60 comments on “Restoring Your Marriage Addendum

  1. Pingback: If God Hates Divorce, Then Why Doesn’t He Restore My Marriage? | Boldly Proclaiming Christ

  2. Thank you for this revelation…of praying for my spouse to return to God and not me!!!! This is so powerful.

    • I agree! This has truly been helpful!

      My husband and I have been married for 10 years and been together for 13. My husband was a GOD fearing man but ever since he was blessed with this new position he has changed for the worse. My husband has been having a affair with a 20 year old for the past 9 months and he has left me and his children 2 weeks ago because he says his heart is with her and he no longer is in love with me. He has left me no choice but to divorce him because he refuses to work on his marriage and doesn’t care to try! Even though my heart is shattered into a billion pieces, I am a firm believer that GOD is in control and the devil is a liar. I will not give satan the power to destroy all that GOD has blessed me with and this has truly helped me reevaluate how I pray. However, I have found a awesome site its called faithandmarriageministries.org which has prayers that should be memorized and used often when seeking restoration in marriages. I am going to start today. Be steadfast in faith and trust and believe that GOD can do anything!

      • Heather,
        I know exactly how you feel . the same thing happeed to me with my husband . We were married for 11 years together for 13 years. He opened a nightclub and to say the least all “HELL” broke loose. He became someone I didnt and still dont know. He has a cockiness and arrogance about himself that makes me feel or felt as if I had no rights or privileges to my own own husband. He became almost untouchable standing on a high pedestal that the nightclub goers set him high upon and my daughter and I just “didnt fit” anymore. He began publicly dating someone and everyone saw him with this person on a daily weekly basis… even accompanying him to business meetings. When I got fed up wen he wasnt coming home I put his things out and that was his chance he filed for divorce 52 days later. He had me served the day before Thanksgiving and said im upset because he woke up after 13 years of being with me. He stopped paying bills which resulted in the reposession of my vehicle and his both on my credit and he didnt flinch or care about any of it. He went and purchased him a foreign vehicle the next two weeks and didnt care about the way our daughter or I made it to work and school. He has been sleeping around now im not sure as to if the new girlfriend is still in the picture. I am really trying to move on and get in a helathy relationship with GOD. Its hard because I saw none of it coming. We were bad but we were not at our worse. I dont know what to proay for or how to pray. I do love my husband and want my marriage but I dont want to be married to THIS man and be in this MARRIAGE i often think if God wants a new covenant for us both.

      • Do NOT divorce him (unless he files &, per your State, you cannot stop it) . If YOU file, you ARE giving in to satan. As painful as this is, please be careful that you don’t give satan an inch. He will use those closest to you to do his work to sway you from the narrow road.

  3. HEATHER, I’m not understanding why you feel the need to file for divorce – let NO MAN put assunder (that means us, judges, states, countries, etc.). You stand on YOUR covenant marriage vows! TO BOTH WOMEN, PRAY for your your Husbands’ salvation first & foremost. When they are saved, rededicated (depending on if you believe in a once-saved-always-saved faith), they will become the NEW MAN; the OLD MAN will PASS AWAY. They are currently being led by satan, the father of ALL LIES. he’s led them to believe that a new life would be better. When God restores them to Himself & you, your Husbands will NOT be the men you see today. None of our spouses are the people we fell in love with. God will make them even better than the best they were before satan got hold of them. satan is using those other women as pawns. You must pray for them, too. Again, once they (the women) come to the Lord (sincerely & surrendering themselves to God), they will no longer desire to be in unGodly relationships. Not to hijack a post, but please also look into REJOICEMINISTRIES.ORG & we have several closed/private Facebook groups for CHRISTIANS standing for their marriages. It is NOT about changing our spouses, but changing ourselves while unceasingly praying for our spouses, families, & marriages. This is NOT an easy calling from God (it can be very heartwrenching at times), but it is an amazing, wonderful walk with Him & to Him. Be encouraged. You are NOT alone!!!!!

  4. I am the offending spouse. I had a problem with lust and still battle with it. I had a fantasies about other women but could hear God telling me to stop. I would pray to God to forgive me and move onto what ever. Thinking about my wife or something that happened during the day. The problem was that the fantasies were frequent. I eventually developed an attraction to a woman I worked with and lusted over her. I could not bring myself to pursue it because I didn’t want to harm my wife or children with an affair. I never ever was with anyone else. I never physically cheated on my wife but I know that in God’s eyes its the same.

    My wife found some things on the computer related to this women and asked me about it but I lied to her and just made up some story.

    We (more specifically, I) were having problems for a few years. She approached me to find out what was going on with me. She knew something was making me miserable. It wasn’t her. I was and still am totally in love with her. I just could never open up to her and be truthful to her about the lust addiction that I suffered with.

    This past January it all came out in an argument. The night before that argument I kept hearing our pastors voice in my head. It was his sermon on broken families. The word lust came out of his mouth and that word just repeated over and over in my head. Well…when we had the argument mention above, she said she new there was something else. I blurted out that there was. I told her I had struggled with lust. Up to this point I had told her that I had self esteem issues (which I do, I have major issues with self-loathing) and that she made me feel inadequate. When I told her about the fantasies and lust, it blew her away and rightfully so.

