and reunite together but they dont, remember that Jesus clearly states that you can divorce your partner for sexual immorality. In this case the innocent partner is not sinning because Jesus gives this command. If one partner is emotionally abusive etc, divorce is not an option. Except again if your life is threatend by them and they are physically abusive. God doesnt want anyone to remain in a physically busive relatioship either because such relationship does not depict the character of God in any way and it is not his desire for his children to be abused and threatened.

    We also have to consider that not every marriage is joined together by God. Some people joined themselseves together unto marriage by disobeying God when their spouse wasnt right for them, especially if one spouse is an unbeliever. The appostle paul says we must not put them away but if they leave we are no longer bound them.

    We know divorce is not Gods will but please stop telling persons that they should not divorce their sexully immoral spouse because Jesus said we can divorce them for that cause. Do you know how awful adultry is? It is giving to someone else what belongs to your spouse and for that to be on going is almost unbearable by the receiving partner even for believers. It is really up to the faithful partner to wait for the departed spouse if they can withstand that act.

    If the partner comes back, accept him or her with grace, if not and you cant take the pain anymore, keep trusting in God for everything, Divorce , forgive him or her for all they have done and move on. God will heal your broken heart and maybe some day send a better husband or wife into ur life.. regardless if you get married again or not, u will be better off without someone cheating on you constantly than spending the rest of your life in misery when God doesnt intend that for you.. For God has called us to peace.

  100. Nowhere in Scripture does it say God does not recognize any marriage besides the first. Nowhere in Scripture does it say one is still married if they get divorced. A divorce is always caused by sin and hard-heartedness, but the divorce itself is not always sin. By telling people God “says” to reconcile to your spouse or remain unmarried, IF there was adultery or abandonment (ongoing and unrepentant), you are putting people into bondage. You are requiring more of people than even JESUS Himself. There are LOTS of Godly teachings, sermons, and articles that approach the topic of divorce and remarriage with tons of truth and tons of grace. God hates divorce, but He never forbids remarriage! We are never to divorce for “any” reason, that is sin. But if our spouse runs off, abandons us, and/or finds another person to be with, we are free – not bound, as Paul says. We have GOT to stop adding more to Scripture than what is actually there. Jesus came to fulfill the law, not add to it. This is legalism, which is a ploy from satan to trap us in our guilt, shame, and our past. I fought in the spiritual realm for over a year, and my husband is getting his divorce. Will I be praying for him? YES! For the rest of my life. Will I be open to reconciliation? YES! Will God bless a second marriage? YES! I was abandoned and persecuted for wanting my marriage. I am NOT BOUND. By God’s grace, I am free of my past failures. God knows my heart, and He knows the hell I’ve walked through, all the while praying that He would be glorified somehow in this mess. I was legalistic for a while, but as I prayed for TRUTH, God gave it to me! There is FREEDOM in Christ – YES, even from our unbelieving, unrepentant spouses who have abandoned us and cheated on us. I did not seek a divorce, I prayed against it every day, I still do! I’m heartbroken over how many people live in bondage because people claim God doesn’t recognize divorce. YES HE DOES AND THAT IS WHY HE HATES IT!!!!

    • Thank you, Cassie, for your reply. As I continue in my walk in learning and growing, I have changed my mind on some things and this issue of remarriage is one of them. I too believe as you do. The bible speaks of remarriage in regards to the husband’s death but doesn’t actually give any other circumstances, which is why I went by exactly what was written. But I also know that God is all about being freed from bondage in all its forms – not just from sins. God is also a just God and would not expect the abandoned to remain bound to their spouse even after they have moved on. I’m not speaking of divorce because that’s a different subject – just remarriage. This can be a confusing subject and I’m not saying I’ve got a lock on this. I have changed my views a little according to my understanding but as always, I encourage everyone to study for themselves and pray always. Thanks again for stopping by and for your comment. 🙂

