8 comments on “Seeking His Face – A Personal Conviction

  1. Carol,
    What a powerful post! I appreciate your honesty and self examination. The key thing is that you didn’t stay in the self pity mire and continue to focus on it. You started to examine how you could change things…and yes I believe it was the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) that led you in your remembrance of PA and the time you spent with Yahveh. You may not feel like you have much to offer etc, but with the heart and the attitude you have, God will take that and mold you more and more into the image of His Son, Yeshua and the Light you walk in will grow brighter and brighter. One day you will look back and realize how many lives you have touched and affected for His glory. It is a rare thing it seems, to have a heart that is open to Yahveh’s rebuke, correction, and direction. There are times when He seems so silent to me and I pray, “Oh Lord! Please something! Rebuke me, or correct me!” And that’s not a joke either. I love when He guides me back onto the narrow path if I’ve been tripping over the weeds on the side of the road.

    I’m reminded of Jeremiah 29:12-13 “Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”


    • Thank you for your reply Nathaniel. I don’t usually get down like that. In fact, hubby said it was the first time he’d ever seen me like that. I think maybe I was supposed to go through that so Yahweh could not only reveal to me the reason why I had no clear direction, but to remind me of what I once had. I miss that closeness I had with Him. I’ve made half-hearted attempts to get that back in the past but now that I got hit with this whammy, I won’t settle for doing things half way anymore.

      I forgot to mention in my post that for the last few days, I’ve had this strong desire to study my Hebrew again. I had put it aside for awhile and I’m not sure why. (I’m sure it was a stupid reason) So I’m going to be doing that again.

      When I was close to Yahweh during that year, I can honestly say He wasn’t silent. In fact He spoke to me so often, I documented everything in notebooks so I wouldn’t forget anything. And when you have that kind of consistent dialogue going, it’s like He’s there just like a tangible person would be. He was more real to me. Things aren’t like that now. I mean He throws me a bone here and there but it’s not nearly the same. (the measure-for-measure principle) You may wonder how could I let something like that slip away? Easy…Entertainment, Distractions, Lack of discipline, and Complacency. But not anymore! I’m done playing games!

  2. I must say I had to laugh a little when I read ” I thought about how there is no one that I could help or bring a smile to their face somehow.” How true it is that we can feel that way, but it is only because we do not realize the impact that we have had on another’s life. You have been such an encouragement to me just in the short time since I’ve “met” you…. there have been many a smiles on my face from your comments and insight.

    I do understand the conviction of needing to walk in what He has already commanded before He will give you more…. I’m still working on that one! I was just saying to someone today that walking in Torah alone isn’t going to work Yahveh’s nature in you, but it is a step because you are showing obedience to Him. I mean how many more things does He have for us, but we are barely making baby steps and those things are running a marathon? Praise Yahveh that He who began a good work in us will perfect it until the day of Messiah Yeshua (Phil 1:6), and He is so faithful to show us what areas need work..lol!

    • Thank you for your kind words Annie. And what a winning smile you have! 🙂
      Your one comment got me thinking….where you said “Walking in Torah alone isn’t going to work Yahveh’s nature in you, but it’s a step because you are showing obedience to Him.”

      I think this is where I’m at. I’m already Torah observant but I see that I’m lacking severely in my commitment to Him. I have this strong desire to DO something but first I must get right with Him. Everything in its order right? 🙂

  3. Carol, I’m sure that you already know this, but sometimes it’s good to be reminded:

    38 Now as they were traveling along, (Yeshua) entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at (Yeshua’s) feet, listening to His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Adon, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” 41 But (Yeshua) answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; 42 but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

    You have been given a great blessing, the ability to choose the best, necessary part. Shalom

  4. I appreciate your post. This past Sabbath found a strange funk in our home as well. Sometimes it happens and we either choose to fight the evil inclination or succumb to it. This has been part of an ongoing wrestling match I’ve been having with several ‘strongholds’ in my life all my life. I truly believe that I’m gaining the upper hand as I grow stronger but some days I’m just too tired to put up a fight. *sigh*
    I envy your year alone with the Father. 🙂 I remember times in my life where I’ve had what seems to be a closer walk or a sweeter time of fellowship, and you’re right – life gets in the way. As part of my wrestling I’m daily fighting the battle for balance and resisting the evil inclination. Some days I am stronger than others, but balance is critical!!
    I appreciate your encouragement in your post. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Hello Lisa and thank you for stopping by. I know what you mean about the fighting. It’s so easy to just give in because after all, giving requires no action from us – just Inaction. What I do is pray it – pray about everything! Ask Yahweh to give you that strength to hold fast His Word. Pray for more zeal to do His will. Pray that He prepare you and your family spiritually for Shabbat in order to glorify Him.
    As far as the year alone – I envy that too because I don’t have it yet. I have severely altered what I do in a day and spend a lot more time with Him and I do feel closer to HIm, but not like I did before. And I think I know the reason why. This computer. I didn’t have a computer back then. Plus I’m married and so my attention is divided when he’s home. Now for you, is it possible that you and your family get together and spend time with the Father? (if you don’t already that is) I believe spending personal time with Him is essential but maybe all of you could do this as a group as well?

    • Yes, our family spends all Sabbath together studying the Scriptures (Torah, Prophets and Gospels) and as of late another family has begun to join us. As a family we also lead a Torah Club group with 9 other families. We’re also studying Mussar as a family so we do nightly readings together as we strive to refine our spiritual character traits. We’re having so much fun!! And I love that we have done this as a family for so many years. Young adult children are no less of a blessing than younger children. 🙂
      Yes, my daily prayers have grown longer but that’s getting to the point where I’m spending a lot of time in prayer so that I’m neglecting my morning Bible reading because by the time I’m finished with my prayers, the phone is ringing and the UPS driver is here and family members need my time and attention. I suppose I just need to get up earlier… I just hunger and thirst so much for a closer walk with Hashem that it grieves my heart to not have the time and then to have distractions throughout the day when I *know* I should be doing something different. One thing I’ve noticed is that the more time I spend, the more the evil inclination rises up. Or maybe I’m just noticing it more now than before. Either way, the “old man” still fights for control and it’s a daily battle to resist. I’m just glad I am aware of the battle!!! There was a time when I wasn’t and then there was a very long time when I wasn’t aware enough…

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