    She felt betrayed by me and was finished with me. There has been no looking back for her. It is over, she will never forgive me or trust me again.

    Move forward 5 months; we are now divorced and her heart hasn’t changed. The Lord has convicted me and I have repented to Him and to her but I have also selfishly asked God to save the marriage. I now understand this could be why he hasn’t done anything to this point to save our marriage. I have been praying that God will fill the void in both of our hearts that we can’t fill for each other and that God will be first in my life. I am also praying that God will draw her closer to him first. I have hope that the Lord will heal, restore and transform our family and marriage but I feel the hope starting to fade and am beginning to wonder if it is the Lord’s will to save the marriage. It is discouraging to know that between my wife and I we have prayed for at least 2 years for this marriage and God never answered a single prayer. I ofter wonder where He is or if he even is listening or if I even deserve the marriage.

    • First, God bless you for being transparent; I know that takes a lot of God-empowered strength & can be painful. Second, God IS answering prayers. You may not even realize it. God’s Will IS to restore marriages; it’s in His Word. God is changing you – you speak about repenting, facing your addictions (which, btw, are only the outward symptoms that satan is using so the real issues aren’t faced). However, from your own testimony above, you ARE facing them…… your self-esteem issue. That’s HUGE that you are willing to acknowledge it. By doing that, you are robbing satan from his power to use it against you – AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!!! While God is working on you, believe BELIEVE that He is working on your Wife, whether YOU see it or not. Please go to rejoiceministries.org Charlyne & her Hubby (now deceased) have mentored Christians for nearly 20 years on how to stand for marriage restoration GOD’s way & ONLY God’s way. I’m blessed to attend the monthly bible study in FL, but her internet mentoring is AMAZING. God has led these folks to teach & edify 100s/1000s of us WORLDWIDE. God IS working & answering. It is NOT selfish to want your marriage restored – you ARE 1-flesh with your Wife (God says so) AND you, your Wife AND God are the 3 strands of a LIFELONG covenant – NOT contract. So, you continue to uphold your strand because God is upholding His – just as the writer of this blog stated!!!!!

    • Dear Barry , I share an almost identical past. I’ve been divorced 7 years now. I often talk to Jesus the way u do. Or it least I did. When I was going through the worst, I prayed constantly for god to reveal my husbands heart to me. ( I had a sexless marriage of 22 years) right from the start… I was married at 19. Loving him dearly but knowing there was so much missing in our marriage, esp . God, it. Took me a minute to realize god HAD reveled My husbands heart to me. It simply Wasn’t the answer I wanted. We must b ready to accept the answer HE gives us, if we feel there has been no answer, wait on The Lord . Easier said than done, I know, because I sometimes question if I deserve a 2nd chance at being a vitreous wife again. The anwser is yes. He is a god all about 2nd chances. Without them Where would our testimony be? While waiting also remember ISiah. 43:18-19. 🙂 Read it. I. Know it will help. Love in Christ , Stacy

  5. My husband and I have been married for 26 years. I found out after we were married that he is a sexual addict and has an attachment disorder. He had his first affair 8 years into our marriage which we worked through and I forgave him and he said he would never do it again. I found out last October that he was having two affairs overlapping one another – one with his boss (affair lasted 4 years) and another with a woman who lives three hours away. He discontinued the affair with his boss last December and now wants to marry this other woman. I kicked him out of the house about eight weeks ago. He wants a divorce to marry this other woman and I told him I would not divorce him. However, he is pushing the issue and I can’t stop a divorce. My adult children will no longer talk to their dad while he is with this other woman. My husband is blaming me for telling our children about his affairs and says that it is my fault that our children will never speak to him again. My husband, who once loved God but has always struggled with lust, is so very far away from God. I have been working on my own relationship with God and drawing more intimate with Him for that is all I have left. I am praying first and foremost that my husband will work through the traumatic issues of his childhood that became a catalyst in his addiction and that he will turn his face towards God and seek healing. I am praying that he will hit “rock bottom” and have nothing left but God. I am praying for a restored husband that desires our marriage to be restored. I have decided that I will never divorce my husband even if it means that I am alone for the rest of my life. My identity is not in a husband but in the God that I serve. However, if my husband files for divorce, sadly, I cannot stop him.

    • 1 Corin 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

  6. What of a supposed believing husband who has already divorced me after 20 years of marriage? I am still devastated. We were best friends and I could only see us growing old together. My heart is broken yet I still believe God can restore what the worm has destroyed and eaten away. It has been 6 years since the divorce that he persued. Am I being ridiculous for my contined prayer for restoration? We havn’t seen or heard from him in all these years. I believe that God truly is all I need and He has shown His faithfulness to us in my husband’s absence. Thank you for a response and God bless all those who are hurting here.

    • Hello Cora,
      I can’t speak for God but what I can say is that He wishes above everything else is for us to be restored to Him first. To put our own wants and desires aside because they are of the flesh and will pass away. He wants us to focus on that which is Spiritual and eternal. After all, our earthly marriages were only meant to be a picture, an example of us, the bride, being joined to our Husband, Yeshua. Our earthly marriages are not the real thing but only a shadow of what is real and that is our marriage to our Husband in Heaven.