      • I apologize for seeming worked up. Reading my comment back, it doesn’t read the way I intended it to. It just makes me crazy how satan gets a grip on people who loves Jesus and want to bring Him glory, with legalistic stuff that is not there. I used to have horrible anxiety, thinking I had no choice but to wait and pray for my husband to return. But he never did. It became a burden to be a Christian, to think I was doomed to hell for wanting to be a wife. That is not the character of God. I will never encourage someone to divorce; I cannot do that. It must be approached with prayer, and lots of it. God gave me peace about my impending divorce, and it did not come quickly. I begged for over a year. And God didn’t withhold peace or give peace because of anything I did. He worked on me, made me a new creature, and gave me peace when it was His timing. He is so good and so just. His heart breaks when our hearts break. Depending on which side of the marriage one is on, the divorce is not always sin. Remarriage is not always sin. However, we do need to keep our hearts soft, as God can change our (ex) spouse’s hearts in an instant. I am so thankful to be a daughter of the King. I have a bright future, not because of anything I did or could ever do, but because God is a loving and gracious God. He makes all things new!

      • Greetings in Christ,

        I would like to tell you all my story if you would permit me, so that the Holy Spirit could lead us in all truth regarding my situation.

        I have been married to my husband for only 17 months. During our courtship we both professed to be followers of Christ, and that we would follow the word of God in our marriage and abide in Him.

        He is my first husband, I am his second wife. His first wife carried on adulterous affairs throughout their 5 year marriage which produced two children. She then filed for divorce and remarried shortly after the divorce was final.

        I did not live with my husband until after we were married, and it was then that things began to reveal themselves fully. As a new bride I was often going to bed alone because my Husband would lay with his children until they fell asleep each night. He also did not set a lot of boundaries with his kids. He admitted to me that he would rather his kids be happy then come down too hard as a disciplinarian because they had endured so much through their parents divorce.

        This caused a lot of conflict with us and one month after marrying he was already threatening divorce.

        Our short marriage had a great deal of verbal abuse (him first then eventually me) and escalated to the point where he would throw things in anger, occasionally breaking household items. He would tell me on a weekly basis that he regretted marrying me, that we weren’t right for one another, that we were just incompatible and should divorce, and that he just wanted to be with his kids and not be a husband.

        I basically felt (and still feel) that I was deceived in this marriage and he never really meant his vows nor intended to actually be a husband.

        One day the verbal abuse came to a head with an extreme blow up from him when I was trying to help him, and I decided to leave, feeling I was at the end of my role mentally. I felt like if I endured much more I was going to harm myself or have a nervous breakdown.

        The day after I left he moved his children into our marital bedroom and a week later took off his ring. We have been separated now for just over 3 months and every time I have approached him about reconciliation he says that he is absolutely sure he does not want to be with me, he has no desire to work towards reconciliation, he is happy to no longer be with me, his life has gotten so much better… etc. I have asked to come home and he has refused to allow me back.

        He says that he hates marriage. That if people would just live together and not be married there would be a lot less problems in the world.

        His own mother told me a few weeks ago how self centered he is and has always been. I wish she had told me that before we had gotten married.

        As far as I know, he has not been with anyone else sexually, but we have been separated for 3 months so he easily could have. He says he will be filing for divorce soon.

        I have been in constant prayer these past few months. I have not felt God lead me to stand for restoration of my marriage. But I could just be not hearing Him well. I think I have cried gallons of tears for my marriage. I have truly come to the end of myself. I have never known such grief.

        I guess what I am struggling with at this point is starting first off:

        1.) Is my marriage even a legitimate one since I am my husbands second wife?

        2.) Since I have no proof that my husband has had an affair, am I bound to him and never allowed to remarry in the Lord even after this divorce is finalized? I am not intitiating this divorce, nor do I want it.

        3.) My husband professes to be a Christian, and it’s not my place to judge his salvation. But seeing how he is not heeding the Word of God is it possible he is not saved and I would not be bound to him due to what Paul says about letting the unbeliever depart?

        I know it may seem like I am just looking for reasons to be released from this marriage. All I can say is for the first 7 weeks of this separation I was constantly in prayer for restoration. I was sobbing everyday and could hardly function. I felt myself sinking into a deep depression. I would have (and still will) do anything I felt the Lord was asking me to do. Whether that be waiting on my husband, or remaining single forever. I think the turning point for me was when I realized praying for restoration had sort of become an idol in itself. And maybe the Lord, is His infinite mercy actually brought me out of that marriage for a reason because of what it was doing to me, my identity, and my faith.

        Ultimately… all I want to do is the Lord’s will. And that’s why I decided to tell you folks my story. To see what my Godly brothers and sisters would have to say, I really would love some guidance and I’m sure many of you are more seasoned in the scriptures than I.

      • That verse in Mark 10:9 ‘..what God has joined together, let no man separate.’ This is what I think…God joins some marriages and some marriages He does not. Sometimes we join ourselves in the flesh, or for fleshly reasons and not spiritual. Either way, I believe God recognizes all marriages because He is the Author of that institution. It’s just that when we join ourselves in the flesh, or are yoked with an unbeliever, we are in for a hard life which Paul speaks about. Whether your husband has had an affair or not, if he wants a divorce, Paul says to give it to him – to let him go. That’s got nothing to do with your motivations because you are not initiating it. Now if you initiated the divorce, then the only acceptable reason according to scripture is infidelity but again, you are not initiating it. This is not your desire but his.
        Yes, we cannot judge unto salvation however, we CAN know them by their fruits. We act according to one master or Master and your husband is not exhibiting any fruits of the Holy Spirit. In fact it’s the opposite – very worldly and fleshly. I can say with confidence that right now, he is NOT a believer and if he wants a divorce, then you are not bound by such a man. By him wanting a divorce, he is giving up his headship meaning he no longer has any authority over you, he is not your protector, your provider, your lover, your comforter, your shelter etc. Do these words sound familiar? Our earthly marriages are supposed to be a picture of our relationship with our Husband & Father in Heaven. He, God is our Provider, Comforter, Shelter and Shield, He loves us, is our Protector etc. Since your earthly husband has left you, then tell God you want Him to be these things for you. He’s much better at it and He loves you with a pure and holy love and will never forsake you like man can. 🙂

      • Thank you so much for your awesome reply Carol. I wasn’t expecting that, I have been expecting people to tell me that I’m bound to him no matter what.

        It breaks my heart so much because his heart is just so hard. Not once has he expressed remorse, regret or sadness over what has happened to our marriage. I truly feel like he never loved me at all. And to never be able to be a wife again, because I’m bound to a man who wouldn’t care if I lived or died makes my heart sick.

        But I would do whatever I felt the Lord was leading me to. I really believe and hope I would.

        I just feel like I am wired to be a wife and a mommy and it was the Lord himself who designed me this way. I plan to take plenty of time grieving the loss of my marriage before I consider remarriage though. And I am keeping the front porch light on (so to speak) if the Lord works a miracle in my husbands heart and he decided he wanted our marriage to work. And I also know the Lord is more than enough, and I may never remarry. And I need to be content in that. The physical loneliness just gets hard sometimes.

        Anyways, God Bless you and your heart for Jesus and your thirst for the word and commitment to seeking the Truth.

  101. No need to apologize Cassie. I could see from your comment that you had been deeply hurt in the past. Believe me, I too have my ‘hot buttons’ due to my past experience. 🙂 What I’ve noticed is that Satan uses our love of truth against us and being legalistic is one way. I gets lots of emails from readers who’s husbands or wives have left them, been gone for several years, are seeing someone else or even remarried and the other person is STILL waiting for them and remaining faithful to them even though they are no longer joined with that person. I don’t believe God wants this plus it doesn’t make sense. If a your husband, who WAS your head, is another person’s head, then you are no longer under him.

    I am so glad that the Lord delivered you out of that anxiety because that is bondage. Satan wants to take away our joy in the Lord for many reasons and in your case, it could lead to a lack of trust in the Lord, growing cold towards Him, not giving Him thanks and praise etc. but you are freed from that. 🙂 And when we wait on Him and His timing, we show our submission, our humility, we show that we know our place which is under His feet and when we trust Him in this way, this pleases Him and we will be blessed. I haven’t gone through exactly what you have gone through but I’ve learned this same lesson but in a different way and circumstance. I can see that the things you’ve learned, you didn’t learn from church. You learned by experience and by God dealing with you directly which is a hard but wonderful way to learn. This is the kind of lesson that will never leave you nor will you forget. God has blessed you immensely by revealing Himself to you through your trials. Situations like yours, where you’ve gone through a difficult time and He has changed your heart and caused you to better understand His ways, really gives me joy because I know it’s real and from Him. Your praise comes from a place of pain and hurt, maybe even anger but you have been delivered from it and it makes your praise and thankfulness truly mean something. You know what it is to be in a pit, so to speak, and be taken out it by God’s hand. How wonderful!!! 🙂 If you ever want to talk further, just hit the Contact button on the menu and send me an email and we can speak more freely.