      This is how I see it…your ex-husband does not want to be with you but Yeshua, your TRUE Husband, does. No human being on earth can love you and care for you with a perfect love that we cannot fathom but God. There is no man or woman on the planet that knows you through and through and loves you anyway except God. And He promises He will never leave you or forsake you, unlike our earthly husbands/wives. So why would you pine for six years for the fleshly temporal things when you already have the Spiritual and eternal? Besides, He might have someone for you who is truly Spiritually minded but He wants you to “seek Him first.” Don’t worry about your ex, focus on God now while you still have breath, then He will bless you as He sees fit.

      Thank you for stopping by. 🙂

  7. What happens when your husband you have been praying for remarries and you still love him and believe you should still be married is this wronge thinking or do I still tell my sister to believe that God will return him home what is right. She believes that God showed her him returning this seems messed up to me I want to believe with her but my heart says no.

    • God will not override someone’s choice because He loves us enough to let us make that choice – be it right or wrong. So God will not break up a marriage in order to re-establish the first one because that would be considered adultery. (although some people disagree but that’s what the bible says)

      “Suppose a man marries a woman and consummates the marriage but later finds her displeasing, because he has found her offensive in some respect. He writes her a divorce document, gives it to her and sends her away from his house. She leaves his house, goes and becomes another man’s wife; but the second husband dislikes her and writes her a get, gives it to her and sends her away from his house; or the second husband whom she married dies. In such a case her first husband, who sent her away, may not take her again as his wife, because she is now defiled. It would be detestable to Adonai, and you are not to bring about sin in the land Adonai your God is giving you as your inheritance.” Deut. 24:1-4

      Now this would be a reverse scenario for your sister – he married her, married another, so if he divorced her he couldn’t return back to your sister. That’s how I understand it. I urge you to pray about this. But as it stands now, her ex-husband has a new covenant with a new wife. If your sister is a follower of Jesus, then my suggestion is for her to focus on Him and let Him deal with everything else. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

      • The original Greek word used in the scriptures stood for fornication, not adultery. Fornication is when NEITHER party has a LIVING spouse. There is nowhere in scripture where it says God dissolves a lifetime covenant. God divorced Israel, who was a harlot with all its other gods, then GOD TOOK HER BACK!!!!!! “Divorce” in & of itself is a forgivable sin. That being said, once divorced (for ANY reason) BOTH parties are to reconcile or remain celibate & honor their covenant UNTIL death – God is STILL holding up His end even when Husband and/or Wife are not. COVENANT (agreement that stands until the death of a party, REGARDLESS of whether the parties are performing as agreed upon) is NOT “contract” which is broken when one party does not perform as contracted to. Also, since God doesn’t dissolve covenant marriages, NEITHER party is ever free/available to marry anyone else. Therefore, a legal joining to another person, other than the 1st Husband or Wife is adultery, it is SIN. It is a MANMADE law, so “in this world”, it’s looked on as legal…To stay in that marriage is CONTINUED SIN. To legally undo this legal joining to another is REPENTING from that sin – asking for forgiveness & LEAVING the sin. It is NOT committing further sin. Ex: Gay marriage is LEGAL “in” this world, NOT in God’s world. In God’s world, IT IS SIN. To legally undo this sin is repentance. To stay in that sin is continued sin. Deut is OT & written for the people of that day when men were trying to divorce wives as a convenience & then going back to the orig wife when the new relationship didn’t work out. Then they’d do it all over again, repeatedly to the original COVENANT Wife. MAN had to create a law to stop this from happening, since divorce in those days meant a woman was left with no way to really take care of herself financially. Even Jesus said, when approached about divorce, was that is NOT how it was from the beginning. Any “legal joining” to another when the COVENANT (FIRST) spouse is alive is ADULTERY. God has NEVER sanctioned a divorce in order to allow joining to another. It may be necessary to let “that” marriage die in order that God may RESURRECT an even better marriage out of the ashes, for that couple.

      • Hello PJ, Thank you for your comment. I’m not going to get too deep into this except to say that the Yeshua was able to take Israel back because He died, thus fulfilling the requirement or law. Also, of course divorce was never what God intended but a lot of things changed after the fall and these issues are addressed in the bible. Divorce is permissible but not good. I agree that He would never sanction a divorce to bring together another.

        How many times have we heard someone say that they divorced their husband or wife because “God found someone better for them?” Or that “it’s God’s will?” That is not biblical.

      • Covenant is NOT contract….. She needs to continue standing for her covenant Husband.

        Praying!!!

      • It absolutely IS a contract. Even today, both parties sign the paper making it legal. And when we divorce, we have to go through LEGAL proceedings. A covenant is a contract or an oath or a vow – same thing.

        She has no husband to stand for because they are divorced. He is no longer her covering. He is no longer her authority but he has authority over another – his NEW wife.

      • Carol, it is a man-made “contract”. It is a Godly “covenant'”. Just because man does something in” his” way, it doesn’t make it God’s way. Gay couples sign marriage “contracts”, but that is NEVER a Godly covenant. Women sign medical contracts for “procedures” called abortions. You won’t find the word “murder” anywhere on those papers, yet that’s what God calls it.