    Many blessings to you Cassie. May the Lord continue to watch over you, give you peace, joy, strength, and anything else your heart desires according to His will.

  102. Please pray for God to reveal His WILL for my marriage which is over a decade old. My wife has been consistently adulterous, unrepentant, arrogant, deceptive, lying and destroying our children morally and spiritually and always wish my downfall throughout our marriage. We are separated at this moment after she arrogantly and maliciously moved out of our home with our children. I have hoped throughout the years, due to our children, that my wife will change though she grown worst. But I need to know the will of God on whether or not I should continue in this marriage. Please pray for me for God to reveal his will to me ASAP. Thanks

    • Hello K, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. As for His will, I think the verse reference is in the post but if the unbeliever wants to leave and divorce, the let them. You cannot force someone against their will to stay, just like God will never force us to follow Him against our will. Satan has her ensnared and she doesn’t even know it. She needs prayer. As for you, continue in your walk with the Lord, praying and casting your cares and concerns on Him. I know it doesn’t seem like it but if you put your focus on Him, instead of your situation, He will begin to heal your heart.

  103. Hello I just found this thing a minute ago. Unfortunately I am in the same boat as a lot of people on here. My wife told me earlier this year she wanted out of the marriage. No infidelity was involved. Long story short she was saying the marriage was too stressful and hurting her health.
    I have admitted to her freely as well as others my faults and have prayed for a while for God to help me with them. So I am by no means saying it was all her fault for stress in the marriage. Temper and mouth at times were problems for me. She could be irritable too though and sometimes I felt for no good reason (but we are two different people!).
    She wanted it and I did not, wholeheartedly did not. I filed papers and even then STILL wholeheartedly did NOT want it and even told her so. I only filed papers to drop her off some insurance. That was the only reason I filed.
    I do know that if I sinned in filing God has already forgiven me for that because I realized afterward I could have filed for separation and wanted to work to save the marriage.
    I have my own beliefs on what can end a marriage and I have come to my own conclusions after a great deal of study on the issue. I know some here would disagree so I am not trying to start a discussion on that issue.
    I have been on a sort of rollercoaster with this thing. I tried dating but that was extremely short-lived as I was frankly tormented by talking to another woman. I know she has tried it as well. I do not know if she has a boyfriend or not or anything at this point.
    I do know that God will not force her to change her mind and she is going to do whatever she is determined to do.
    We have not spoken in months. I have decided it is best to trust God with it and try hard as it is to leave it be.
    The burden is not as bad as it was in the beginning but I still war within myself.
    Honestly one of the biggest temptations is sexual related. I would be a person who would be considered “better to marry than to burn” so I have had to struggle abstaining from forming a new relationship. My desire to honor God is I think stronger…but it seems the fight gets old at times.
    I have been faithful to my vows and wish to remain so even if people think I am crazy for doing so.
    If she however breaks her vows by being in a relationship then that would be different. As I said I know there are differences of opinion about that but I do believe this is what God would have me believe.
    I choose to honor my vows in the meantime because I wish to be able to have that when I face Christ at the Bema Judgement.

  104. Hi, my name is margarita Osorio. I am a believer in God. But my husband(Juan Martin Landeros- Cruz is not. I have been praying that God restore our marriage. He has cheated on me and gave me 3 STD and one of them is herpes. It’s a long story of our lives. And this is my 2nd marriage and I really don’t want to get another divorce. I love my husband and I want God to work In his life so that we both can be a Godly cupole that server God. So I ask wht can I do so that my husband can be saved and our marriage can me save as well. Juan gas a Facebook that has nothing but females and when I ask him about it he said it was not his Facebook but I know better.. I know God wants to restore our marriage.. But I don’t know wht to look for when God is talking I have been praying alot but I see no answer.