  8. Wow, love this conversation and everyone’s input!
    What have you to say about this?
    I was married, happily so, for 33 yrs, when my husband went to work one day. I got an email from him that afternoon, saying that “I’m not coming home tonight, or any night”. I never saw him again. My best friend, and first ever date when I was 19. He proceeded with the divorce and 9 wks after it was final…he married another woman. OLDER woman too, I might add. He totally shut me out….as well as his adult daughter. For the first 6 months he was gone, I didn’t even know where he was. I was devastated. Yes, we are Believers. And it pains me so that the world got a hold of Gods creation (our marriage) and destroyed it. He’s been gone over 6 yrs now, and has been remarried for over 4 yrs. He is the new wife’s FIFTH husband! There is no contact.
    There is a part of me that wants, and does, cling to our Father, knowing He is God and all-powerful, and to wait for the healing of my husband, the end of his new marriage, and his homecoming. Part of me, says…as does my pastor….”It’s over, he’s gone, you’re divorced….move on.” I’m sure many of you have heard these words yourselves. Still…..I know who my God is and what He can do. If He wants to. So….the question is: to stand or not to stand for his spiritual healing, and homecoming. I have battled with this for 6 yrs now. There are no men in my life, it’s as if God has placed a protective hedge about me or something. So its not like there’s ‘competition’ for my attention. It all belongs to the Father and I seek His will, not mine. I just want to be obedient to Him! But….which way is being obedient? Waiting? or…..moving on? If anyone has insights into the Biblical aspect of this mess, I’d surely appreciate it. Blessings to you all…..standers, and non-standers. We are living in a world of broken-hearts and there is only One who can heal us. Praise the Name of Jesus!
    Barb

  9. My husband returned to his country, the republic of Georgia. Basically, I was abandoned. Oh the pain. I thought about revenge, divorce, meeting someone else. But I have not done this. God has brought me into closer fellowship with himself and what a glorious time this has been. Im being restored to him and transformed by him.
    I would encourage anyone in a marital crisis to not run to court or lawyers, and not run to the arms of another. Run to God.
    Also, if anyone can help me pray for my husbands salvation, please pray. His name is George.

  10. DO YOU STAND OR MOVE ON!!!

    I am a christian my ex was not one and still is not one. He have divorce me and within one year of the divorce remarry we have a kid together do I move on our stand belivieing God because all things are possible with God

  11. My husband and I will be married for years and march and have been separated for three. We have a about to be three year old and was separated since he was six weeks old. He became unfaithful to me after two months of marriage after he backslid because of drug addiction and cocaine. I id not know this at the time. He lost his job and began selling drugs and brought it into our home and I had to make a stand for Christ and was three months pregnant. I told him to get the drugs out of our house and began to verbally abuse me and slandered my name and told his family that I was after money and argued a lot. HI told him that I would pay the bills until he found a job. I just wanted him to work or go get his GED. He did not hear and just wanted to sell drugs. He then ran to his relatives because he never properly cleaved and is an dependent adult and always twisted lies and told his family a perverted truth. He began having an public affair with women and had one with one woman on his job about as long as we been married. She got pregnant and he claimed the child with no dna test. he deserted me and our son financially, and emotionally, and physically. He even physically assaulted me twice. I have not slept with him since July after he gave me gonorrhea when I left and moved to another city to protect me from his abuse. My son and I have lived in a domestic abuse shelter and a homeless shelter when we transitioned to the new city. He did nothing to help us and I lost cars, houses, furniture, a positive relationship with in-laws because of his lack of his lies. I had a real job experience. God told me that He is my ordained husband and sent prophets to confirm to me that He is the one and that it is Satan and that my husband fell prey to the enemy. I have been fighting for my marriage and make stands with him in the process. I fast for him and confess God’s word over it and have been faithful to him and God so far. god tells me not to date and to wait on Him and he will restore our marriage. My husband wants to start over and give our marriage another try but wants to divorce. I believe that we can start over without one and told him that I will not divorce him. He says He believes that I’m the one and told me that he’s sorry that he hurt me. I am praying daily for his salvation and fast often for him. he not being there for our son like he needs to and I am placing him on child support because he barely does anything or comes to see him.

  12. My husband has been gone almost a year now. He maintains he will never reunite with me. He ignores all of my notes, letters, phone calls and texts.

    We were married 26 years, we had 5 kids and I have prayed until I am blue in the face for God to bring my husband back to himself and then to me.

    Yet, I am still without answer to that prayer.

    The longer he is gone, the worse it is. He is living a single life, I am depressed and struggling.

    Everyone says to move on yet I do not believe The Lord would have me do that but I am tired, living on very little, lonely, heartbroken and scarred from rejection that went on for years already before he left.

    I believe it is not God’s will for divorce but how do I continue to tolerate living in limbo in the face of my husband insisting he will never come back. And yet he is content to wait to file divorce until the last kid turns 18 four years from now?
    I

    • Saint donna face,
      I couldn’t help and reply to you. I’ve known my husband since I was literally in a stroller (no joke). First kiss and everything… in high school we dated other people so it wasn’t like we didn’t experience other “styles”. At the end we were the “ones that God matched together”.

      Married 26 years, 5 kids, a lot of time invested… the years can you look back and see how much of the time you involved God in your marriage there? I’m only asking because I had to do this, I did it and I fell to my knees balling. We both made mistakes, I won’t go in detail for what was done on his end, but for me I was revengeful and bitter. Later on realizing it had nothing to do with my husband. I was fighting a bigger battle than I could handle.

      I was fighting my childhood history, the devil didn’t even have to mess with me anymore because my past was replaying over and over again in my mind. That was torture with in itself. I was/am a single mom with no family around ever and known as the “strong” person that can handle everything. But my husband was the only one who would treat me as if I were fragile like porcelain. It didn’t make any sense, words and actions. I kept saying this isn’t him!!!

      2011 Attempted suicide, that’s when I cried out the most, I said God why won’t you intervene, just like many others praying for the spouse to change. I won’t go into detail on the plan of action; however, God definitely intervened, a picture of my children was dropped and made me cry even more, I was on the kitchen floor already. It is lonely when you are praying alone, that’s when the enemy comes to attack even harder. I ended up getting into a hospital which was btw surrounded by Christians, “go figure”, God is great. That was the first time that I actually heard that my s/p wanted a divorce. I cried even more, in a room safe enough where nurses were right… but truly God is our healer if we only ask, which took me a very long time. That night I heard something in my heart “Be still and know that I’m God”. (I didn’t know how to take that), I had just finished praying about my marriage.

      My s/o was not in the same state anymore, literally, partying, drinking “single life”. Empty life… because it really is empty, do you know why I say this? Because I was a prodigal too. Except, God grabbed my attention much faster, everyone told me to move on. EVERYONE! The nurses, cops, friends, counselors, coworkers, psychiatrists, psychologists, elders, pastors, on on on on. “You’ll find someone better!” Yup, my better, will be when God brings my prodigal husband back as a God fearing man.

      Do you know what my reply was? Either you pray with me or I’ll find someone else to join me in prayer, YOU stand firm in your marriage, get into the word of God. Don’t allow “christian” people tell you what to do, you ask God for guidance. You ask, your pastor, but don’t ask people that are not uplifting, you need supporters not downers. Just because they don’t believe, then maybe they should question their faith not yours. ANYTHING is POSSIBLE with GOD, HE gives us MORE than what we EXPECT

      The point? What God joins no man can separate. God can change a heart of stone into flesh. A virtuous wife is hard to find. You vowed to never cause him no harm.

      My prayers changed from God change him: to God change me into the wife you need me to be for him, God change me to be the mom you need me to be for my children, God change me to be the person you need me to be for your will, (I want to know my purpose in life). I never just wanted to be the wife. Even though I love/loved it. WOW, be careful what you pray for and pray for specific things, always reexamine your heart, never follow your heart but lead it. For the heart will give you deceitful emotions on how you are feeling at that moment.

      As far as your husband saying he doesn’t love you, I recently just went through this. I asked God, Why does he hate me so much? The thing is “We are no longer a part of this world when Christ is within us” If he has not accepted Christ, he hates him, not you. It’s the truth and God doesn’t lie. It’s in the book of John I believe. My husband said he wasn’t in love with me anymore, these are the devils schemes. Lies he’s trying to tell himself so he can continue the unacceptable behavior that he can’t live with.

      I’ve been rejected my entire life, to the degree that I was told that I should have been aborted, a mistake. I didn’t know I had this still in the core of my spirit, I had held onto, until my physical body began declining. Recently, my husband, saw us last in Jan, he couldn’t understand… even my physical appearance he said, my scent, everything. I’ve been praying for change and for the Holy Spirit to take a hold of me, to speak for me. He thought it was an act, when he talked to me on the phone on November, when I saw his family, again he’s across country, everyone still kept saying let him go. I kept saying I’m not. I meant my vows. Covenant are unbreakable, contracts are just “worldly”. We are doing this at the end to save our spouse from the fires of hell. At first yes, I prayed selfish prayers like bring him home! Then it just changed with certain other things happening, I started praying for God to save his soul, I didn’t want him to not be with God. I love my husband so much I would never want that to happen to him.

      You know, you love your husband right? But God loves him more. God is faithful, he will keep his promises, his promises is to make all his children come into repentance. Okay, what about “free will”? Yea, he gives us that too, but the fact that he makes us one in marriage, prayer is powerful. He will give you free will, but he can change situations around him. Pray for you, pray for him, pray for the other woman.

      Oh! About the DIVORCE! He also said he wanted it, so he kept saying and saying, so I’m not saying to do this, because this was before I was straight with God. But I played hard ball, I basically listed every single thing I wanted. The fact that he’s choosing a divorce, he had no choice but to give me what I wanted, he was losing 1/2 of retirement, 75-80% of his pay (due to the lifestyle and children), and I was keeping the car. What I came in the marriage I was going out with. But that was just my separation paperwork LOL!!!!!! Which btw, I would pray he wouldn’t sign anyway, you know what, every time I would ask him if he signed it, he would say oh no, can we talk about negotiating this etc.. but now that I’m walking with God, that was God stopping him. He never signed our separation papers PTL.

      1st. Don’t let him see you miserable.
      2nd Always look top notch no matter where you go, even if it is to the supermarket. (this isn’t for others , this is for you), If you happen to bump into you husband… well, he’ll see that you are not “obsessing” over him.
      3. Pray that God changes you inside and out from the things that God doesn’t want you to have.