    • Hi Maggy, sad to see the situation you are going through now. There are 2 things in general we can do:
      1. Do whatever we can do.
      2. Leave the rest to God, as only God can change untruthful pretending partners, if that is the case.

      As the STDs are concerned, now bith of you look for solutions to cure them.

      When taking your concern of seeing female friends in his facebook profile, try to understand who your husband really is… Why is he having so much female friends. What is he benefitting from them? If he is seeking something (love, consideration, sex, respect etc. Even men deserves and expects these.) from them, that you can give and you fail to give,? Then it is your task to satisfy him. Try to see if he loves you. If he is not, check is it because of any of your behaviors that make you unapproachable for him and not lovable. If so, you got to correct yourself.

      If you see he is committing adultery, then there are 2 choices: Make him understand that you are aware of adultery, but still you love him and expecting his return. If he wants to live with you, then love him and pray for him. However praying not always answered, because God cannot do much more because it is someone’s free will whether to walk in correct or wrong path. If your husband says, he is not interested in you and does not want to live with you, perform a serious discussion about divorce. If he can’t change his attitude, go for divorce. By this I’m not encouraging divorce; but sometimes divorce is the only solution no matter God is seeing everything. I’m also a divorcee, now going to marry another girl. I know it is not easy to forget good memories, but sometimes we have to. What even God can do if man is not willing to correct himself?

      • So in other words your saying God can’t change him. And I am battling a lost soul. I can’t see my self giving up on him like that. I feel that God is gonn a change his ways

      • Hi Maggy,
        I was also going through almost same agony for last 3 years, but divorced her for some other causes. I too prayed for her transformation and even after divorce, trusted God like Abraham. But still I know nothing happened. Some gifted priests told me even if she comes back she cannot make a good wife! Finally my prayer was not answered. I gave enough time for God to change her. Means, it was not possible even for God to change her due to her dishonesty and hypocrisy, by wisely escaping from situations God gave her to make a comeback and purposely defaming innocent people who were made instruments by God, for her transformation.

        I would recommend to consult gifted people, may be a gifted priest or a nun or a brother or a sister (THEY SHOULD BE REALLY GIFTED, not fake. They can identify the truth and intentions in someone else’s mind, the real cause of problems, they can advise too and get things solved) to identify the real issue your husband is having, or see anything you have to change.

        Such genuine people can really guide you by saying whether to wait and pray.

        If you like to have a gifted priest, in India over phone, just send me an email to louis_200x@yahoo.co.in


      • Hi hellblazer,
        And there is no cure for the STD I gave it’s for life .. So there for even if I wanted a divorce and move on with my life I can’t couse of the STD. But I reallky believe God us gonn a change my nobeleiven husband heart.

    • Maggi, If you like to talk to the gifted priest I sought for help, in India over phone, just send me an email to louis_200x@yahoo.co.in.

      The priest is an old humble man. He is not expecting anything in return. He is glad to help everyone every way he can. Don’t hesitate to contact him. You can contact him over phone and mention your issue in a minute or two, once I give you his contact number and timings he is available. He may ask some questions if required. Simply answer them. Don’t waste time. Drop me an email to the above mentioned email id. I will reply with details. I can’t post his number here.

      Good luck,

  105. This was a very article. My wife divorced me about 10 years ago. I waited for her for about 7 years and then started dating again. Once I started dating she wanted me back and we started our journey back to re-marriage. However, the reason she wanted me back was not of the spirit. And once I came back I was living in the flesh. Not as an adulterer, but as an alcoholic. Again, she left me. Today I have been sober for almost 9 months. I am not working on her. In fact, she does not communicate with at all. I just allow God to work on me. However, I pray everyday that we would both seek the Lord first. Then I pray for the restoration of our marriage. One of the excuses my ex uses to justify our divorce is that God probably never recognized our union in the first place because we were not acting like believers and broke some of our vows (accept neither of us cheated on the other) . My question is: Does not God recognize our union if we were both believers when we got married and if we said our vows before God?

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