      My husband is still across country, we still have not as much conversations as I would LOVE, yet, I know God is working in him. Ask God, to speak to him. Ask God to build a relationship between you and God. Find a support group,make sure you have a church you love going to.. I promise you getting God’s words fed to you is so much more satisfying to your soul.

      I’ll be praying for you, that’s another thing, you’ll end up finding yourself praying for other couples later in your journey instead of being envious.

      • Wow…I don’t know why I never came back to this site until recently…but I had an email, opened the link today and started reading. Then read the comments.
        I came across one that was my exact situation and thought, “I’m going to reply”. That’s when I scrolled back up and saw I had actually posted the comment. Then I saw your reply.
        I’ve just read your entire reply and I appreciate it very much.
        My husband is still on his own. Still insisting he wants that divorce or dissolution in the future. Life has gone on and not many Christians I’ve ever turned to for support have ever advised waiting, praying and remaining faithful to the Lord…I came to that understanding on my own through the Holy Spirit.
        It’s been 2 1/2 years now. It’s still hard at times. I miss him and God has given me a new appreciation for my own walk with Him and my need for Him.
        I’m still praying and will always pray for reconciliation but only in the Lord not in the flesh.
        God is good and He is faithful. I believe in His word and the truth and power of it. He sustains me.
        Thank you for your reply, even if it was more than a year after you posted it that I saw it.
        God bless you sister!

  13. God hates divorce and loves to restore! Give yourself completely to fast/pray for husband’s salvation and conviction. Make God no. 1 in your life and He will do the impossible. My coenant spouse and I have reconciled after 38 yes which is a miracle. Pray against divorce and check out rejoice ministries excellent website and Dr Leslie McFalls website on divorce and remarriage.a

  14. Very good read, it actually helped me alot. Clarifying that it is God that needs to be in the forefront of your marriage at all times, and when troubled waters arise God needs to be the focus even more than before
    Thank you!
    Qui

  15. So, what if your spouse not only left you, but also divorced you. What then? Are you suposed to stay faithful to the spouse that divorced you and went on with their lives. And not want anything to do with your, whatsoever. What are you to do? Is it wrong for you to want to seek out a Godly spouse to merry? Or are you to stay selebent and alone for the rest of your life?

    • We have to study the whole word of God. Some translations e.g. NIV give the idea one can remarry. God hates divorce (Malachi 2) but loves to restore. Genesis 2 vv24 says what God has joined together let no man put asunder. We can break our marriage covenant but God does not. He is a covenant keeping God. He allowed divorce because of the hardness of men’s hearts but ‘…it was not like this from the beginning..’ Romans 7 v2,3 – only death ends a marriage in God’s sight. 1 Corinthians 7 v10,11 – if do divorce stay divorced or try to be reconciled. Adultery is NOT the unforgiveable sin. There has to be forgiveness and reconciliation, as far as possible. Whilst married in God’s sight, we seek His will for our lives until or if He restores our marriage. We should be praying for the restoration of marriage. Check out excellent website rejoice marriage ministries where lots of testimonies of restored marriages. If we love Him we will obey His commandments. I have been divorced 41 years for marriage covenant spouse and God has given me the grace to stay in my situation and blessed me so much with work to do for His kingdom. We have to first seek the kingdom of God and put Him no. 1 in our lives. We cannot remarry whilst our marriage covenant spouse is still alive. Read KJV which gives accurate translation over subject and diligently search ALL scriptures praying how God wants you to deal with your life and situation. Read Hosea and Gomer’s story which gives God’s heart on their marriage!!

  16. Excellent response about marriage permanency and remaining faithful to our covenant even when a spouse doesn’t.

  17. My husband called to tell me I had 30 days to get my things out because he was moving. I moved. He filed for divorce and won’t talk to me. What is my recourse?

  18. My husband and I had been together for 13 years (with kids) he cheated and when I found out, he said he wouldn’t continue to see her, he did. We went to counseling with our pastors, he continued to see her and went public and eventually chose her. I filed divorce. He chose her. Now I feel as though I was wrong to do that. I just don’t see how I could remain married to a man who is with another women. He left us. I have been praying for him constantly to help him be a good father. There is still love for him. I have read the scripture that if the unbelieving party departs let him leave, but does that mean that I must remain solo for the rest of my life. He was in and out of prison most of our marriage. So I have been alone. If someone could just shed some light on this scenerio. Please. God bless.

    • Christina I presume husband is a Christian with you saying you both went for counselling.if you are scripture clearly says do not divorce! 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. No matter what mistake we make God is merciful. Repent and seek God for direction in your life and marriage. Romans 7 v.1-3. No matter what laws of the land even though divorced and you broke your marriage vows, God is a covenant keeping God. Keep praying for reconciliation and repentance for your husband and stand back and let God work. Check out Rejoicemarriage ministries. Great help in these situations. Many marriages being restored every day. Wonderful testimonies. Pray scripture over spouses with their name. Don’t give up as you made vows till death separates. God hears even if just one is praying for the marriage. Read proverbs 6v32, chapter 5, Ephesians 5v 22-33, Hosea 2 1-7. God can move a mountain even the mountain of adultery. Ask Him for specific scriptures to pray over your spouse and ask Him to show you the areas He wants you to change. As you become more the wife God desires you to be your spouse will see the change hopefully and lime Hosea he will desire to return to his marriage covenant spouse. What God had joined together let no man put asunder.

      • To Edwina,

        Thanks for you reply. My ex husband was just starting to come to church even got baptized right before the affair. But it was though he didn’t care, he wanted that lifestyle. People even pastors have told me the Lord will send me someone else I deserve but it just doesn’t feel right. Do I just keep praying? Thank you for the scriptures.

      • Perhaps your husband isn’t truly born again or perhaps he is new Christian who is allowing the carnal desires to control him. We have to remember that we are not fighting against flesh and blood but Satan who takes people captive to his will so its spiritual. DO NOT listen to any pastor or person as many do not know or teach from the word of God. Please just keep reading the word and praying and submitting everything to the Lord. It’s a trial but God is doing a work in all of us.take your eyes odd that situation and on the Lord as He wants to be nu her one in our lives not our marriages or spouses. As we put Him first in everything he will work his purposes and plans out, often not the way we envisaged. Whilst you are waiting and praying God has a plan for your life and wants to use you .I have had to study the subject for over 2 years until I came to the true knowledge of marriage and divorce and because many pastors are in umbilical adulterous remarriages they will not teach rightly from the word. We have to be a good Berean a d search the scripture and if you have a heart for the truth God will reveal it to you. We may not see results or our spouses may not return but we as believers have to stand for our marriages until death and be faithful as God desire. Standing for marriage restoration is standing for our spouses’ souls and their salvation which is the most important,first and foremost. We are one flesh union.

  19. What if I’m already divorced because of both of our harden heart, can God still restore my marriage if I pray and seek the Lord first?

    • God can and does do the impossible. Seek His purpose for your marriage.check rejoicemarriage ministries that has lots of testimonies and devotionals. 1corinthians 7 :10,11. If only you are a Believer and spouse is not I believe God is more interested in the spiritual condition of them. When they get saved God will convict them. From my personal experience it is likely to be disastrous restoring a marriage when unsaved spouse is still unregenerate and no repentance as nothing will have changed. Tgey are still in their sins. Just keep seeking Lord for every step and fast and pray if unsaved especially. God wants marriages built on a godly foundation. Also He often needs to do a work on us first.

  20. Thank you for your post. I HAVE been praying very hard for my spouse to come to the Lord FIRST!!! It’s been a difficult feat since he is with another woman! I know God is more interested in our salvation and I pray my husband does not file for divorce! My heart is breaking and I was ready to file myself since my husband has told me it is over!!! But I came upon your post and realize my trust must be in God alone! I have no prayer partners who agree with me and all say get on with my life! I am all alone in my stand!

    • Your husband may say it’s over BUT God! Remember it is a spiritual battle and Satan hates marriage and is attacking it and the family more than ever. Please check out rejoice marriage ministries from their website. I stumbled across this site 2 years ago and have been greatly blessed and encouraged. Many testimonies, devotionals and help on this subject.. No matter if one is divorced and remarried to a non-covenant spouse and even if there are say children involved, God’s word says there is only one-flesh union, made till death, to the marriage covenant spouse. Even if your husband did divorce you, this is not God’s desire because you are still married in His sight. 1 Corinthians 7 v.10-16. This sounds like your situation where one is saved and the unsaved wishes to end the marriage. You have to let him go if he insists, according to the Word unless he is willing to commit to the marriage. Even in the present situation God can still work as you will see from the many testimonies. He hears our prayers and is working on the other side of the mountain. Prayer and fasting is so important and knowing God’s direction for your marriage. I suggest reading scripture and putting your husband’s name where appropriate. Put God number 1 in your life and let go and let Him work His purposes out. In the meantime, seek His plan while you are standing for restoration. Standing is till death separates. Read Hosea 2 v 5-7, Ephesians 5 v22 – 33. Proverbs 31v10-31. Often we want to change our spouses but God wants to work on us first. Often it’s more about our actions than our words which impact others. I would suggest you ask the Lord if there are any areas that you need to confess where you have failed as a wife ; also keep showing unconditional love, forgiveness and even pray for the other woman. Remember NOTHING is impossible with God. If only spouses could see at the time how damaging divorce is to the innocent children , often remaining with them into adulthood perhaps they would make every effort to work out their problems! I wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently now as a Christian I know God’s word and heart on the matter. I pray other Believers will come alongside you and commit to pray for your marriage. I will pray for you too. I want to encourage you. I have been saved 19 years but only started standing 2 years ago after studying the subject of marriage and divorce. God has used me greatly and continues to do so and He has been my Heavenly husband, provider, protector, lover of my soul – my all-in-all. He has always been faithful and brought me through so much. Jeremiah 29:11 despite your situation God has a wonderful plan for your life. Keep reading the Word and grow close to the Lord. Having been divorced 38 years and re-connecting with my husband proved heart-breaking. I gave a lot of spiritual input, prayed/fasted etc. but God’s plan was not for restoration. It would have been a disaster for many reasons. A few weeks ago he succumbed to his life-threatening illnesses and addiction and died (65). But I realise that we can only plant seeds. Its only God who can save and He knows where he is now. But God has brought me through it and will use it for His honour and glory as He is already doing. Blessings.

  21. I continue to pray but I can tell you, the battle is the pain of rejection. Its been six months for me and its so hard. He left me and the kids. He is “happy” with her. I would ask for prayer but I pray all the time. Anyone have advice on how I can let this go. I work in the church. I am busy with work and my kids. But the pain, it never goes away.

  22. I was reading the comments from you and ones struggling with unfaithfulness in the marriage and divorce. I must of missed something but did you indicated that God would sent someone else for a person to marry if your spouse divorces you and marries another person? I have been married twice and divorced twice and find it difficult to not become enraged when I think about what I went through and still go through. It has been thirty years since the second divorce and it still bothers me. God hates divorce and some people say that you are to marry only once until your spouse passes away and confused with the many different doctrine about divorce/remarriage. What is the truth regarding divorce/remarrige

    • Stephen I have done a lot of research in the scriptures on the subject of divorce and marriage. We have to go back to the beginning Genesis 2:23,24 and look at all the verses. Marriage is a covenant not to be broken. Proverbs 16,17, Romans 7:1-43). Laws of the land can bring in divorce but it was not God’s idea from the beginning, but man’s. God can restore and reconcile and continues to do (see Rejoicemarriageministries) with wonderful testimonies. Hosea 3:1, Jeremiah 3:8, Isaiah 54:6, 1 cor 7:11.
      Scripture interprets scripture and I found it simple and easy once I got hold of God’s heart on this. He is not a god of confusion. I was convicted I had wrongly remarried a second time (I wasn’t even saved) and have believed that my marriage covenant spouse is the only legitimate spouse according to God. If divorced, attempt to reconcile, and keep praying and if they are not saved, pray for salvation which is the most important thing. A Christian cannot remarry, I understand, as long as their marriage covenant spouse is still alive. All things are possible with God. Read Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:11-12, , Luke 16:18 , 1 cor. 7:11-13,39 Mark 6:18, 1 cor 7:29, Malachi 2,v14-16, Matt 5:32. It’s not what a Pastor, or the state, or anyone things. It’s what God says in His word. Sadly there is as much divorce and remarriage amongst Christians as in the world. God hates divorce, as you say. Also He has a lot to say to those who make vows and break them.(Deut 23:21-23) Also 1 cor 6:9-11. Ephesians 5:21-33 where husband is head of wife and wife represents the body; then divorce depicts cutting a head off the body or severing a body from the head and is seen as ‘murder’ in the sight of God.
      If one has a heart for the truth God will reveal it to them! It’s not easy but we have to go through the narrow gate, take up our crosses and follow His teachings. I know personally it’s not an easy route but God has used me greatly and I know He has the best plan for our lives if we surrender it all to Him. Marriage on this present is but a short time compared to eternity where there will be no marriage. It’s about honouring Him and bringing glory to His name, no matter what situation we are in. May you know His peace, strength and comfort.

  23. Thank God I found this site by Google search.
    Iam blessed by lots of encouragement from this site. Many of the questions I had in mind have been answered as well. I know now that I am not a lot, being separated.
    May God continue to bless you in your ministry.
    Vincent Wayange.

  24. I need some input with a question I have about a previous marriage. I have been separated from my prodigal husband for over 2 years. My marriage problems are what brought me into a relationship with Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I have no doubt that God has called me to stand and intercede for my husband’s salvation since that is most important. But I have this question: I was previously married (before salvation) and divorced for non-biblical reasons (no adultery). I met my husband 5 years later and we were married 5 years after we started dating. Does God hold me accountable to my first husband at all? It has he forgiven me for divorcing him? I’m very confused about this. I don’t have any relationship with my first husband at all but was wondering how God may view this first marriage. Sometimes I think Satan tries to tell me that God won’t answer my prayers for my husband because of the what happened in my first marriage. Any input is appreciated.

  25. Michelle I can relate to your situation as I too have been married and divorced twice (before salvation). I believe from the Bible that there is only one legitimate covenant marriage i.e. the first one. Let no man put asunder. Man legalises divorce but it is not of God. There are many testimonies of marriages (legitimate covenant ones) being reconciled and restored by God (see rejoiceministries). There are also testimonies of spouses who illegitimately remarried and even years later the Holy Spirit showed them how wrong the remarriage was. Scripture interprets scripture and clearly shows from Romans 1-3 that it is death that ends a marriage (not divorce). Yes, God is gracious to forgive when we repent but repentance is more than words – it is having God’s mind on the matter and changing one’s actions to come into line with His word. Check out Dr. Joseph Webb’s website (spiritofHosea) (and Stephen Wilcox (on Marriage & Divorce part 1 – http://www.marriagedivorce.com)). A marriage covenant is the key!

    • So what did you do? Did you go back to your first husband? Does God really want us to do that? I don’t believe so. If that were the case, He wouldn’t have had me standing for my second marriage (which just ended in divorce, by the way –my husband ended up filing). I do believe through what God has shown me that our marriage will be restored.

  26. Reconcile Venus Allen and Lionel asberry marriage back together forever. And deliver them [*from] lustful sin. And commit to one another let no man or woman separate them never again. Amen.

    [*from] Inserted by Admin.

  27. I know the words you speak are true from God’s word.
    They are a confirmation of counseling I have received.

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